It’s a pattern too many empaths know well: you care deeply, you give your best, and somehow, you keep attracting people who drain you dry.
Narcissists don’t always show up in loud, obvious ways. Sometimes they’re charming, wounded, magnetic—but underneath, the imbalance is real. And for empaths, who are wired to understand and soothe, it’s easy to fall into their orbit without realising what’s happening. Here’s why this dynamic happens so often, and why it can be so hard to break.
1. Empaths naturally lead with compassion
Empaths tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. They assume good intentions, try to see the pain behind the behaviour, and believe that everyone’s capable of change. That kind of compassion is beautiful, but it also makes them vulnerable to people who use that grace to avoid accountability.
Narcissists thrive on second chances and emotional loopholes. When someone keeps offering softness, even after repeated harm, it creates the perfect space for manipulation to grow unnoticed.
2. They’re wired to soothe emotional chaos.
Empaths are often the first ones to step in when someone’s overwhelmed, angry, or spiralling. They don’t flinch at big emotions; they absorb them. Narcissists, who tend to create emotional messes, gravitate toward anyone who’ll help clean them up. This dynamic forms quickly: one person generates the chaos, the other calms it. After a while, though, the empath stops being a partner and starts being a caretaker, which leaves very little room for their own needs.
3. Empaths mistake intensity for connection.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often come in hot—flattery, vulnerability, emotional highs that feel like instant closeness. For empaths, who are tuned into emotion, this intensity feels like deep connection rather than early manipulation. The rush of emotional energy can be intoxicating at first. Sadly, what looks like bonding is often love bombing—a way of getting hooked quickly before boundaries are even set.
4. They see the potential, not the pattern.
Empaths are natural idealists. They see what people could be, not just what they are. When they spot potential in a narcissist—underneath the control, the ego, the coldness—they want to help pull that version to the surface. The problem is, narcissists rarely want to grow. They want to be managed, adored, and forgiven, but not challenged. So the empath keeps hoping for change, while the narcissist keeps showing who they already are.
5. Empaths second-guess themselves constantly.
Narcissists are skilled at subtle gaslighting—twisting words, questioning your memory, making you feel like you’re overreacting. Empaths, who already self-reflect deeply, are more likely to internalise that doubt. They wonder if they’re too sensitive, if they misunderstood, if they should just try harder. That habit of self-questioning creates space for a narcissist’s narrative to dominate, and for the empath’s voice to slowly disappear.
6. They confuse peacekeeping with love.
Many empaths grow up learning that love means keeping others happy, even at their own expense. So when a narcissist demands constant emotional tending, it feels familiar, like a role they know how to play. However, love isn’t supposed to cost you your peace. And when the only way to keep the connection alive is by walking on eggshells, it’s not a relationship; it’s emotional management.
7. They crave emotional depth, even from the wrong people.
Empaths want connection that feels real. So when a narcissist shares something raw—especially early on—it can feel like a rare glimpse beneath the surface, something worth holding onto. The problem is, narcissists use selective vulnerability as a tactic. It keeps the empath invested while giving the illusion of intimacy. Sadly, it’s rarely followed by true openness or growth—it’s just bait.
8. They struggle to prioritise their own needs.
Empaths are so used to tuning into how everyone else feels that they often forget to check in with themselves. This makes it easier for narcissists to dominate the emotional landscape of a relationship without resistance. Even when they’re overwhelmed or hurt, empaths might convince themselves it’s selfish to ask for space or clarity. That silence gives narcissists even more room to take.
9. They over-explain instead of walking away.
When conflict arises, empaths often try to explain their side gently, clearly, and with empathy. However, narcissists aren’t interested in understanding—they’re interested in control. This means the more the empath explains, the more ammo the narcissist gathers. It becomes a loop of justification and dismissal, where nothing changes except how tired the empath becomes.
10. Empaths often confuse trauma bonding with real intimacy.
The emotional highs and lows that narcissists create can feel intense. When you’re constantly swinging between chaos and calm, it creates a sense of closeness that’s based more on survival than love. Empaths may interpret this as “working through things” or “fighting for the relationship,” when really it’s just conditioning—learning to cling to the rare good moments while ignoring the damage in between.
11. They assume other people think like they do.
Empaths tend to assume that others care as much as they do—that everyone’s actions come from hurt, not malice. So even when narcissistic behaviour is obvious, they try to explain it away as fear, trauma, or stress. However, not everyone operates from the same emotional code. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is stop translating someone’s harm into something it’s not.
12. They feel guilty for pulling away.
Even when they know the relationship isn’t healthy, empaths struggle to walk away without guilt. They worry about how the other person will cope, what it says about them, or whether they’re “giving up too soon.” The guilt keeps them tethered longer than they should be. But staying doesn’t mean you’re strong, and leaving doesn’t make you cruel. Boundaries are how empaths survive loving deeply in a world that doesn’t always give that love back.
13. They’re drawn to people who need fixing.
There’s a subtle satisfaction in being the helper, the one who understands what no one else does. Narcissists pick up on that instinct fast, and play into it by showing just enough brokenness to reel an empath in. Of course, being needed isn’t the same as being loved. When your value depends on how well you can hold someone else together, it usually means you’re not being held at all.
14. They forget that empathy should go both ways.
Empaths give so much that they often forget to check whether they’re receiving anything back. However, empathy without reciprocity becomes exploitation, especially in the hands of someone who sees your kindness as a weakness to use.
The sad truth is, narcissists pursue people like this on purpose—not because they want connection, but because they know how easily compassion can be twisted into compliance. Unless an empath starts choosing themselves, the pattern repeats.
