Growing up feeling like the less-favoured child can screw you up for life.
If you’ve ever wondered why you act or feel certain ways, it might be traced back to your childhood experiences. Here are 18 traits you might recognise if you felt your parents loved your siblings more.
1. You’re an overachiever or an underachiever.
You might find yourself constantly striving to prove your worth or, on the flip side, giving up before you even try. Both can stem from that childhood need to earn love or the belief that you’ll never measure up. This pattern often extends into various aspects of life, from work to personal relationships, as you either push yourself to exhaustion or avoid challenges altogether.
2. You have a hard time trusting people.
If your first experience with love felt conditional or lacking, you might struggle to believe people truly care about you. This can make forming deep connections tricky. You might find yourself always waiting for the other shoe to drop or questioning people’s motives, even when they’re genuinely trying to be kind.
3. You’re overly sensitive to criticism.
Even mild feedback might feel like a personal attack. Growing up feeling compared or criticised can make you extra sensitive to any hint of disapproval. You might find yourself dwelling on small comments for days, or feeling devastated by constructive feedback that was meant to be helpful.
4. You’re a people-pleaser.
You might bend over backwards to make people happy, often at your own expense. It’s like you’re still trying to earn that love and approval you felt was missing. This can lead to burnout and resentment, as you constantly put everyone else’s needs before your own.
5. You have a fierce independent streak.
On the other hand, you might have decided early on that you can only rely on yourself. This can make it hard to ask for help or let people in. While self-reliance can be a strength, taken to extremes it can lead to isolation and missed opportunities for support and collaboration.
6. You struggle with self-worth.
That nagging feeling of not being “good enough” can follow you into adulthood. You might constantly question your value or feel like an imposter. This can manifest in various ways, from underselling yourself professionally to accepting less than you deserve in personal relationships.
7. You’re drawn to unavailable people.
In relationships, you might find yourself attracted to people who are emotionally distant. It’s familiar territory, even if it’s not healthy. This pattern can lead to a series of unfulfilling relationships as you unconsciously try to recreate and resolve childhood dynamics.
8. You’re the family peacemaker.
You might have taken on the role of mediator in your family, always trying to smooth things over. This can carry into other relationships too. While this skill can be valuable, it can also lead to suppressing your own needs and feelings in an effort to keep everyone else happy.
9. You have a competitive streak with your siblings.
Even as adults, you might feel like you’re still competing for attention or approval. Family gatherings can feel like a contest. This ongoing rivalry can strain sibling relationships and make it difficult to enjoy family time without feeling stressed or anxious.
10. You’re extra hard on yourself.
That inner critic of yours might be louder than most. You’re probably your own harshest judge, holding yourself to impossibly high standards. This self-criticism can be paralysing, preventing you from taking risks or fully enjoying your accomplishments.
11. You have a complicated relationship with success.
Success might feel both desperately important and oddly uncomfortable. You want to prove yourself, but part of you might fear outshining those around you. This conflicted relationship with achievement can lead to self-sabotage or difficulty fully embracing and celebrating your successes.
12. You’re hyper-aware of fairness.
You’re likely quick to notice when things aren’t equal or just. This sensitivity to fairness can be a double-edged sword in relationships. While it can make you a strong advocate for equality, it can also lead to constant comparisons and feelings of resentment.
13. You struggle with setting boundaries.
Saying “no” or standing up for yourself might feel challenging. You might worry that setting boundaries will lead to rejection. This difficulty can result in feeling overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or resentful in various relationships and situations.
14. You’re either very close to or very distant from your family.
Your relationship with your family might be all or nothing. You either work overtime to stay connected or keep them at arm’s length. This extreme approach can make family relationships stressful and may reflect unresolved feelings about your childhood experiences.
15. You have a strong need for validation.
Compliments and recognition might mean the world to you. That childhood hunger for approval can stick around well into adulthood. While external validation can feel good, relying too heavily on it can make your self-esteem fragile and dependent on what people think of you.
16. You’re resilient.
On the positive side, you’ve likely developed a thick skin and the ability to bounce back from setbacks. Adversity isn’t new to you. This resilience can be a real strength, helping you navigate life’s challenges with determination and grit.
17. You’re empathetic to underdogs.
Having felt like the odd one out, you might have a soft spot for people who seem left behind or overlooked. This empathy can make you a compassionate friend and advocate for those who are struggling or marginalised.
18. You’re working on healing.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re aware of your past and trying to understand its impact. That self-awareness is a big step towards healing and growth. Recognising these patterns is the first step in deciding which serve you and which you might want to change, paving the way for healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self.
