Not everyone in an unhappy relationship will admit it — sometimes, they won’t even admit it to themselves.
However, misery has a way of slipping through, no matter how much someone tries to cover it up. You might notice subtle changes in their energy, how they talk about their partner, or even how they carry themselves when their significant other is around. If you’ve ever suspected that someone you know is struggling in their relationship, here are some pretty glaring signs that might confirm it.
1. They talk about their partner, but never in a positive way.
When someone is happy in their relationship, they naturally mention their partner in a way that feels warm or appreciative. But if every comment is laced with frustration, sarcasm, or exhaustion, it’s a sign that things aren’t great behind the scenes. They might not openly talk badly about their partner, but the way they speak about them — or avoid talking about them at all — can be very telling.
It’s not that every couple needs to gush about each other constantly, but if someone can’t recall the last time they said something nice about their partner, that’s a problem. Misery often shows up in the way they describe even the small, everyday interactions in their relationship.
2. They make excuses to spend less time at home.
When a relationship is fulfilling, home feels like a place you actually want to be. But if someone is always finding reasons to stay late at work, book solo plans, or “accidentally” be out when their partner gets home, they might be avoiding something. While occasional space is healthy, a pattern of constant avoidance usually isn’t.
If they used to prioritise time with their partner but now seem to avoid it at all costs, something has changed. Whether they realise it or not, their behaviour is showing that home doesn’t feel like a happy or peaceful place anymore.
3. They don’t argue — they’ve just given up.
It’s easy to assume that fighting means a relationship is in trouble, but often, the real warning sign is when someone stops fighting altogether. If someone used to be passionate about resolving issues but now just shrugs everything off or avoids discussions completely, that’s a sign they’ve emotionally checked out.
When people stop caring enough to argue or stand up for their needs, it often means they’ve lost hope that things will ever improve. Indifference can be far more concerning than fighting.
4. They seem constantly drained or irritated.
Being in an unhappy relationship can be emotionally exhausting, even if they don’t talk about it directly. You might notice they’re always on edge, snapping over small things, or seem completely drained after spending time with their partner. The weight of an unhappy relationship has a way of showing up in everyday moods.
If someone seems to have a shorter fuse than usual, is constantly sighing, or seems mentally checked out, it’s worth considering whether their relationship is a major source of stress. Even if they won’t admit it, their emotional state might be revealing more than they realise.
5. Their body language around their partner is noticeably off.
People in happy relationships naturally gravitate toward each other—subtle touches, leaning in, and relaxed expressions all show a sense of connection. But when someone is miserable, their body language tells a different story. You might notice stiff posture, crossed arms, forced smiles, or even flinching at small interactions.
It’s not just about what they say; it’s about what they don’t do. If they rarely make eye contact with their partner, don’t laugh as much around them, or seem physically distant, it’s a sign that the connection isn’t what it used to be.
6. They stop putting effort into their relationship.
When someone cares about their relationship, they make an effort, whether it’s planning small surprises, showing appreciation, or simply making time for quality moments together. But when they’re unhappy, that effort disappears. They stop planning date nights, forget important details, and seem uninterested in keeping things fresh.
It’s not always intentional, of course. Sometimes, misery leads to emotional exhaustion, which makes even small efforts feel pointless. If someone has checked out of their relationship mentally, their actions (or lack of them) will make that obvious.
7. They’re constantly “joking” about being unhappy.
Sometimes, the biggest truths come out disguised as jokes. If someone is always making sarcastic comments about their relationship, complaining in a half-laughing way, or saying things like, “Ugh, relationships, right?” they might be trying to downplay something real. Humour can be a way to express frustration without fully admitting to it.
If their “jokes” about their partner or their relationship always seem to have a bitter edge, it’s worth considering whether there’s truth behind them. The things people laugh about often reveal more than they intend to.
8. They start idealising being single.
Someone who’s truly happy in their relationship doesn’t fantasise about being single all the time. If they’re constantly reminiscing about how much easier life was before their relationship, making comments about how they “miss their freedom,” or joking about running away, that’s a red flag.
Even if they don’t openly say they want out, their mindset is already drifting in that direction. People in fulfilling relationships don’t spend their time dreaming about what it would be like to be alone.
9. They avoid talking about the future with their partner.
Future plans naturally come up in healthy relationships, whether it’s where to travel next or long-term life goals. But when someone is miserable, they avoid these conversations completely. They might change the subject, seem uncomfortable, or brush it off as something they “haven’t thought about.”
It’s not that they don’t think about the future — it’s that deep down, they’re unsure if their partner is in it. Avoidance is often a sign that they don’t feel secure in where the relationship is headed.
10. They light up when they’re around other people—but not their partner.
Have you ever seen someone seem full of life with friends, but instantly deflate when their partner arrives? That’s a telling sign that something is off. People in happy relationships don’t suddenly lose their spark the moment their significant other enters the room.
If their energy noticeably shifts, their smiles become more forced, or they seem tense around their partner, it’s a clear sign of discomfort. Happiness should feel consistent, not like something that disappears the second their partner is nearby.
11. They start engaging in little acts of rebellion.
When people feel trapped in a relationship, they often find small ways to reclaim control. This could be anything from making decisions without consulting their partner to secretly spending more time with friends or even testing boundaries in small ways.
It’s not always about intentionally being rebellious; it’s about subconsciously trying to assert some level of independence when they feel stuck. If they start acting differently in ways that seem out of character, it could be their way of pushing back against a relationship that feels suffocating.
12. They develop unhealthy coping mechanisms.
When someone is deeply unhappy but refuses to confront it, that stress has to go somewhere. You might notice them drinking more, overeating, overworking, or even zoning out on their phone excessively. These behaviours can be distractions from facing the deeper issue.
If their habits have noticeably changed and seem more like a way to escape reality, it’s worth considering whether their relationship is a source of stress. Unhappiness has a way of leaking into every area of life, even when people try to hide it.
13. They stop sharing personal details with their partner.
In a strong relationship, partners naturally share their thoughts, experiences, and feelings without hesitation. But when someone is miserable, they start keeping things to themselves, whether it’s daily updates, personal struggles, or even random stories about their day. It’s not always intentional, but a growing emotional distance makes sharing feel less meaningful.
If they used to talk about everything but now seem closed off or uninterested in telling their partner anything beyond the basics, that’s a red flag. Emotional disconnection often starts with silence, and when someone no longer sees the point in sharing, it’s a sign they might already feel detached.
14. They look relieved when their partner isn’t around.
The biggest giveaway that someone is miserable in their relationship? They seem noticeably lighter, happier, and more relaxed when their partner isn’t around. Instead of missing them, they seem to thrive in their absence, almost as if they’re taking a break from an emotional weight they carry when they’re together.
Happiness in a relationship shouldn’t feel like something that only exists when the other person isn’t there. If they seem visibly relieved the second their partner leaves the room, that’s one of the clearest signs that their relationship isn’t bringing them the joy it should.
