Inconsiderate people aren’t always loud or obviously rude.
Sometimes, the real issue is in the offhand comments, the dismissive one-liners, or the subtle language that makes people feel like an afterthought. It’s not always that you have bad intentions—it’s that you tend to lack awareness of how your words affect the people around you. If these phrases come up often in your conversations, or make you wince when you hear them, it might be time for a reset.
1. “Well, it’s not that deep.”
This is a fast-track way to dismiss someone’s emotional response without having to understand it. It sounds casual, but it minimises whatever the other person just shared. When someone says this, they’re usually uncomfortable with vulnerability and trying to sweep things under the rug. However, not everything has to be traumatic to matter. Sometimes it is that deep, and brushing it off makes people feel invisible.
2. “You’re taking it the wrong way.”
Instead of checking how their message came across, inconsiderate people blame the listener for interpreting it “wrong.” It sidesteps responsibility and frames the problem as a misunderstanding, never their delivery. People who genuinely care about clarity don’t default to defence. They say, “Let me try again,” not “That’s on you.”
3. “That’s just common sense.”
This one’s designed to make someone feel stupid, whether intentionally or not. It assumes everyone sees the world the same way, and if they don’t, they’re behind. The thing is, people have different life experiences and reference points. Throwing this phrase around usually indicates a lack of patience, not an abundance of wisdom.
4. “I just thought you’d know.”
This one sounds harmless but carries a sting of passive blame. It shows up when someone forgets to communicate clearly, then subtly holds you responsible for not reading their mind. When used often, it becomes a way to avoid accountability, especially when they didn’t actually make the effort to share what they were thinking.
5. “You’re always in a mood lately.”
Instead of asking what’s going on, this line immediately labels someone’s behaviour as annoying or inconvenient. It turns their emotional state into a personal problem for you to observe, not something you might support. It’s a way of noticing that something’s wrong—without the effort of care or curiosity.
6. “Can we not do this right now?”
Timing matters, for sure, but when this line is used to repeatedly avoid emotional conversations, it becomes a tool for control. It keeps issues at arm’s length and leaves the other person stewing in silence. If someone’s bringing something up, they’re already uncomfortable. Shutting them down without a plan to return to it just deepens the disconnect.
7. “You always make things harder than they need to be.”
This one frames someone’s approach or personality as a problem. It subtly says, “Your way of existing is inconvenient for me.” Whether it’s about conflict, planning, or emotion, it tells them they’re difficult rather than different. People don’t become easier to talk to by being made to feel like a burden. They just stop talking altogether.
8. “I guess we just see things differently.”
It sounds diplomatic, but it’s often a lazy way to disengage from real dialogue. It’s used when someone doesn’t want to explore the gap, they just want to shut the door on it. There’s nothing wrong with disagreement. But when this phrase ends the conversation instead of deepening it, it becomes a stylish exit from empathy.
9. “It’s not a big deal to me.”
This might be true, but that’s not the point. It implies that something should only matter if you care about it. It ranks priorities by personal relevance instead of mutual respect. In relationships, what matters to one person should matter enough to the other that they don’t brush it off just because it doesn’t register on their radar.
10. “You’re reading into things too much.”
This tells someone they’re imagining complexity where there is none—which is often just a way to avoid emotional depth. In truth, people who “read into things” are usually noticing what other people are trying to gloss over. If you care, you lean in. If you don’t, you say this instead—and act like insight is a flaw.
11. “I didn’t think it would bother you.”
This line usually comes after a boundary has been crossed. It quietly shifts the responsibility to the person who was hurt, rather than admitting the mistake or lack of communication. Even if you didn’t think it would bother them, it did. That’s all the information you need to do better next time.
12. “I was under a lot of pressure.”
Life gets stressful, but when this becomes a default excuse for snappy behaviour, forgotten responsibilities, or emotional withdrawal, it stops being about circumstance and starts being a pattern. Stress might explain things, but it doesn’t erase impact—and it doesn’t exempt you from repair.
13. “I don’t see what the issue is.”
This is a passive way of saying, “Your feelings don’t register for me.” It’s not curious. It’s dismissive. It keeps the focus on their confusion rather than your willingness to understand. If someone is upset, and you truly don’t see the issue, ask. Don’t just declare it irrelevant because it didn’t hit you the same way.
14. “If it was really important, you would’ve told me sooner.”
Used to deflect from someone’s feelings by pointing to their timing, not the content. It’s a tactic that puts the spotlight on how something was said instead of what was said. Sometimes people need time to gather courage, or clarity. Dismissing that because it wasn’t immediate just reinforces the reason they waited in the first place.
15. “I can’t believe you’re still bringing that up.”
This one’s a classic for people who want closure on their terms. It doesn’t mean the issue is resolved—it just means they’re done being reminded of it. However, if it’s still being mentioned, there’s still something unsettled. Instead of eye-rolling through repetition, ask yourself what part of the hurt still hasn’t been addressed. That’s where the conversation needs to go.
16. “Let’s not make this a thing.”
This sounds like a call for calm, but it’s often a fast-track to emotional minimisation. It pressures the other person to downplay what they’re feeling for the sake of “keeping the peace.” If it’s “becoming a thing,” there’s already emotional weight behind it. Respecting that weight is how you prevent it from spiralling—not by pretending it’s not there.
