Some of us seem to face more challenges in life than others, and those tough times can really leave their mark on you.
Hopefully, you’ve found the support and tools you need to process the things you’ve been through and move on from them, but some of these tough experiences leave an indelible mark that no amount of therapy or journaling can erase. If you’re someone who had a difficult past, chances are, you might relate to a few of these things.
1. You find it hard to trust people.
When you’ve been betrayed in the past or had your insecurities used against you, that makes it hard to want to open up to anyone. You might be wary of new relationships, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sadly, this protective instinct can sometimes prevent you from forming meaningful connections, even when you want to.
2. You’re always prepared for the worst.
It’s exhausting to constantly be anticipating the worst. However, there you are, planning for every possible disaster, no matter how unlikely. While being prepared isn’t bad, an inability to relax and enjoy the present moment is a sure sign you had some tough experiences in your past. Don’t let them colour your future.
3. You have a tendency to overthink things.
Replaying conversations in your head, analysing every interaction, and second-guessing decisions are common behaviours for those who’ve faced tough times. Overthinking can be a way of trying to prevent future pain or disappointment, but it often leads to unnecessary stress.
4. You struggle with self-worth.
Difficult experiences can leave lasting impacts on how you view yourself, and you might find it hard to recognise your own value or accept compliments. Unfortunately, having low self-esteem can affect various aspects of your life, from relationships to career prospects. Learn to love yourself — you deserve it.
5. You have a hard time setting boundaries.
If you’ve had your boundaries disrespected in the past, you might struggle with establishing and maintaining healthy ones now. This could manifest as being overly accommodating or, on the flip side, putting up walls that are too rigid. Finding the right balance can be a challenge, but keep working at it.
6. You’re hyper-independent.
Past experiences of being let down might have taught you to rely solely on yourself. While self-reliance is admirable, extreme independence can make it hard to ask for help when you need it. You might pride yourself on never needing anyone, even when support would make a world of difference. You don’t have to go it alone, you know.
7. You find it hard to express your emotions.
If showing emotions was unsafe or discouraged in your past, you might find it hard to express them now. As a result, you might end up bottling up feelings or struggling to identify and articulate what you’re experiencing. It can affect your ability to connect deeply with people, not to mention it may lead to an explosion of ignored feelings down the line.
8. You’re a people-pleaser.
A hard past can sometimes lead to an overwhelming need to keep everyone happy. You might find yourself saying ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’, or prioritising everyone else’s needs at the expense of your own. This could be because you have a deep-seated fear of rejection or conflict, but whatever the root cause, it can be incredibly damaging.
9. You have a tendency to self-sabotage.
When things are going well, you might unconsciously do something to derail your progress, which could be down to a belief that you don’t deserve good things (you do, I promise!) or a fear of the unknown. Self-sabotage can manifest in various areas of life, from relationships to career opportunities.
10. You’re always on high alert.
A tough past can leave you in a constant state of vigilance. You might startle easily, always be scanning for potential threats, or have trouble relaxing. However it manifests, being in a heightened state of awareness all the time can be exhausting and impact your daily life and relationships.
11. You have a hard time celebrating your achievements.
When you’ve faced major challenges, it can be tough to acknowledge your successes, so you may downplay your accomplishments or feel uncomfortable with praise. Maybe you’re worried about disappointing other people (or yourself), or you don’t think you deserve recognition. You’re missing out on so much happiness and much-deserved acknowledgement because of this, however.
12. You struggle with perfectionism.
A tough past can sometimes lead to an intense drive for perfection. You might set unrealistically high standards for yourself, fearing that anything less than perfect will result in failure or rejection. This perfectionism can be paralysing and prevent you from taking risks or trying new things.
13. You struggle when it comes to making decisions.
If past choices led to painful consequences, you might now find decision-making overwhelming. Even small decisions can cause anxiety as you weigh every possible outcome. You’re probably terrified of making the ‘wrong’ choice and having to deal with negative repercussions as a result.
14. You’re extremely critical of yourself and other people.
A harsh inner critic often develops from difficult experiences, so you might be excessively judgemental of your own actions and extend this criticism to other people. While high standards aren’t inherently bad, constant criticism can strain relationships and self-esteem.
15. You have trouble accepting help or kindness.
If you’ve learned to rely solely on yourself, accepting help from other people can feel uncomfortable or even threatening. You might see people’s offer to help as suspicious, or feel undeserving of kindness. This can make it hard to build supportive relationships. Sometimes, you have to let people be there for you!
16. You struggle with commitment.
Past disappointments or losses can make the idea of commitment frightening. You might start pulling away when relationships start to get serious or feel hesitant to commit to long-term plans, and this fear of commitment can extend to various areas of life, from romantic relationships to career choices.
17. You have a tendency to isolate yourself.
When life has been tough, withdrawing from other people can feel like a safe option. You might find yourself avoiding social situations or pushing people away. While this isolation might feel protective, it can lead to loneliness and missed opportunities for connection and support.
18. You find it hard to envision a positive future.
A challenging past can make it hard to imagine a brighter future. You might struggle with setting long-term goals or feeling hopeful about what’s to come. Not being able to see the possibilities can impact your motivation and ability to work towards positive changes in your life. You deserve so much more than you’re allowing yourself — let things be good!
