Sure, you’re all out there trying your best to navigate the dating scene, but let’s be real — a lot of you are making the same damn mistakes over and over again.
And I get it, relationships are hard work, and it’s easy to get caught up in the moment, but if you want to have any hope of finding lasting love, you need to stop doing these 15 things right now.
1. Ignoring red flags
We’ve all been there — you meet a man who seems perfect on paper, but there’s just something about him that doesn’t quite sit right. Maybe he’s a little too controlling, or he has a habit of disappearing for days at a time. Whatever it is, if your gut is telling you that something’s off, listen to it. Don’t try to explain away his bad behaviour or make excuses for him. A red flag is a red flag, no matter how much you fancy him.
2. Putting up with disrespect
Source: Unsplash Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if your partner isn’t treating you with the respect you deserve, it’s time to show them the door. I don’t care how fit he is or how much money he makes — if he’s constantly belittling you, dismissing your feelings, or making you feel like rubbish, he’s not worth your time. You deserve someone who values and appreciates you, full stop.
3. Neglecting your own needs
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to get so caught up in trying to be the perfect girlfriend that you forget to take care of yourself. But the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re not taking the time to prioritise your own needs and desires, you’re going to end up feeling resentful and unfulfilled in your relationship. Make sure you’re carving out time for self-care and doing things that make you happy, whether that’s yoga, reading, or just taking a long bath.
4. Trying to change him
Source: Unsplash Ladies, repeat after me: you cannot change a man. I don’t care how much potential you see in him or how much you love him — if he’s not willing to put in the work to be a better partner, there’s nothing you can do about it. Trying to mould him into your ideal boyfriend is only going to lead to frustration and heartache. Accept him for who he is, flaws and all, or move on to someone who’s a better fit.
5. Settling for less than you deserve
Source: Unsplash I know it can be tempting to settle for a mediocre relationship out of fear of being alone, but trust me — you’re better off single than stuck with someone who doesn’t appreciate how amazing you are. Don’t lower your standards or compromise your values just because you’re afraid of ending up a spinster with 20 cats. Hold out for someone who treats you like the queen you are, and don’t settle for anything less.
6. Comparing your relationship to other people’s
Thanks to our friend social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your relationship to the highlight reels of everyone else’s. The reality is that you never know what’s going on behind closed doors. That couple who seems perfect on Instagram might be fighting like cats and dogs behind the scenes. Focus on your own relationship and what makes you happy, not on trying to keep up with the Joneses.
7. Not communicating your needs
Source: Unsplash Men aren’t mind readers, and if you’re not telling your partner what you need from them, you can’t expect them to just magically know. Be clear and direct about your needs and desires, whether that’s more quality time together, more support around the house, or just a good old-fashioned romp in the sheets. Bottling things up and expecting him to read your mind is only going to lead to resentment and frustration.
8. Playing games
Source: Unsplash I know it can be tempting to play hard to get or try to make him jealous, but games are for children, not grown women. If you’re interested in someone, be upfront about it. Don’t wait three days to text him back or pretend to be busy when you’re really just sitting at home in your pyjamas. Be authentic and honest about your feelings and intentions, and let the chips fall where they may.
9. Losing yourself in the relationship
It’s easy to get so caught up in your relationship that you forget who you are outside of it. But the truth is, the most attractive thing you can be is authentically yourself. Don’t give up your hobbies, your friendships, or your passions just because you’re in a relationship. Keep nurturing the things that make you unique and interesting, and your partner will love you all the more for it.
10. Not setting boundaries
Boundaries are essential in any healthy relationship, and if you’re not setting and enforcing them, you’re setting yourself up for heartache. Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate in your relationship, whether that’s infidelity, disrespect, or just leaving the toilet seat up. Don’t be afraid to speak up when your boundaries are being crossed, and be prepared to walk away if your partner can’t respect them.
11. Putting him on a pedestal
It’s natural to want to see the best in your partner, but putting them on a pedestal is a recipe for disaster. Nobody is perfect, and if you’re constantly idealising your boyfriend, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment when he inevitably falls short. See him for who he really is, flaws and all, and love him for his whole self, not just the bits that fit your fantasy.
12. Neglecting your friendships
When you’re in a new relationship, it’s easy to get so caught up in the excitement that you let your friendships fall by the wayside. But the truth is, your mates are the ones who will be there for you through thick and thin, long after the honeymoon phase has worn off. Make sure you’re still making time for your girls’ nights and coffee dates, and don’t neglect the people who have been there for you from the start.
13. Not being honest about your past
We all have baggage, and pretending otherwise is only going to come back to bite you in the bum. Be upfront with your partner about your past relationships, your traumas, and your struggles. Don’t try to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable — the right person will love you for your whole self, not just the shiny bits. Honesty and vulnerability are the foundations of any strong relationship.
14. Trying to be someone you’re not
It’s natural to want to impress your partner, but pretending to be someone you’re not is only going to lead to misery in the long run. Don’t try to be the ‘cool girl’ who’s always up for a pint and a football match if that’s not really your scene. Don’t pretend to love his favourite band or his mum’s cooking if you really can’t stand them. Be authentic and true to yourself, and the right person will love you for it.
15. Not trusting your instincts
At the end of the day, the most important thing is to trust your gut. If something feels off in your relationship, don’t ignore it. If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or making excuses for your partner’s bad behaviour, it’s time to take a step back and reassess. Your instincts are there for a reason, and learning to trust them is one of the most valuable things you can do for your love life — and your life in general.
