Striking up a conversation when you feel like you have nothing to say seems counterintuitive, but sometimes you don’t have a choice.
Maybe you’re at a work event where it’d be rude to ignore a colleague, or someone you haven’t seen in a while strikes up a conversation with you at the supermarket. Even if you cut things short, you’ll have to chat for at least a few minutes, but what on earth are you supposed to say? Here are some tips to make this experience slightly less awkward. You might end up with more to talk about than you originally thought you had!
1. Ask open-ended questions.
Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no, try asking questions that require more detailed responses. For example, instead of “Did you have a good weekend?” try “What was the highlight of your weekend?” This way, the other person has an opportunity to share more, and you potentially have more material to work with in the conversation. It’s a win-win!
2. Actually care about their responses.
When the other person is talking, actually listen and show that you’re engaged. Nod, make eye contact, and use encouraging phrases like “That’s interesting” or “Tell me more about that”. People generally enjoy talking about themselves, so showing a bit of genuine interest can keep the conversation going.
3. Share your own experiences.
If something they say reminds you of an experience you’ve had, share it. This doesn’t mean hijacking the conversation, but rather finding common ground. It could be as simple as “That reminds me of the time when…”. Sharing your own stories can help build rapport and keep the conversation flowing naturally.
4. Comment on your surroundings.
If you’re struggling for topics, look around you. Comment on the decor if you’re indoors, or the weather if you’re outside. While these might seem like small talk, they can often lead to more substantial conversations. For instance, commenting on a piece of art could lead to a discussion about favourite artists or travel experiences.
5. Bring up current events or popular culture.
Source: Unsplash Mentioning a recent news story, a popular TV show, or a new film can be a great conversation starter. Just be mindful to avoid controversial topics unless you know the other person well. A simple “Have you been following the news about…?” or “Have you seen the latest episode of…?” can open up new avenues of discussion.
6. Use the FORD technique.
Source: Unsplash FORD stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. These are generally safe topics that most people are comfortable discussing. You could ask about their family, what they do for work, their hobbies, or their future aspirations. These topics often lead to engaging conversations, as they’re personal without being too intrusive.
7. Practice active listening.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, the best way to keep a conversation going is to listen more than you speak. Pay attention to what the other person is saying and ask follow-up questions. This shows that you’re engaged and gives you more to work with in the conversation. Remember, a good conversation is a balance of speaking and listening.
8. Be comfortable with silence.
Source: Unsplash Not every moment in a conversation needs to be filled with words. It’s okay to have brief pauses. These moments can give both parties time to think and can lead to more meaningful topics. Don’t feel pressured to immediately fill every silence — sometimes, a short pause can naturally lead to a new, interesting direction in the conversation.
9. Share a compliment.
Source: Unsplash If you notice something positive about the person or their surroundings, share it. A genuine compliment can brighten someone’s day and open up new avenues of conversation. Just make sure your compliment is sincere and appropriate. For example, you might compliment their choice of accessories or the decor in their home if you’re visiting.
10. Use humour, but wisely.
Source: Unsplash A well-timed joke or a light-hearted observation can ease tension and make the conversation more enjoyable. However, be mindful of your audience and the situation. What’s funny to one person might not be to another. Start with gentle, universally appealing humour and gauge the other person’s reaction before proceeding.
11. Be honest about feeling stuck.
Source: Unsplash If you’re really struggling, it’s okay to admit it. Most people have experienced awkward silences and will understand. You could say something like, “I’m drawing a blank on conversation topics. What would you like to chat about?”. This honesty can be refreshing and might lead to a more authentic conversation.
12. Prepare some topics in advance.
Source: Unsplash If you know you’re going to be in a situation where you’ll need to make conversation, it can help to prepare a few topics beforehand. Think about current events, interesting articles you’ve read, or new experiences you’ve had. Having these in your back pocket can give you confidence and help prevent those awkward silences.
