Relationships won’t always be 50/50, but they should be as close to equal as possible most of the time.
Unfortunately, sometimes the scales tip too far in one direction and stay there, leading to one person taking on the bulk of the load. Obviously, that’s not healthy or sustainable, nor is it fair. If you’re the one shouldering these burdens, your partner either needs to step up, or you need to walk out the door.
1. Managing all the mental load
If you’re the only one who remembers dentist appointments, knows when the car needs servicing, and tracks family birthdays, you’re carrying too much. Mental load is like being the household’s personal assistant, project manager, and calendar app all at once. While it’s normal for partners to have different strengths, one person shouldn’t be the default manager of life’s logistics. Share that Google calendar and start delegating before your brain needs a hard reset.
2. Handling all financial responsibilities
Whether you’re swimming in money or paddling in the shallow end, managing finances should be a team sport. If you’re the only one tracking bills, planning budgets, and worrying about savings, something’s off balance. Both partners should understand where the money goes and have a say in financial decisions. This isn’t about who earns more — it’s about shared responsibility for your financial future.
3. Being the only emotional support
Relationships shouldn’t be a one-way street of emotional labour. If you’re always the shoulder to cry on but never get one in return, or you’re constantly managing your partner’s feelings while yours get shelved, it’s time for some balance. A healthy relationship means both partners get to be both strong and vulnerable, not one person playing permanent therapist.
4. Taking care of all household maintenance
Unless you’re living in a magical self-cleaning house, someone has to deal with the broken doorknob and the mysterious kitchen sink sounds. If that someone is always you, while your partner conveniently develops selective blindness to household issues, it’s time for a change. Home maintenance shouldn’t be a solo adventure — it’s about sharing the load of keeping your shared space functional and comfortable.
5. Making all social plans
If you’re the perpetual social secretary, planning every date night, organising every gathering, and maintaining all friendships, you’re doing too much. Social planning shouldn’t feel like a one-person event management company. Both partners should contribute to keeping your social life alive and remembering that your friends aren’t just going to maintain themselves.
6. Managing family relationships
Being the designated family diplomat isn’t a role anyone signed up for. If you’re the only one maintaining relationships with both families, remembering important dates, and mediating conflicts, it’s time for your partner to join the family affairs department. Both partners should actively participate in nurturing family connections and navigating the sometimes tricky waters of extended family dynamics.
7. Handling all childcare responsibilities
Parenting is definitely a two-person job, or at least it should be. If you’re solely responsible for school runs, doctor visits, homework help, and bedtime routines while your partner takes a permanent back seat, something needs to shift. Children benefit from having both parents actively involved in their care, and you deserve a break from being the default parent.
8. Making all major decisions
Whether it’s choosing a new flat, deciding on career moves, or planning holidays, big life decisions should be a collaborative effort. If you’re always the one weighing options and making tough calls while your partner shrugs and says, “whatever you think is best,” that’s not partnership — that’s passive passenger’s hip. Both partners should be active participants in shaping your shared future.
9. Being responsible for all pet care
That adorable fur baby you mutually agreed to get? They need shared care and attention. If you’re handling all the vet visits, walks, feeding schedules, and middle-of-the-night emergencies while your partner just enjoys the cute moments, it’s time for a pet care redistribution. Shared pets mean shared responsibilities, from the fun parts to the not-so-glamorous ones.
10. Managing all health-related matters
Being the household’s unofficial health minister isn’t fair. If you’re the only one tracking medications, making doctor appointments, and remembering health insurance details, your partner needs to step into the wellness arena. Health management is a shared responsibility, whether it’s remembering vitamin supplements or handling medical emergencies.
11. Handling all holiday planning
If the words “holiday season” send you into a stress spiral because you know you’ll be handling everything alone, something’s wrong. From gift shopping to meal planning to coordinating family visits, festive responsibilities should be shared. Your partner should be an active participant in creating holiday magic, not just showing up to enjoy the results.
12. Taking care of all meal responsibilities
Unless you’re living with a food critic who’s paying you for your services, meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking shouldn’t be a one-person show. If you’re constantly asking “what should we have for dinner?” while your partner waits to be served, it’s time for some kitchen equality. Both partners should contribute to keeping everyone fed and nourished.
13. Managing all technology issues
Being the default IT department at home can get old fast. If you’re solely responsible for fixing tech problems, managing accounts, and handling digital disasters while your partner conveniently becomes “tech-challenged,” it’s time for some skill-sharing. Basic tech management is a modern life skill that both partners should possess.
14. Handling all car maintenance
Whether you’re a car expert or not, vehicle maintenance shouldn’t fall to just one person. If you’re the only one thinking about oil changes, tire rotations, and insurance renewals, your partner needs to get in the driver’s seat of car care too. Both partners should understand basic car maintenance and share the responsibility of keeping your vehicles running safely.
15. Being responsible for all gift-giving
If you’re the only one remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions — not just remembering them but also planning, buying, and wrapping gifts — you’re doing too much. Gift-giving should be a shared responsibility, especially for shared connections. Your partner can certainly learn to set calendar reminders and pick out thoughtful presents.
16. Managing all communication with service providers
From dealing with the internet company to scheduling maintenance workers, if you’re the only one handling service providers and contractors, it’s time for a change. Both partners should be capable of making calls, scheduling appointments, and managing household services. Being an adult means sometimes having to talk to customer service, and that responsibility should be shared.
