Growing up with strict parents isn’t a walk in the park.
It means living under a constant barrage of rules, expectations, and consequences that can shape every aspect of your life. The effects of this upbringing don’t just magically disappear when you become an adult — they stay with you, influencing your relationships, your decision-making, and your sense of self. If you grew up with strict parents, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
1. You have a skewed sense of “normal.”
When you grow up with strict parents, their version of normal becomes your baseline. You might not realise that other families operate differently — with more freedom, flexibility, and open communication. It’s only when you start spending time with friends from more lenient households that you begin to question whether your upbringing was truly “normal.” This realisation can be both eye-opening and unsettling.
2. You struggle with decision-making.
Strict parents often make all the decisions for their children, leaving little room for personal choice or autonomy. As a result, you may struggle with making decisions on your own as an adult. You second-guess yourself constantly, worry about making the “wrong” choice, and feel paralysed by indecision. Learning to trust your own judgment is an ongoing battle.
3. You have a hard time setting boundaries.
When you grow up with strict parents, your boundaries are constantly violated. Your privacy is non-existent, your opinions are dismissed, and your needs are secondary to their demands. This can make it difficult to set and enforce healthy boundaries in your adult relationships. You may find yourself over-extending, people-pleasing, or tolerating mistreatment because you never learned how to say no.
4. You’re a chronic people-pleaser.
Strict parents often use love and affection as rewards for good behaviour, withholding them as punishment for disobedience. As a result, you learn to base your self-worth on others’ approval and validation. You become a chronic people-pleaser, always putting others’ needs before your own and sacrificing your own happiness to avoid conflict or criticism. Breaking free from this pattern is a lifelong struggle.
5. You have a hard time relaxing.
When you grow up with strict parents, there’s always something to worry about — a chore left undone, a grade that’s not up to par, a rule that might be broken. This constant state of anxiety and hypervigilance can make it hard to relax, even as an adult. You feel guilty for taking time off, struggle to be present in the moment, and feel like you always have to be productive or “on.” Learning to let go and just be is a skill that takes practice.
6. You’re a perfectionist.
Strict parents often have sky-high expectations for their children, demanding nothing less than perfection in all areas of life. As a result, you internalise these impossible standards and become your own worst critic. You set the bar unreasonably high for yourself, beat yourself up for even the smallest mistakes, and feel like nothing you do is ever good enough. Perfectionism is a double-edged sword that can drive you to achieve great things, but also rob you of joy and self-acceptance.
7. You have trust issues.
When you grow up with strict parents, trust is a scarce commodity. You learn to keep secrets, hide your true feelings, and put up walls to protect yourself from their judgment or punishment. This lack of trust can carry over into your adult relationships, making it difficult to open up, be vulnerable, or believe that others have your best interests at heart. Building trust is a slow and painful process.
8. You have a complicated relationship with authority.
Strict parents are the ultimate authority figures, wielding their power in ways that can feel arbitrary, inconsistent, or unfair. As a result, you may have a complicated relationship with authority as an adult. You might find yourself bristling at any hint of control or criticism, rebelling against rules and expectations, or alternately, seeking strong authority figures to guide and validate you. Finding a healthy balance of respect and autonomy is an ongoing challenge.
9. You’re a master at lying and sneaking around.
When you grow up with strict parents, you learn to be sneaky out of necessity. You become an expert at lying, hiding, and covering your tracks to avoid getting caught and punished. While these skills might have served you well as a kid, they can be detrimental in adult relationships. Learning to be honest, direct, and transparent is a crucial step in breaking free from old patterns.
10. You have a hard time expressing emotions.
Strict parents often discourage or punish emotional expression, viewing it as a sign of weakness or defiance. As a result, you learn to bottle up your feelings, put on a brave face, and never let them see you sweat. This emotional repression can lead to a host of problems in adulthood, from anxiety and depression to difficulty forming intimate relationships. Learning to identify, express, and regulate your emotions is a key part of healing.
11. You’re fiercely independent.
Growing up with strict parents can make you fiercely independent, almost to a fault. You learn to rely on yourself, solve your own problems, and never ask for help, even when you desperately need it. While self-sufficiency is admirable, it can also be isolating and exhausting. Learning to lean on others, accept support, and be interdependent is a crucial part of building a fulfilling life.
12. You have a love-hate relationship with control.
When you grow up with strict parents, control is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you crave it desperately, wanting to be in charge of your own life and make your own choices. On the other hand, you fear it, worrying that you’ll misuse your power or make a mistake that can’t be undone. This push-pull relationship with control can manifest in many areas of life, from relationships to career to parenting.
13. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Growing up with strict parents means living in a constant state of anticipation and dread. You’re always waiting for something to go wrong, for the rules to change, for the punishment to come. This hypervigilance can follow you into adulthood, making it hard to relax, trust, or enjoy the good times. Learning to live in the present, let go of fear, and embrace uncertainty is a lifelong practice.
14. You have a hard time with spontaneity and play.
Strict parents often prioritise structure, routine, and productivity over spontaneity, creativity, and play. As a result, you may struggle with letting loose, being silly, or doing things just for the joy of it. You feel guilty for taking time off, worry that you’re not being productive enough, and have a hard time just going with the flow. Rediscovering your inner child and embracing play is a crucial part of healing.
15. You’re stronger than you realise.
Growing up with strict parents is no picnic, but it does teach you some valuable skills — resilience, adaptability, and grit. You learn to push through tough times, bounce back from setbacks, and keep going even when the odds are stacked against you. While the scars of a strict upbringing may never fully heal, they can also be a source of strength, wisdom, and determination. Embrace your inner badass and know that you’ve got this.
