Not every red flag shows up as something dramatic. In fact, some of the biggest warning signs in dating are the things that seem small at first—the casual behaviours you brush off as no big deal. But when someone consistently puts in the bare minimum, it’s often not about being “chill” or easygoing. It’s about dodging effort, accountability, and emotional investment. If you’re constantly wondering if you’re asking for too much, it might be because someone else is offering far too little. These low-effort habits might look harmless on the surface, but they can be early signs of much deeper problems.
1. They never make actual plans—they just “see how it goes.”
At first, this might seem laid-back or flexible. But when someone avoids setting proper dates, times, or locations and constantly wants to “see what happens,” what they’re really doing is keeping their options open. People who want to see you make the effort to lock in a plan. If someone can’t even commit to dinner at 7pm on a Saturday, don’t expect them to commit to anything bigger down the line.
2. They always message late at night (and never during the day).
If their texts only show up after 10 p.m., it’s probably not a coincidence. When someone only reaches out at night, it’s often because they’re bored, lonely, or looking for attention on their terms. This kind of pattern suggests they’re not really thinking about you during the day. You’re not part of their life—you’re a filler for empty hours. And that’s not the kind of interest you want.
3. They never ask questions about you.
If you’re always the one doing the asking—and they never seem curious about your life, thoughts, or past—it’s a sign they’re not trying to build real connection. People who care ask questions. They want to know you. Low-effort daters tend to centre themselves. You might find yourself learning their life story while they don’t even remember your sibling’s name. That imbalance adds up fast.
4. They leave you on “read” constantly with no follow-up.
We all get busy, but if someone reads your message and then disappears for hours, or days, without a word, it’s not just forgetfulness. It’s a lack of respect. When you’re important to someone, they circle back. They don’t leave you hanging without explanation. If you’re getting ghosted between replies, you’re not a priority, and you deserve to be.
5. They cancel often, but expect you to be understanding every time
Things come up. Life happens. But if someone flakes repeatedly and never really makes it up to you, you’re looking at a red flag wrapped in a soft excuse. The pattern to watch for is this: they cancel last minute, apologise vaguely, then act like it’s no big deal. That’s not life getting in the way—that’s you being treated as optional.
6. They never introduce you to friends, even casually.
If you’ve been seeing someone for a while and haven’t met a single one of their friends, even in passing, it might mean they’re keeping you in a separate box. People who are genuinely interested tend to want you to meet their circle, even in low-key settings. If they’re dodging that completely, it could be a sign they don’t see this going anywhere serious.
7. They deflect every emotional conversation.
Trying to talk about how you feel, or asking where things are headed, shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth. If they dodge, joke, or change the subject every time you get serious, it’s a pattern worth noticing. Low-effort partners avoid emotional depth because it requires vulnerability and effort. If they’re constantly deflecting, they’re not ready or willing to meet you at that level.
8. Their compliments are vague or recycled.
“You’re hot” or “you’re different” isn’t exactly a heartfelt expression of affection. If someone never gets specific or personal with their compliments, it might be because they’re not paying much attention to who you actually are. Real compliments are thoughtful. They show that someone sees you. Generic flattery might feel good in the moment, but over time it reveals a lack of real investment.
9. They never initiate contact—it’s always on you.
If you stop messaging and the conversation dies, that says everything. Relationships should have mutual effort, even in the early stages. If it’s always you reaching out first, it’s time to rethink the dynamic. Some people like the attention, but aren’t willing to return it. You shouldn’t have to chase someone just to feel acknowledged. That’s not romantic—it’s exhausting.
10. They use “I’m bad at texting” as an excuse for everything.
Look, not everyone is glued to their phone. That’s fair. But if someone consistently uses “I’m just bad at texting” as their get-out-of-effort card, be cautious. It’s often a way to normalise low engagement. If they wanted to talk to you, they’d find a way. People text their mates, their mum, their barber, so if they can’t find a second for you, it’s probably not about being “bad at it.” It’s about not bothering.
11. They don’t plan ahead for anything.
If all your plans happen on the day, or not at all, it shows they’re not thinking about you long-term. It’s like they want the benefits of dating without the structure, commitment, or emotional responsibility. Making plans even a week in advance isn’t a huge ask. If they can’t do that, they’re likely not looking for something real. They’re just passing time—and you’re the one who’ll feel shortchanged.
12. They act differently in public vs. private.
Some people seem into you behind closed doors but turn distant when you’re out in the world. Maybe they don’t introduce you, avoid touching you, or act strangely cold around other people. This two-faced behaviour often means they’re hiding the relationship, or parts of it. If someone’s only affectionate when no one else is around, that’s not intimacy. It’s secrecy, and it rarely leads anywhere good.
13. They joke about commitment like it’s a disease.
Constant sarcasm about relationships, marriage, or anything long-term isn’t always just humour. Sometimes it’s a way of letting you know upfront that they’re never going to take things seriously. Pay attention to the tone behind the joke. If every mention of commitment gets laughed off or turned into a punchline, they’re telling you where they stand, even if it’s not in a direct way.
14. They expect relationship benefits without relationship effort.
They want emotional support, physical closeness, and regular time with you, but avoid any conversation about where things are going. You’re giving them partner-level energy while they’re offering half-hearted interest. This dynamic often shows up in low-effort relationships. You end up stuck in a grey zone where nothing’s defined, but everything feels serious—until you try to talk about it, and they vanish.
15. They say, “I’m just not ready” but don’t stop dating.
This one’s slippery. They tell you they’re not ready for a relationship, so why are they still on dating apps, still flirting, still enjoying your time and energy without offering anything stable in return? It’s fine if someone isn’t ready. However, if they’re not stepping back and still keeping you in the mix, they’re not being honest. They’re keeping you on the hook—and that’s not a sign of emotional maturity. It’s a sign to walk.
