Growing up with parents who seem to regret your existence can leave some deep marks.
It’s like trying to bloom in soil that’s been salted. Here’s how that childhood resentment might show up in adulthood.
1. They’re chronic people-pleasers.
When you’ve spent your childhood trying to earn love that should’ve been unconditional, you become an expert at bending over backwards to make people happy. It’s exhausting, but it feels safer than risking disapproval.
2. They have a fierce independent streak.
Source: Pexels On the flip side, some folks go the opposite way. They learned early on not to rely on anyone, so they’ve become fiercely self-reliant. Asking for help? That’s about as appealing as a root canal without anaesthesia.
3. They struggle with imposter syndrome.
When your own parents made you feel like you didn’t deserve to exist, it’s hard to shake that feeling of being a fraud. Every success feels like a fluke, and they’re constantly waiting for someone to expose them as unworthy.
4. They’re hyper-sensitive to criticism.
Even constructive feedback can feel like a personal attack. They’ve had a lifetime of feeling like they’re not good enough, so any hint of criticism can trigger those old wounds.
5. They don’t know how to trust people.
If you can’t trust the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, who can you trust? This scepticism can make it hard to form deep connections or believe in other people’s genuine affection.
6. They’re overachievers or underachievers.
Some try to prove their worth through constant achievement, while others give up before they start, figuring they’ll fail anyway. Both are reactions to that core feeling of not being good enough.
7. They have a hard time setting boundaries.
When your needs were consistently ignored or resented, it’s tough to learn that it’s okay to have limits. They might let people walk all over them or swing to the other extreme with rigid, inflexible boundaries.
8. They’re perfectionists.
If only they can be perfect, maybe then they’ll be worthy of love. This mindset can lead to burnout and a constant feeling of falling short.
9. They struggle with self-care.
Taking care of themselves might feel selfish or unnecessary. They might push themselves to exhaustion or neglect their own needs, mirroring how their needs were treated in childhood.
10. They have a negative self-image.
Years of subtle (or not-so-subtle) messages about being a burden can lead to a deeply ingrained sense of unworthiness. Positive self-talk feels like lying to themselves.
11. They’re drawn to unavailable or critical partners.
Familiar feels safe, even when it’s painful. They might unconsciously seek relationships that mirror their childhood dynamics, hoping for a different outcome this time.
12. They struggle with anxiety or depression.
Growing up in an environment of resentment can leave lasting marks on mental health. Anxiety about their place in the world or depression stemming from feelings of worthlessness are common.
13. They find it hard to express their needs or feelings.
When your feelings were consistently dismissed or resented, you learn to keep them bottled up. Expressing needs or emotions can feel vulnerable and scary.
14. They’re hyper-vigilant to other people’s moods.
They developed a finely-tuned radar for emotional undercurrents as a survival mechanism. This can make them highly empathetic, but also prone to taking on other people’s emotions.
15. They have a hard time celebrating their successes.
Every achievement comes with a voice in the back of their head saying they don’t deserve it. Imposter syndrome makes it hard to fully enjoy their accomplishments.
16. They struggle with commitment.
Fear of being a burden can make long-term commitments feel terrifying. They might sabotage relationships or avoid them altogether.
17. They need a lot of external validation.
When your foundation of self-worth is shaky, external validation becomes crucial. They might constantly look for reassurance or approval from other people, never quite believing it when they get it.
