If there’s one thing narcissists love to do, it’s lie.
They’ll go out of their way to tell completely unnecessary and unbelievable fibs that are irritating at best and downright toxic at worst. You never know when you’re getting the truth out of them, but if you use these tricks, you’re way more likely to get the real story.
1. Appeal to their ego to make them feel important.
Narcissists thrive on feeling superior. By stroking their ego, you might encourage them to open up. Try phrases like, “I value your unique perspective on this” or “Your insight would be really helpful here.” When they feel their opinion is needed, they might be more inclined to share honest thoughts.
2. Use the “grey rock” method to make lying less rewarding.
The grey rock technique involves being as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible. By not reacting emotionally to their lies or manipulations, you make it less satisfying for them to be dishonest. They might eventually get bored and accidentally let the truth slip out.
3. Ask open-ended questions to gather more information.
Instead of yes-or-no questions, use open-ended ones that require more detailed answers. This makes it harder for them to stick to a simple lie. For example, instead of “Did you go to the party?” ask “What was the party like?” The more they talk, the more likely they are to reveal inconsistencies.
4. Set up situations where lying would make them look bad.
Create scenarios where being honest would actually benefit their image. For instance, you could say, “I admire people who can admit when they’re wrong. It shows real strength of character.” This might encourage them to be truthful to maintain their perceived superiority.
5. Use their need for control to your advantage.
Narcissists often lie to maintain control. Try giving them a sense of control in other ways. You could say, “I trust your judgment on this. What do you think is the best way forward?” When they feel in charge, they might be less inclined to lie.
6. Catch them off guard with unexpected timing.
Ask your questions when they’re distracted or not expecting it. They might not have time to construct a lie and may blurt out the truth. This could be when they’re focused on something else or right after they wake up.
7. Use their competitive nature to challenge them.
Frame honesty as a challenge or competition. You might say, “I bet you’re not brave enough to tell the whole truth about this situation.” Their desire to prove themselves might override their instinct to lie.
8. Pretend you already know the truth to see if they confirm it.
Act as if you’re already aware of the facts. You could say, “I know what really happened. I just want to hear you say it.” If they think you know, they might admit the truth to save face or appear cooperative.
9. Use their fear of exposure to encourage honesty.
Source: Unsplash Subtly hint that you have ways to verify information. For example, “It’s interesting you say that because I was planning to ask [a mutual friend] about it later.” The fear of being caught in a lie might prompt them to be truthful.
10. Employ the “broken record” technique to wear them down.
Repeatedly ask the same question in different ways. This persistence can be tiresome for them, and they might eventually tell the truth just to end the conversation. Be prepared for this to take time and stay calm throughout.
11. Utilise their desire for admiration to promote honesty.
Source: Unsplash Frame truthfulness as an admirable quality. You could say, “I’ve always respected how honest you are. It’s one of your best traits.” This might encourage them to live up to this praise by actually being honest.
12. Create a false sense of security to lower their guard.
Source: Unsplash Make them feel safe and comfortable before asking your questions. When they’re relaxed, they might be less vigilant about maintaining their lies. Casual settings or friendly conversations can be good opportunities for this.
13. Use their need for attention to your advantage.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists crave attention. Give them plenty of positive attention when they’re being truthful, and withdraw it when you suspect they’re lying. This might condition them to associate honesty with the attention they desire.
14. Employ the “foot-in-the-door” technique to build up to bigger truths.
Start with small, easy-to-answer truthful questions and gradually work your way up to more significant ones. This method can build momentum towards honesty and make it harder for them to switch to lying later on.
15. Use their fear of looking foolish to discourage lies.
Source: Unsplash Subtly imply that lying would make them look silly or unintelligent. You could say, “Only someone who doesn’t understand the situation would try to hide the truth here.” This might push them towards honesty to avoid appearing foolish.
16. Leverage their desire for loyalty to encourage truthfulness.
Source: Unsplash Frame honesty as a sign of loyalty or commitment to your relationship. You might say, “Real friends are always honest with each other, no matter what.” This could appeal to their desire to be seen as a loyal friend or partner.
17. Use time pressure to catch them off guard.
Source: Unsplash Create a sense of urgency when asking your questions. Say something like, “I need to know right now — what really happened?” The pressure might cause them to blurt out the truth before they can construct a lie.
18. Employ the “door-in-the-face” technique to make honesty seem easier.
Start by asking for something outrageous, then scale back to what you really want to know. After refusing the big request, they might feel more inclined to comply with the smaller one by being truthful.
19. Use their need for consistency to trap them in the truth.
Get them to commit to small truths early on, then point out how continuing to be honest aligns with their earlier statements. This makes it harder for them to switch to lying without appearing inconsistent.
20. Employ the “alternative of choice” method to limit their options.
Present them with two or three possible scenarios, one of which is the truth. This limits their ability to create an entirely new lie and might push them towards choosing the truthful option. It’s a subtle way of cornering them into honesty.
