Motivation isn’t just about willpower; a lot of it has roots in our past experiences.
The way we were raised and the environment we grew up in can majorly shape our drive and ambition. Obviously, everyone’s journey is different, but there are some common threads in the childhoods of those who struggle with motivation.
1. Their efforts were consistently overlooked or dismissed.
Imagine you’re a kid, eager to show your parents a drawing you spent hours working on. But instead of praise or encouragement, they barely glance at it or dismiss it with a distracted, “That’s nice.” Over time, this lack of recognition can chip away at a child’s enthusiasm and make them question the value of their efforts. Why bother trying if no one seems to care?
2. They were constantly criticised or compared to other people.
Growing up in an environment where your every move is scrutinised and compared to other people can be incredibly demoralising. Instead of feeling supported and encouraged, you might feel like you’re never good enough. This constant comparison can lead to a sense of inadequacy and a fear of failure, which can stifle motivation and prevent you from taking risks.
3. They were never given the opportunity to make their own choices.
Children need to feel a sense of agency and control over their lives. If every decision, from what to wear to what extracurricular activities to participate in, is made for them, they might grow up feeling like their opinions and preferences don’t matter. This lack of autonomy can lead to a sense of helplessness and a lack of motivation to pursue their own goals.
4. They were punished for making mistakes or failing.
Mistakes are a natural part of learning and growing. However, if you were harshly punished or ridiculed for your failures as a child, you might develop a fear of taking risks and trying new things. This fear of failure can paralyse you and prevent you from pursuing your passions or goals.
5. They were constantly told they weren’t good enough.
Growing up hearing phrases like “You’ll never amount to anything” or “You’re not as smart/talented/capable as your sibling” can leave deep scars. These negative messages can become internalised, leading to low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in your abilities. This can make it difficult to believe in yourself and your potential, which can hinder motivation.
6. They grew up in a chaotic or unpredictable environment.
A stable and predictable home environment provides children with a sense of security and allows them to focus on their development and goals. However, if your childhood was marked by constant upheaval, instability, or even trauma, it can be difficult to develop the focus and drive necessary for motivation. You might be preoccupied with survival or emotional turmoil, leaving little energy for pursuing your dreams.
7. Their feelings and emotions were invalidated or dismissed.
Children need to feel heard and understood. If your feelings were consistently dismissed or invalidated, you might have learned to suppress your emotions and disconnect from your inner voice. This disconnection can make it difficult to identify your passions and desires, which are essential for motivation.
8. They were never taught the value of hard work and perseverance.
If you never witnessed the rewards of hard work and perseverance in your childhood, you might struggle to develop these qualities yourself. Perhaps your parents gave up easily on their own goals, or they never emphasised the importance of dedication and effort. Without these role models, it can be difficult to understand the value of pushing through challenges and setbacks.
9. They faced constant instability or unpredictability.
A childhood filled with frequent moves, job losses, or family conflict can leave a lasting impact on a person’s sense of security and stability. When the foundation of your life feels shaky, it’s difficult to plan for the future or invest in long-term goals. This can lead to a focus on short-term gratification and a reluctance to take risks.
10. They were raised in a household with unrealistic expectations.
Some parents set incredibly high standards for their children, expecting them to excel in academics, sports, or other areas. While high expectations can be motivating in moderation, they can become overwhelming and discouraging if they’re unrealistic or unattainable. Children who constantly feel like they’re falling short may eventually give up trying altogether.
11. They witnessed unhealthy coping mechanisms.
If the adults in your life dealt with stress or difficult emotions through unhealthy behaviours like substance abuse, emotional outbursts, or withdrawal, you might have learned to adopt similar coping mechanisms. These patterns can hinder motivation and make it difficult to develop healthy ways of dealing with challenges.
12. They were overprotected or shielded from challenges.
While it’s natural for parents to want to protect their children, excessive sheltering can backfire. Children need to experience setbacks and failures in order to develop resilience and problem-solving skills. If you were never allowed to face challenges on your own, you might lack the confidence and resourcefulness needed to tackle obstacles in adulthood.
13. Their creativity and curiosity were stifled.
Children are naturally curious and creative, but these qualities can be stifled if they’re not nurtured. If your childhood was devoid of opportunities for exploration, experimentation, and creative expression, you might struggle to find inspiration and motivation in adulthood. A lack of curiosity can make life feel dull and monotonous, leading to a sense of apathy and disengagement.
14. They were raised in a culture of learned helplessness.
In some families or communities, there’s a pervasive belief that circumstances are beyond one’s control. This can lead to a sense of learned helplessness, where people believe that their efforts are futile and that they’re destined to fail. This mindset can be incredibly demotivating and prevent people from taking action to improve their lives.
15. They experienced trauma or neglect.
Childhood trauma, whether it’s physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, can have a profound and lasting impact on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. Trauma can disrupt brain development, impair emotional regulation, and lead to a host of mental health issues, all of which can contribute to a lack of motivation. Similarly, neglect can leave children feeling unloved and unworthy, making it difficult to develop a sense of self-efficacy and drive.
16. They were raised in poverty or with limited resources.
Growing up in poverty can present numerous challenges that can impact motivation. Limited access to education, healthcare, and other resources can create a sense of hopelessness and despair. Children who grow up in poverty may feel like the deck is stacked against them, making it difficult to envision a better future or invest in long-term goals.
17. They lacked positive role models or mentors.
Children learn by observing and imitating the adults around them. If you didn’t have positive role models who demonstrated ambition, perseverance, and a passion for learning, you might struggle to develop these qualities yourself. Having supportive mentors or role models who believe in you and encourage your aspirations can be incredibly motivating and inspiring.
