Not everyone who comes into your life is there for the right reasons.
They’re there for what you can give them, and when you stop being “useful,” they’re quick to disappear. These relationships can be draining and leave you feeling used. Here are a few red flags that signal someone might discard you when they no longer get what they want from you. If you notice them, take steps now to protect yourself.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
Notice if they always contact you when they need a favour, advice, or support, but rarely check in just to see how you’re doing. If your interactions feel transactional, this is a big red flag. Genuine friendships are about mutual connection, not just convenience.
2. They show little interest in your life.
They love talking about their own problems, achievements, or needs, but when it’s your turn to share, they lose interest quickly. Their lack of curiosity about your life signals that they’re not invested in you as a person — only in what you can offer them.
3. They disappear when things get tough for you.
When you’re going through a hard time, these people are nowhere to be found. If they suddenly get busy or distant when you need support, it’s a sign they’re only around for the good times or when it benefits them. True friends stick with you through ups and downs.
4. They’re overly flattering and insincere.
Constant compliments and over-the-top praise might seem nice at first, but if it feels forced or fake, pay attention. Their flattery can be a tactic to keep you close while they’re benefiting from you. Once they get what they want, the compliments often stop.
5. They get upset when you set boundaries.
When you say “no” or express your limits, they react poorly — maybe with guilt trips, anger, or passive aggression. It’s a sign they’re more interested in what you do for them than respecting your needs. Healthy relationships respect boundaries, not punish them.
6. They always keep the focus on themselves.
Every conversation circles back to their problems, achievements, or opinions. If they rarely give you space to share or acknowledge your feelings, they’re showing you that your role is to serve their needs. That kind of self-centredness often means they’ll leave when your usefulness fades.
7. They make you feel guilty for needing help.
When you ask for support, they act inconvenienced or make you feel like you’re asking too much. Their guilt-tripping shows they expect a one-way relationship where they benefit but aren’t willing to give back. Their unwillingness to reciprocate is a major red flag.
8. They’re quick to move on to “better” people.
If they frequently drop friends or connections when someone “better” comes along, take note. It’s a pattern shows that they value people based on usefulness or status rather than genuine connection. You could be next if they decide you no longer serve their goals.
9. They don’t celebrate your successes.
When good things happen for you, they seem indifferent, jealous, or even dismissive. Instead of being happy for you, they downplay your achievements. Their lack of support shows that they’re only in it for themselves and may leave if you’re no longer serving their interests.
10. They withhold support or affection to manipulate you.
They might use affection, attention, or approval as a reward system. If you do what they want, you get their kindness; if you don’t, they withdraw. All that emotional manipulation keeps you on edge and shows that their care is conditional on your usefulness.
11. They have a history of disposable relationships.
Pay attention to how they treat other people, not just you. If they regularly cut people off or drop friends after getting what they want, that pattern is likely to repeat. Someone who treats people as disposable won’t hesitate to do the same to you.
12. They’re unreliable when you need them.
When you ask for help, they’re full of excuses, cancellations, or vague promises. Their inconsistency shows that they’re not invested in your well-being. When someone only shows up when it suits them, it’s a sign they won’t stick around long-term.
13. They downplay or ignore your feelings.
If you express hurt, disappointment, or frustration, they brush it off or make you feel like you’re overreacting. Their lack of empathy shows they don’t truly care about your emotional well-being. They’re unlikely to stick around once your feelings don’t serve their needs.
14. They get defensive when you question their motives.
If you ask about their behaviour or express concerns, they react defensively or turn the blame on you. Their inability to reflect on their actions is a red flag that they’re aware of their self-serving behaviour and don’t want to be called out for it.
