Sometimes, you don’t even realise when you’re holding people at a distance.
It’s not always on purpose, either. It might be protective, cautious, or just unconscious. However, certain habits you’ve developed over the years can send the message that you’re not fully there yet when it comes to trust. Whether that’s true or not, only you know. However, if you’re doing these things, you’re giving off some seriously sceptical signals.
1. You keep conversations surface-level, even when they open up.
You might ask about their weekend or their job, but when they try to go deeper—talking about emotions, struggles, or personal history—you quickly change the subject or keep your responses short. It’s subtle, but it’s basically a giant wall between you. Of course, that doesn’t mean you’re cold. It often just means you’re not sure yet if they’re safe. However, to the other person, it might feel like you’re not interested in a deeper connection, even if you are.
2. You avoid eye contact during meaningful moments.
When someone shares something vulnerable, and you look away, it can feel like you’re emotionally pulling back. You might not even notice you’re doing it—it’s just a quick reflex to avoid discomfort or feeling exposed. The thing is, eye contact is a big part of building trust. It says, “I’m here with you.” Avoiding it during emotionally charged moments can leave people feeling like you’re not fully present with them yet.
3. You fact-check their stories or second-guess their intentions.
If you find yourself double-checking what they said, reading between the lines for hidden motives, or looking for “proof” of what they shared, it can come off like you’re expecting them to slip up or lie. That doesn’t make you paranoid, though; it’s often a habit built from past let-downs. Sadly, as time goes on, people start to notice when they’re not being taken at their word, and it can create distance where closeness could’ve grown.
4. You joke about your vulnerability instead of showing it.
Humour is a great tool, but if you constantly use it to dodge real emotion, people pick up on that. You might brush off serious things with sarcasm, or quickly laugh at yourself when something real slips through. To other people, it can feel like you’re scared to be seen. And while that’s totally human, it can also make it harder for people to feel close to you when they’re offering sincerity and getting deflection in return.
5. You hold back sharing details about your life.
You might talk in vague terms about your weekend or skip over key details about what’s really going on. It’s not that you’re lying; it’s more like you’re editing the story to keep things light and safe. It’s pretty common when trust is still building. But when you consistently keep people out of the loop, it can make them feel like you’re keeping them at arm’s length, even if your presence suggests otherwise.
6. You’re overly polite when you’re actually uncomfortable.
Instead of saying, “Hey, that didn’t sit right with me,” you smile and brush it off. You nod along. You stay agreeable. It feels safer than being direct, especially if you’re not sure how they’ll respond. However, that kind of politeness can read as emotional distance. It tells people you’d rather avoid conflict than be fully honest, which makes it harder for them to trust that you feel safe enough to be real around them.
7. You hesitate before accepting help or support.
When someone offers to help, whether emotionally or practically, you pause, say you’re fine, or insist you don’t want to be a burden. It can come from pride, habit, or a fear of being let down. The truth it, consistently declining support can quietly tell people you don’t believe they’ll show up in a way that’s steady or safe. Accepting help, even in small ways, often builds trust more than offering it ever could.
8. You keep conversations focused on them, not you.
You’re a great listener, and you ask thoughtful questions, but you rarely volunteer much about yourself. It’s easier to make space for other people than risk sharing something personal that could feel too vulnerable. While that generosity is appreciated, it can start to feel uneven. If someone’s opening up, and you’re not reciprocating, it might leave them wondering whether you’re just polite, or genuinely interested in connection.
9. You stop before answering emotionally honest questions.
When someone asks how you’re really doing, you hesitate. You might even give a rehearsed answer instead of what’s actually true. That pause, even if it’s just a few seconds long, often reveals more than what you end up saying. It’s a little window into the internal debate you’re having—can I trust them with the truth? Hesitation is human, but after a while, it tells them that you’re still deciding whether they’re safe enough for your full self.
10. You make plans with an escape route in mind.
You agree to hang out but pick something short. You arrive late or say you might need to leave early. It gives you a sense of control, sure, but it also tells the other person you’re not sure you want to fully settle in with them yet. That doesn’t mean the time together isn’t enjoyable. It just means you’re still guarded. While that’s okay, it’s something people notice when they’re hoping for a deeper bond.
11. You don’t share your opinions until you know where they stand.
You wait to hear what they think first. You soften your words or mirror their opinions, just in case yours don’t align. It’s a way to feel things out and avoid judgement, but it also blocks authentic connection. When people notice you holding back, they might start holding back too. Suddenly, the conversation stays polite, but never gets real. Trust grows through honesty, not agreement.
12. You act extra independent, even when you’re struggling.
You handle everything yourself. You’re strong, capable, self-contained, and that’s admirable. But sometimes, that hyper-independence is a mask for not trusting anyone to support you in a consistent way. When you never lean on other people, it can come across like you don’t believe they’re dependable. Even if they respect your strength, they might quietly feel shut out by your refusal to need them, even a little.
13. You rarely use affectionate language, even platonically.
When people say “love you,” you say “you too.” When someone compliments you, you change the subject. Emotional closeness makes you feel exposed, so you keep things neutral, even when your heart’s in it. That doesn’t make you cold; it’s usually self-protection. However, when your affection never comes through in words, people might assume you’re not emotionally invested yet, even if you care deeply.
14. You dismiss compliments or brush them off.
Source: Unsplash When someone says something kind, you immediately downplay it or change the subject. It might feel uncomfortable to be seen, or you might not fully believe what they’re saying. Unfortunately, to the other person, it can feel like rejection. It quietly says, “I don’t trust your view of me.” Accepting praise with a simple “thank you” takes practice, but it often invites more connection than you expect.
15. You struggle to believe people mean what they say.
Even when someone is kind, consistent, and emotionally available, you still wonder if it’s real. You look for the catch. You prepare yourself to be disappointed just in case. A bit of caution is understandable, especially if you’ve been let down before. However, it also creates a barrier that other people can feel, even when they’re doing everything right. Trust takes time, but recognising when you’re guarding too hard is the first step in softening that stance.
