Letting someone know you’re not their biggest fan isn’t exactly easy.
Many people would probably argue that you don’t need to tell someone you don’t like them, but that’s not always the case — there are plenty of circumstances in which you have to make your feelings about someone known to them. In that case, you still need to think carefully about how to break the news. You don’t want to be unnecessarily rude or harsh, but you also don’t want to beat around the bush about it. Here’s how to get the message across in a more subtle way.
1. Master the art of the short reply.
When they text you a paragraph, hit them back with a “k” or “cool.” Nothing says, “I’m not interested in this conversation” quite like one-word answers. It’s like a verbal cold shoulder. Keep your responses brief and to the point. No need for flowery language or follow-up questions. They’ll get the hint eventually… probably.
2. Become suddenly very busy.
Source: Unsplash Oh, they want to hang out? Suddenly, your calendar is packed. You’re washing your hair, alphabetising your spice rack, or watching paint dry — anything’s more appealing than spending time with them. If they persist, your imaginary commitments just keep piling up. You’re so popular, you can’t even squeeze in a quick coffee until 2025.
3. Perfect your “I’d rather be anywhere else” face.
If you do end up stuck in their company, let your face do the talking. Master that glazed-over look, like you’re mentally planning your grocery list or plotting your escape. Throw in a few poorly stifled yawns for good measure. Body language speaks volumes, and yours is screaming “Get me out of here!”
4. Conveniently forget important details about them.
They’ve told you a hundred times that they’re allergic to peanuts? Oops, you forgot again. Their birthday? It slipped your mind. Show them they’re so low on your priority list that basic info about them just doesn’t stick. It’s amazing how forgetful you can be about things you don’t care about.
5. Become a pro at the Irish goodbye.
When they show up at social gatherings, perfect the art of disappearing without a trace. One minute you’re there, the next — poof! You’ve vanished like a magician’s assistant. No goodbyes, no explanations. You’re just gone, leaving them wondering if you were ever really there in the first place.
6. Use the “group chat” deflection.
Do they want to make plans? Toss that hot potato into a group chat. “Let’s see what everyone else thinks!” Suddenly, your one-on-one hang becomes a logistical nightmare involving six other people’s schedules. Watch those plans crumble under the weight of collective indecision.
7. Become very interested in your phone.
When they’re talking, develop a sudden, intense fascination with your phone. Scroll endlessly, laugh at “messages” from other people, or just stare at your blank home screen like it’s the most riveting thing you’ve ever seen. Your phone is now your shield against unwanted interaction.
8. Perfect the art of the non-committal grunt.
Respond to their stories or questions with a series of “uh-huhs” and “mmhmms.” Show all the enthusiasm of a sloth on sedatives. Your vocabulary has suddenly shrunk to noises that could be agreement, disagreement, or just indigestion. Keep them guessing.
9. Become a sudden expert in personal space.
When they get close, treat them like they’ve got a forcefield around them. Take a step back every time they step forward. Dodge hugs like you’re in The Matrix. Your new motto is “If you can smell their breath, you’re too close.” Personal bubbles are important, and yours just got a whole lot bigger.
10. Develop very specific and changeable tastes.
Oh, they suggest getting Italian food? Suddenly, you’re on a strict no-carb diet. They propose a movie? You’ve developed a rare condition where you can only watch films made before 1962. Your preferences change more often than the weather, always conveniently clashing with their suggestions.
11. Become the world’s worst conversationalist.
When they try to chat, turn into a black hole of dialogue. Don’t ask questions, don’t offer information, don’t keep the ball rolling. Let those awkward silences stretch out until they’re practically visible. Become so boring in conversation that they’ll think twice before striking one up with you again.
12. Master the fake enthusiasm.
When they share news or ideas, hit them with the most obvious, over-the-top fake enthusiasm you can muster. “Wow! That’s soooo interesting!” in a tone that suggests watching paint dry would be more riveting. Lay it on so thick they can’t help but catch the sarcasm.
13. Become very concerned about their well-being… elsewhere.
Source: Unsplash Whenever they suggest plans, become deeply worried about their comfort… somewhere you won’t be. “Oh, but won’t you be cold/hot/tired/bored there? Maybe you should stay home and rest instead.” Your concern for their welfare only extends to activities that don’t involve you.
14. Develop a sudden interest in their least favourite things.
Source: Unsplash They hate country music? Suddenly, you’re all about line dancing and banjos. Can’t stand sci-fi? You’ve just become a die-hard Trekkie. Make it clear that your interests and theirs are on completely different planets.
15. Become the king or queen of rain checks.
Every invitation is met with a “Maybe next time!” or “Let’s play it by ear.” You’re always up for hanging out… sometime in the vague, distant future. Keep pushing that meetup back until it fades into myth and legend.
16. Perfect the “Oh, you’re here” greeting.
When you do run into them, master the art of sounding mildly surprised and not at all pleased. “Oh… you’re here” in a tone that suggests you were hoping for literally anyone else to walk through that door. Follow it up with a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes for extra effect.
