Having to talk to a narcissist is an exercise in restraint, and it’s not something most people do willingly.
However, sometimes you’re forced to have a conversation with this toxic, manipulative personality type against your will. If you don’t want to get pulled into their mind games and general bad vibes, you need to use the JADE technique. Here’s how to implement this in your chats to keep them from escalating and save your sanity.
1. Don’t Justify your actions or decisions.
Narcissists often demand explanations for your choices, trying to make you feel as though you need their approval. Resist the urge to justify yourself. Remember, you don’t owe them an explanation for your personal decisions. Simply state your choice without elaborating on your reasons.
2. Avoid Arguing with them about their behaviour.
Narcissists thrive on conflict and often use arguments to manipulate and control. When you argue, you’re giving them the attention and drama they crave. Instead of engaging in heated debates, try to remain calm and neutral. If necessary, agree to disagree and move on.
3. Don’t Defend yourself against their accusations.
Narcissists may try to provoke you with unfair accusations or criticism. It’s natural to want to defend yourself, but this often leads to a cycle of attack and defence that the narcissist controls. Instead, acknowledge that you’ve heard them without agreeing or disagreeing, and redirect the conversation if possible.
4. Refrain from Explaining your perspective or feelings.
While it’s important to express yourself in healthy relationships, narcissists often use your explanations against you. They may twist your words or use your vulnerabilities to manipulate you later. Keep your responses brief and factual, without delving into your emotional reasoning.
5. Use simple, clear statements.
When communicating with a narcissist, be direct and concise. Avoid long-winded responses that give them material to latch onto or misinterpret. Short, clear statements are harder for them to manipulate or argue against.
6. Set and maintain firm boundaries.
Establish clear boundaries about what you will and won’t tolerate in your interactions. Be prepared to enforce these boundaries consistently, even if it means ending the conversation or leaving the situation. Remember, you have the right to protect your emotional well-being.
7. Practice emotional detachment.
Try to view your interactions with the narcissist objectively, rather than getting emotionally invested. This can help you maintain your composure and avoid being drawn into their drama. Think of yourself as an observer, rather than a participant in their games.
8. Use “I” statements when necessary.
If you must express a feeling or need, use “I” statements that focus on your experience rather than their behaviour. For example, “I’m not comfortable with this conversation” instead of “You’re being manipulative.” This approach is less likely to trigger a defensive reaction.
9. Redirect the conversation when possible.
If the narcissist is pushing for a response you’re not comfortable giving, try to change the subject. Have a few neutral topics ready that you can bring up to shift the focus away from contentious issues.
10. Avoid sharing personal information.
Narcissists often use personal information as ammunition in future interactions. Keep conversations focused on necessary topics and avoid sharing details about your life, feelings, or relationships that they don’t need to know. In fact, the less they know, the better.
11. Don’t expect empathy or understanding.
Remember that a narcissist’s ability to empathise is limited. Don’t waste energy trying to get them to understand your feelings or perspective. Focus instead on managing the interaction in a way that protects your own emotional health, and get out as soon as possible.
12. Practice self-care after interactions.
Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting, even when using the JADE technique. Make sure to take care of yourself after these interactions. Do things that help you relax and recharge, whatever they might be, and reach out to supportive friends or family if needed.
13. Know when to walk away.
Sometimes, the best way to handle a narcissist is to limit or end contact altogether. If the relationship is causing major stress or harm to your mental health, it’s okay to prioritise yourself and distance yourself from the situation. In fact, it’s necessary — don’t forget that.
14. Talk to a therapist or counsellor if you’re having a tough time.
If you’re struggling to deal with a narcissist in your life, don’t hesitate to get help from a mental health professional. They can provide strategies tailored to your specific situation and help you process the emotional impact of these interactions.
