The idea of “influencing” people has been co-opted by wannabe social media stars, but we’re talking about the real deal here.
True influence has nothing to do with which brands you push on your Instagram or how much money you make from your followers on affiliate links. In the real world, it’s about how you connect, how you’re heard, and how you leave people feeling after spending time with you. A lot of that comes down to the words you choose. Certain phrases, even when they seem pretty innocuous, can actually drain your credibility, make you sound unsure, or cause people to tune you out before they really hear what you have to say. If you want to show up with more quiet strength and presence, here are some phrases to leave behind—and better ways to express yourself instead.
1. “I’m not sure if this makes sense, but…”
Starting with doubt immediately invites people to question the value of your idea before they have even heard it. You plant the seed that what follows might be confusing, unnecessary, or not worth their attention. Instead, simply state your point clearly and trust that if you need to clarify, you can adjust as the conversation unfolds. Speaking with quiet certainty gives people permission to meet you with more focus and respect, not premature scepticism.
2. “This might be a stupid question, but…”
No genuine question is ever stupid, and treating your own curiosity like a weakness only teaches people to see you as less confident. Curiosity is often a sign of deeper engagement, not lack of knowledge. Rather than apologising for asking, frame your questions as thoughtful contributions to the conversation: “Could you walk me through that part a little more?” or “I would love to understand that better.” It changes everything about how you’re received.
3. “I just think…” or “I kind of feel like…”
Words like “just” and “kind of” shrink your authority without you even realising it. They soften your message so much that people might miss its importance altogether, especially in environments where confidence is valued. Challenge yourself to drop the unnecessary qualifiers. Say, “I believe…” or “Based on what I know…” and watch how much more seriously people start to take your ideas and observations.
4. “Sorry, but…” when you’re not actually sorry
Apologising when you haven’t done anything wrong eats away at your presence as time goes on. It turns natural, assertive communication into something that feels like you’re asking permission to exist. When you need to correct someone, take up space, or express a boundary, skip the unnecessary sorry. Try, “Excuse me,” or “I would like to add something here.” You can be polite without undermining yourself before you even start.
5. “That’s probably a dumb idea, but…”
If you label your ideas as dumb, other people will follow your lead. Real influence means owning your creativity and contributions without immediately cutting them off at the knees. Even if you’re offering something unusual or incomplete, frame it with curiosity or excitement rather than self-deprecation: “Here’s a thought we could build on…” or “Maybe this opens up a new angle to explore.”
6. “It’s always been done this way.”
Source: Unsplash Nothing shuts down innovation faster than this one. Even if a process has worked in the past, defending it without reflection makes you sound inflexible and out of touch with changing needs. If you truly believe in a traditional method, explain why it’s still effective. Otherwise, show openness by saying, “Here’s what has worked before, but I’m open to other approaches.” That openness often invites more trust, not less.
7. “To be honest with you…”
When you tell someone you’re about to be honest, you can accidentally imply that you weren’t being fully transparent before. Even if that’s not your intention, it plants subtle doubt about your reliability. Instead, practise being consistently clear and upfront so that your honesty speaks for itself. If you need to introduce a difficult truth, say, “Here’s my perspective” or “Here’s what I’m seeing from my side.”
8. “You probably won’t agree, but…”
By assuming disagreement, you create tension where there might not have been any. You frame your idea as combative instead of collaborative, making it harder for people to approach you with openness. Offer your point without predicting a negative reaction. If you need to acknowledge potential differences, keep it inviting: “Here’s another angle we might consider.” That keeps the conversation open and productive.
9. “I’m no expert, but…”
Expertise is important, but insight and valuable perspectives come from all kinds of experiences, not just formal titles. Constantly framing yourself as “not an expert” shrinks your voice before it has a chance to land. Instead, share your knowledge with grounded confidence. Say, “Based on my experience…” or “From what I have seen…” Trust that your observations are worth contributing, even if you’re still learning (and you always will be).
10. “This might sound silly, but…”
Creativity, innovation, and bold thinking often start with ideas that feel a little offbeat. Calling them silly in advance only teaches people to dismiss them before they have even had a chance to consider them properly. State your ideas without warning labels. If you feel vulnerable offering something unconventional, you can still frame it playfully: “This might be unexpected, but hear me out…” It keeps the energy light without putting yourself down.
11. “That’s not my job.”
Even if something falls outside your official responsibilities, saying this flat-out can make you seem rigid, defensive, or uninterested in collaboration, which damages your influence over time. There are ways to protect your boundaries without sounding combative. Try, “Let’s figure out the best way to handle this,” or “I can help get this started and then loop in the right person.” It shows leadership instead of resistance.
12. “I could be wrong, but…”
Humility is valuable, but leading with self-doubt weakens your impact. If you pre-emptively frame yourself as probably wrong, you teach people not to value your input as much as they should. Instead, present your ideas with both openness and strength: “Here’s what I’m seeing—I would love your perspective too.” You leave room for collaboration without diminishing your own voice.
13. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…”
When you fumble mid-sentence, it signals uncertainty and can muddy even a great point. It leaves people focusing on your struggle to communicate rather than the strength of your message. If you catch yourself rambling, pause, take a breath, and regroup. A few seconds of silence while you collect your thoughts is far more powerful than filling space with disjointed backtracking.
14. “Whatever you think is fine.”
Flexibility is a good thing, but constant passivity makes it seem like you have no vision, no backbone, or no real investment in outcomes. That weakens influence in subtle but serious ways. If you truly have no strong opinion, you can still participate meaningfully: “I’m open to different options, but here’s what I think might work best.” It shows you’re engaged without being controlling, and that balance is where real influence lives.
