Being friendly isn’t rocket science, but some people struggle with it more than others.
Yes, people can be… challenging at times, and no one is bubbly and personable 24/7. However, kindness is in short supply in this world, and it costs nothing to extend a bit of it to the people you meet. If you recognise yourself in any of the following behaviours, however, you may need to own up to the fact that you’re not very friendly.
1. You dominate every conversation.
If you’re always the one talking, you’re not being friendly — you’re being a bore. Friendly people know how to give and take in conversations. They ask questions, listen actively, and share the spotlight. If you find yourself constantly steering the chat back to your stories, you’re shutting people out.
2. You’re glued to your phone.
Source: Unsplash Nothing says “I don’t care about you” like scrolling through your phone while someone’s talking. Friendly people give their full attention to the person they’re with. If you can’t put your device away for a face-to-face interaction, you’re sending a clear message that the person in front of you isn’t worth your time.
3. You constantly complain.
Source: Unsplash Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. If your go-to topic is everything that’s wrong with your life, the weather, or the world, you’re not pleasant to be around. Friendly people can acknowledge problems without dwelling on them. They balance realism with optimism and know how to lift people up, not drag them down.
4. You never remember names.
Source: Unsplash Forgetting someone’s name once is forgivable. Consistently failing to remember shows you’re not making an effort. Friendly people make a point of learning and using names. It’s a simple way to show respect and build connections. If you can’t be bothered to remember, you’re not really interested in forming relationships.
5. You interrupt constantly.
Source: Unsplash Cutting people off mid-sentence is rude, plain, and simple. It shows you think your thoughts are more important than theirs. Friendly people wait their turn to speak and respect people’s right to finish their thoughts. If you’re always jumping in before people can finish, you’re not having a conversation — you’re having a monologue.
6. You gossip excessively.
Source: Unsplash Talking behind people’s backs isn’t just unfriendly — it’s toxic. It shows you can’t be trusted and that you enjoy tearing people down. Truly friendly people don’t engage in or encourage gossip. They speak directly to people about issues and focus on positive topics when chatting with people.
7. You never ask questions.
Source: Unsplash If you don’t ask questions, you’re not showing interest in other people. Friendly people are curious about those around them. They ask thoughtful questions and genuinely care about the answers. If your conversations are all about you sharing without inquiring, you’re missing out on real connections.
8. You’re always sarcastic.
Source: Unsplash A bit of sarcasm can be funny, but constant sarcasm is exhausting. It creates a negative atmosphere and can make people feel put down. Friendly people use humour that brings people together, not pushes them away. If your default mode is sarcasm, you might be alienating more people than you realise.
9. You’re judgmental.
Source: Unsplash Nobody likes feeling like they’re under a microscope. If you’re quick to criticise other people’s choices, appearance, or opinions, you’re not creating a welcoming environment. Friendly people are open-minded and accepting. They understand that different doesn’t mean wrong and that everyone has their own path.
10. You never admit when you’re wrong.
Source: Unsplash Stubbornness isn’t an attractive quality. If you can’t admit when you’ve made a mistake or acknowledge when someone else has a valid point, you’re not pleasant to be around. Friendly people are humble enough to say “I was wrong” or “You’re right”. This openness makes people feel respected and heard.
11. You’re always late.
Source: Unsplash Chronic lateness isn’t just unfriendly — it’s disrespectful. It shows you don’t value other people’s time. Friendly people make an effort to be punctual or at least communicate when they’re running behind. If you’re consistently showing up late without apology, you’re telling people they’re not a priority.
12. You one-up everyone.
Source: Unsplash If your response to someone’s story is always a bigger, better story of your own, you’re not being friendly — you’re being competitive. Friendly people know how to celebrate other people’s experiences without trying to overshadow them. If you’re always trying to “win” conversations, you’re losing friends.
13. You never offer to help.
Source: Unsplash Friendly people are quick to lend a hand when they see someone struggling. If you consistently ignore opportunities to help people — whether it’s a coworker with a heavy load or a friend moving house — you’re missing chances to build goodwill. Being friendly means being there for people, not just looking out for yourself.
14. You’re always negative about work.
Source: Unsplash Constant complaining about your job brings everyone down. While it’s okay to vent occasionally, if every conversation turns into a gripe session about your boss or workload, you’re not pleasant company. Friendly people can discuss work challenges without turning into a black hole of negativity.
15. You dismiss or belittle other people’s interests.
Source: Unsplash If you’re quick to call someone’s hobbies or passions “boring” or “stupid”, you’re not just unfriendly — you’re unkind. Friendly people show interest in what other people care about, even if it’s not their cup of tea. They ask questions and appreciate other people’s enthusiasm rather than shutting it down.
16. You never apologise sincerely.
Source: Unsplash If your apologies always come with excuses or blame-shifting, they’re not real apologies. Friendly people can own up to their mistakes and offer genuine, no-strings-attached apologies. If you find yourself unable to say “I’m sorry” without a “but” attached, you’re not taking responsibility for your actions.
17. You’re inconsistent.
Source: Unsplash Hot and cold behaviour isn’t friendly — it’s confusing and off-putting. If you’re warm one day and icy the next, people won’t know what to expect from you. Friendly people are relatively consistent in their interactions. They don’t play games or keep people guessing. If your mood swings dictate how you treat people, you’re not creating a welcoming environment.
