Childhood trauma can leave deep, lasting wounds that affect every aspect of your life. But despite the pervasive impact of trauma, there are still many misconceptions that prevent people from seeking help and healing. These myths can keep you stuck in shame, secrecy, and self-blame, making it harder to move forward. Here are some common myths about childhood trauma that may be holding you back from the healing you deserve.
1. “It wasn’t that bad.”
Many people minimise their childhood trauma because they compare it to people who had it “worse.” But trauma isn’t a competition. What matters is how the experience affected you, not how it stacks up to someone else’s pain. Dismissing your own suffering doesn’t make it go away; it just keeps you stuck in denial. Acknowledge the reality of what you went through, even if it feels uncomfortable or scary. Your pain is valid, no matter what.
2. “I don’t remember it, so it doesn’t affect me.”
Just because you don’t have clear memories of your childhood trauma doesn’t mean it hasn’t shaped you. Trauma memories are often stored in the body and the subconscious, manifesting as anxiety, depression, or self-destructive behaviours. Don’t assume that a lack of explicit memories means you’re off the hook. Pay attention to your emotional and physiological responses to triggers, and be open to exploring the roots of your reactions. The body remembers, even when the mind forgets.
3. “I should be over it by now.”
Healing from childhood trauma is not a linear process with a clear endpoint. There’s no set timeline for when you “should” be over it. Putting pressure on yourself to “get over it” only adds to your stress and shame. Healing is a lifelong journey, with ups and downs, breakthroughs and setbacks. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, and trust that every step, no matter how small, is progress. You’re exactly where you need to be.
4. “Talking about it will just make it worse.”
Many people avoid discussing their childhood trauma because they fear it will reopen old wounds. But the truth is, the wounds never really closed in the first place. Suppressing your pain only gives it more power over you. Talking about your experiences in a safe, supportive environment can be incredibly healing. It allows you to process your emotions, gain new insights, and release the shame and secrecy that often accompany trauma. Your story deserves to be told.
5. “I need to forgive and forget.”
Forgiveness is often touted as the key to healing, but it’s not that simple. Forgiveness is a personal choice that may or may not be part of your journey. And it certainly doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the abuse. You can work towards acceptance and peace without granting absolution to those who harmed you. Focus on your own healing, not on making nice with your abusers. Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
6. “I’m broken beyond repair.”
Childhood trauma can leave you feeling damaged, defective, and hopeless. But no matter how shattered you feel, healing is possible. Your past does not define your future. With support, self-compassion, and a willingness to do the work, you can piece yourself back together in a new, more resilient way. You are not a lost cause. You have inherent worth and the capacity to heal, grow, and thrive. Believe in your own potential, even when it’s hard.
7. “I should be able to handle this on my own.”
Childhood trauma is not something you should expect yourself to deal with alone. It’s okay to need help and support. In fact, trying to tough it out solo can actually hinder your healing. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide a listening ear and guidance. Join a support group or online community of trauma survivors. Lean on people when you need to. Healing is a collaborative process, not a solo journey.
8. “My trauma defines me.”
When you’ve experienced childhood trauma, it can feel like it’s the most important thing about you. But your trauma is something that happened to you, not who you are. You are so much more than your wounds. You have strengths, passions, and gifts that exist independently of your pain. Don’t let your trauma become your identity. Cultivate a sense of self that is rooted in your resilience, not your suffering. You are a survivor, but that’s not all you are.
9. “Healing means never feeling pain again.”
Some people avoid healing because they think it means they’ll never feel pain or struggle again. But that’s not realistic. Healing doesn’t erase your trauma or give you a perfect life. It simply means developing the tools and resilience to cope with challenges in healthier ways. You’ll still have bad days and painful emotions, but they won’t control you like they used to. Healing is about learning to dance in the rain, not waiting for the storm to pass.
10. “I’m too old to heal.”
It’s never too late to start healing from childhood trauma. Whether you’re 20 or 80, you deserve to live a life that’s not defined by your past. Age is not a barrier to growth and change. In fact, the wisdom and perspective that come with age can actually be an asset in the healing process. Don’t let the number of years behind you trick you into thinking your best years are behind you, too. Healing is always possible, regardless of when you start.
11. “Healing is selfish.”
Some trauma survivors feel guilty for focusing on their own healing, as if it’s a selfish indulgence. But the truth is, healing is one of the most unselfish things you can do. When you heal yourself, you break the cycle of intergenerational trauma. You become a better parent, partner, friend, and citizen. You inspire people to seek help and prioritise their own well-being. Healing is not just for you; it’s for everyone whose life you touch. Don’t let misguided guilt keep you from the care you deserve.
