Just because you don’t wrestle with self-doubt daily doesn’t mean you don’t have insecurities.
It’s only human, of course, and the things we’re the most wobbly about internally tend to come through in what we say. Some statements sound harmless, or even polite, but they subtly tell people you’re unsure of yourself, looking for approval, or trying to play small to stay safe. Once you notice these patterns, you can start changing the way you speak, and carry yourself with more confidence, which is what you deserve.
Keep a listen out for these sentences in your vernacular, as they often come from a place of insecurity, even if you don’t mean them that way. If you hear yourself saying them, you’ll know it’s time to pivot.
1. “Sorry, I just had a quick question.”
That “sorry” at the beginning and “just” in the middle are both softeners. You’re not doing anything wrong by asking a question, but these words make it sound like you’re apologising for taking up space. It’s a subtle way of shrinking yourself before you’ve even spoken. Try removing the apology and keeping it simple: “I have a question about this.” You’ll sound clearer, and you won’t be handing your confidence away before the conversation even starts.
2. “I could be wrong, but…”
This is a classic one people use to protect themselves from sounding too confident. You want to speak up, but you also want to soften the impact, just in case you’re off the mark. The problem is, it makes people doubt what you’re saying, whether it’s right or not. You don’t have to stomp around the room with certainty, but if you’ve got a point, own it. You can still leave space for discussion without undermining yourself from the start.
3. “Does that make sense?”
This one gets used a lot when people feel unsure about how they’re coming across. It’s often code for, “I’m afraid I sounded confusing or stupid.” Sadly, instead of helping, it often invites people to second-guess you, even if they were following just fine. If you really want to check in, a more confident version might be, “Let me know if you need me to clarify anything.” That way, you’re still being considerate, without making it sound like you don’t trust your own words.
4. “I’m probably overthinking this…”
This is something you say when you feel unsure but want to soften the fact that you care so much. It’s a self-conscious phrase, as if you’re embarrassed for having strong thoughts or concerns. However, saying this out loud makes people less likely to take your insight seriously. You’re allowed to think things through deeply. You don’t have to talk yourself out of your own perspective to seem chill. If it’s bothering you, it matters, whether you’re “overthinking” or not.
5. “I don’t know if this is a stupid idea, but…”
This is one of the quickest ways to put doubt in people’s heads before they’ve even heard your idea. When you lead with insecurity, people often take the cue and treat your idea as something half-formed or not worth much, even if it’s actually good. You can still frame something as a suggestion, but skip the self-sabotage. Try something like, “Here’s something I was thinking. What do you reckon?” It invites feedback without setting your own idea up to fail.
6. “I’m probably being too sensitive…”
When you feel something strongly and then second-guess yourself out loud, it tells people you’re not sure you’re allowed to have those emotions. It makes it easier for other people to dismiss how you feel, too, since you’re already doing it to yourself. You can acknowledge your emotions without apologising for them. It’s more confident to say, “That felt off to me,” than to label yourself as too sensitive before anyone else can.
7. “I’ll just go with whatever you want.”
Trying to be easygoing is one thing, but if you always say this, it starts to sound like you don’t value your own preferences. People might appreciate your flexibility at first, but as time goes on, they stop asking what you actually want. Even something as simple as “I’m happy with either, but I’d lean toward [your choice]” shows you’ve got your own voice. It doesn’t make you difficult; it makes you visible.
8. “This is probably a dumb question, but…”
This line often comes from fear of judgement. You want to ask something, but you’re trying to pre-empt embarrassment by calling yourself out first. Unfortunately, all it really does is eat away at how seriously people take you. No one knows everything. If you’ve got a question, ask it like it deserves an answer. Saying, “I just want to clarify something. Can you explain…” is way more confident than dragging yourself before you even speak.
9. “If that’s okay with you…”
There’s nothing wrong with checking in, but if you tack this onto every sentence, it can make you seem like you’re constantly asking for permission to exist. People start to sense that you don’t feel secure in what you’re saying or doing. It’s okay to collaborate, but confidence means owning your decisions. Say what you think. Then invite input if needed, but don’t assume everything you do needs a stamp of approval first.
10. “I’m not great at this, but I’ll try.”
Honesty is good, but this phrase, especially when said too often, makes it sound like you expect to fail. You’re trying to lower the bar before you’ve even started, hoping people will go easy on you if you mess up. You can be realistic without putting yourself down. Saying something like, “I haven’t done this much, but I’m up for it,” hits differently. It’s still honest, but with a mindset that leans into growth, not avoidance.
11. “I hope that’s okay…”
This phrase pops up a lot when you’re trying to set a boundary or express a preference, but don’t feel confident doing it. You say what you need, then soften it immediately, as if you’re worried someone might think badly of you. It’s okay to want things. You can set a boundary and stop the sentence there. “I’m not available that day” is stronger, and still respectful, without needing approval attached to it.
12. “I’ll be really quick, I promise.”
This sentence often slips in when you’re worried about being a burden. You don’t want to take up too much time, so you try to justify your presence by promising you’ll make it brief. But that urgency makes you sound small, like you don’t believe you deserve people’s attention.
Sometimes a quick check-in is appropriate, but if you constantly feel the need to rush your thoughts, ask yourself where that fear of being “too much” is coming from. You don’t need to race through life just to be tolerated.
13. “I don’t want to bother you, but…”
This one sounds polite, but it puts the whole interaction on a shaky footing. It tells people you think your needs or message are inconvenient, and that you’re already on the back foot before the conversation’s even started. You can still be respectful without making yourself sound like a burden. Try, “Let me know if this is a good time” or “Just wanted to follow up on…” You’re still showing awareness, but with more self-assurance.
14. “Never mind, it’s not important.”
If you start to share something and then shut it down with this phrase, it tells people that you don’t believe your voice matters. Even if it’s a small thing, saying this too often can train other people to stop asking, and train you to stop speaking up. Not everything has to be a major issue to be worth saying. If it came up for you, it counts. Practice following through instead of pulling back, and you might be surprised how often people are actually willing to hear you out.
15. “I’m fine, really.”
This one’s often code for “I’m not fine, but I don’t want to make a fuss.” You’re brushing off your feelings to avoid looking emotional, dramatic, or “too much.” However, it also stops people from really knowing you, and it creates distance even when what you want is connection.
You don’t have to spill everything, but saying, “I’ve got a lot on my mind, but I don’t feel like talking about it right now” is way more honest than pretending you’re fine. It builds real respect because it shows you trust yourself enough to be clear.
