There are so many backhanded comments and snide remarks that people love to dish out under the pretense of being “helpful.”
You know, those little jabs that leave you feeling like you’ve been slapped in the face, even though the person delivering them swears they’re just trying to be supportive. Well, I’m here to call BS on that nonsense. These so-called “helpful” comments are nothing more than thinly veiled insults, and it’s time we started calling them out for what they are. Here are some things you should never have to hear coming out of someone’s mouth.
1. “You look tired.”
Translation: “You look like rubbish.” This is the ultimate backhanded compliment because it implies that you look less than your best while pretending to be concerned about your well-being. Sorry, but everyone looks tired sometimes, and pointing it out is rarely helpful. If you’re actually worried about someone’s health, try asking how they’re feeling instead of commenting on their appearance.
2. “You’re so brave for wearing that.”
This is code for “That outfit looks terrible on you,” and it’s a classic example of using faux praise to mask an insult. Wearing clothes you feel comfortable and confident in isn’t an act of bravery — it’s a basic human right. If you don’t like someone’s fashion choices, keep your opinions to yourself unless they’re explicitly asked for.
3. “Have you gained weight?”
Commenting on someone’s weight is never okay, even if you’re trying to frame it as concern for their health. Bodies change over time, and there are a million reasons why someone might have put on a few pounds that have nothing to do with their lifestyle choices. Unless you’re their doctor, their weight is none of your business. Keep your observations to yourself.
4. “You should smile more.”
Source: Unsplash This is a form of unsolicited advice that’s often directed at women, and it’s about as helpful as a chocolate teapot. People have the right to express their emotions however they see fit, and forcing a smile when you’re not feeling it is just plain exhausting. If you want to cheer someone up, try cracking a joke or offering a genuine compliment instead.
5. “You’re so lucky you can eat whatever you want and stay thin.”
This backhanded compliment implies that the person in question doesn’t have to work hard to maintain their figure, which is rarely the case. It also reinforces harmful stereotypes about body image and suggests that being thin is the ultimate goal. Everyone’s body is different, and no one should feel pressure to conform to a certain standard of beauty.
6. “You’re too sensitive.”
This is a common gaslighting technique that’s often used to invalidate someone’s feelings. Just because you don’t understand why something is hurtful or offensive doesn’t mean it’s not valid. Instead of dismissing someone’s emotions, try listening to their perspective and acknowledging their experience.
7. “You’re so articulate… for a [insert marginalised group].”
This is a microaggression that’s often directed at people of colour, and it’s about as subtle as a brick to the face. Complimenting someone on their eloquence while simultaneously implying that it’s surprising given their background is just plain racist. A person’s intelligence and communication skills have nothing to do with their ethnicity or socioeconomic status.
8. “You should try wearing more makeup.”
This unsolicited advice is often given to people who prefer a more natural look, and it’s just plain rude. Wearing makeup is a personal choice, and no one should feel pressured to alter their appearance to fit someone else’s standards of beauty. If you think someone looks great, tell them so — but leave the cosmetic tips to the professionals.
9. “You’re so brave for sharing your story.”
While this comment is often well-intentioned, it can come across as patronising and dismissive. Sharing personal experiences takes courage, but it shouldn’t be treated as a spectacle or a performance. Instead of marvelling at someone’s bravery, try simply thanking them for their vulnerability and offering your support.
10. “You’d be so much prettier if you lost weight.”
This is a flat-out insult masquerading as helpful advice, and it’s never okay. A person’s worth is not determined by their dress size, and suggesting otherwise is both cruel and misguided. If you genuinely care about someone’s health, focus on promoting positive habits like regular exercise and balanced eating rather than fixating on their weight.
11. “You’re so lucky to have a partner who does the cooking/cleaning.”
This backhanded compliment implies that domestic labour is inherently gendered and that it’s unusual for men to contribute to household chores. It also suggests that having a partner who pulls their weight is some kind of rare gift rather than a basic expectation of adult relationships. Let’s retire this outdated trope once and for all.
12. “You’re not like other girls/guys.”
Source: Pexels This is a classic pick-up artist technique that’s designed to make the recipient feel special while simultaneously putting down an entire gender. It’s also a huge red flag that the person saying it views the world in reductive stereotypes. If you genuinely admire someone’s qualities, compliment them directly without comparing them to other people.
13. “You’re so exotic-looking.”
Source: Unsplash This is a microaggression that’s often directed at people of mixed heritage or non-white backgrounds, and it’s about as offensive as it gets. Reducing someone’s appearance to a lazy stereotype is never okay, and it’s certainly not a compliment. If you appreciate someone’s looks, find a way to express it that doesn’t involve fetishising their ethnicity.
14. “You’d be so much more successful if you were more assertive.”
Source: Unsplash This unsolicited career advice often comes from a place of privilege and ignores the systemic barriers that marginalised groups face in the workplace. It also implies that there’s only one way to be an effective leader, which is simply not true. Success looks different for everyone, and it’s not your place to dictate how someone else should navigate their professional life.
15. “You’re so brave for wearing that at your size.”
Source: Pexels This is a backhanded compliment that’s often directed at plus-size people, and it’s about as helpful as a chocolate fireguard. What someone chooses to wear is their business, and suggesting that it takes courage to dress a certain way when you’re not thin is just plain insulting. Let’s celebrate fashion choices that make people feel confident and comfortable, regardless of their body type.
16. “You’re so much fun when you drink!”
Source: Unsplash This comment might seem like a compliment, but it’s actually a pretty messed up thing to say. It implies that someone is only enjoyable to be around when they’re under the influence, which is both insulting and untrue. It also reinforces harmful stereotypes about alcohol and can make people feel pressured to drink more than they’re comfortable with. If you genuinely enjoy someone’s company, tell them so — but leave their beverage choices out of it.
