Childhood experiences — the good, the bad, and the ugly — shape us into who we are.
But when those memories aren’t so happy, it can be tough to shake them off. They can linger like that catchy tune you can’t get out of your head (looking at you, Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso”), affecting how we see ourselves, trust people, or even just navigate daily life. I’m not talking about minor scrapes and bruises here, but deeper emotional wounds that can really screw you up as an adult.
1. Your self-esteem might take a hit.
Growing up feeling unloved, overlooked, or constantly criticised can chip away at your confidence. It’s like a constant whisper in your ear saying you’re not good enough, not worthy of love, or always needing someone else’s approval. This can show up in all sorts of ways, from self-sabotage to feeling awkward when someone gives you a compliment.
2. Trusting people? Yeah, that’s hard.
If your childhood was full of broken promises, betrayals, or love that felt like a rollercoaster, it’s no surprise you might struggle to trust people now. You might be super cautious, always on the lookout for red flags, or find it really hard to let your guard down. This can make it tough to build deep connections and leave you feeling lonely or isolated.
3. Anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles might pop up.
Trauma and neglect during those early years can mess with your mental health. It’s not uncommon to deal with anxiety, depression, PTSD, or other conditions that can affect your mood, relationships, work, and overall passion for life. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional. Therapy and medication can be super helpful in managing these issues.
4. Keeping your cool can be a challenge.
If you didn’t learn healthy ways to cope with big emotions as a kid, it can be tricky to keep your cool as an adult. You might have angry outbursts, struggle with stress, or just shut down emotionally when things get tough. Think of emotional regulation like a muscle — t needs training. Mindfulness, meditation, and even just taking a few deep breaths can help you flex that muscle and better manage those feelings.
5. You might turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Sometimes, people try to numb the pain of the past with substances or other harmful behaviours. If you find yourself relying on these things to cope, it’s important to reach out for help. There are tons of resources available to help you kick those habits and start living a healthier, happier life. Remember, you’re not alone, and there’s no shame in asking for a helping hand.
6. You might have a negative view of yourself.
Growing up with constant criticism or put-downs can make you internalise those messages and start to believe you’re not good enough, not worthy of love, or not capable of happiness. It’s like wearing glasses with a dark tint, making everything look a little gloomier. But it’s important to remember that those messages aren’t true. You are worthy of love, happiness, and all the good things in life.
7. Perfectionism and the fear of messing up are always with you.
If your childhood was all about high expectations and never making mistakes, you might grow up with a fear of failure and a need to be perfect. This can lead to a whole lot of anxiety and stress, and make you feel like you’re never quite measuring up. But remember, everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of being human. Learning to embrace your imperfections and celebrate your wins, no matter how small, can help you break free from this cycle.
8. Saying “no” feels impossible.
If your boundaries weren’t respected as a kid, it can be tough to stand up for yourself and say no as an adult. You might find yourself always trying to please everyone, even if it means sacrificing your own needs. This can lead to resentment, feeling burnt out, and a loss of your own identity. Learning to set healthy boundaries and saying “no” is a crucial step in reclaiming your power and well-being.
9. You struggle with commitment and intimacy.
If your early relationships were marked by instability, inconsistency, or even abandonment, it can leave you feeling wary of commitment or intimacy as an adult. You might have a fear of getting hurt again, find it hard to open up to people, or even sabotage relationships unconsciously. This can create a vicious cycle of loneliness and isolation. It’s okay to take things slow and build trust gradually, but don’t let past hurts dictate your future happiness.
10. You have trouble expressing your needs and feelings.
If your emotions weren’t validated or acknowledged as a child, you might learn to suppress them or bottle them up. This can lead to difficulty communicating your needs, expressing your emotions, or asking for help. It’s like trying to speak a language you were never taught. But remember, expressing your needs and emotions is not a sign of weakness, but a crucial part of healthy communication and connection.
11. You’re always trying to please everyone and earn their approval.
If your parents’ love and approval felt conditional, you might have developed a strong need to please everyone to feel validated. This can lead to people-pleasing behaviour, where you prioritise everyone else’s needs over your own. It’s important to remember that your worth is not determined by other people’s opinions of you. You are enough, just as you are.
12. You have a tendency to isolate yourself and withdraw from social situations.
If your childhood felt unsafe or unpredictable, you might develop a tendency to isolate yourself as a way to protect yourself from further hurt. This can lead to social anxiety, loneliness, and a fear of intimacy. Remember, you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to connect with you. Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist can be a helpful first step in overcoming isolation.
13. You have trouble letting go of the past and moving on.
It’s perfectly normal to carry some baggage from your childhood. But if it feels like you’re stuck in the past, replaying old hurts and grievances, it might be time to get some help. This could involve therapy, journaling, or simply talking to someone you trust. Remember, you can’t change the past, but you can choose how it affects your future.
14. Guilt and shame are all too familiar feelings for you.
If you experienced abuse or neglect as a child, you might carry feelings of guilt and shame, even though you weren’t responsible for what happened. These feelings can be incredibly damaging and hold you back from living a full and happy life. It’s important to remember that you were just a child, and you did nothing to deserve the pain you experienced. Getting support from a therapist or support group can be helpful in processing these feelings and developing self-compassion.
