While some people are lucky enough to have their sexuality figured out from a young age, not everyone is so fortunate.
It’s a complicated thing that’s influenced by a variety of factors, from culture and religion to upbringing and environment. When someone does come out later in life, it can come as more of a shock. However, that doesn’t make it any less important for you to support the person wholeheartedly. Here are some ways to do just that.
1. Listen without judgement when they open up to you.
Source: Unsplash When someone comes out to you, give them your full attention. Let them speak without interruption, and resist the urge to ask probing questions. Your role is to listen and provide a safe space for them to share their feelings. Show that you’re engaged by maintaining eye contact and nodding to encourage them to continue if they want to.
2. Thank them for trusting you with their truth.
Recognise the courage it takes to come out, especially later in life. Express your gratitude for being trusted with this information. A simple “Thank you for sharing this with me” can go a long way in making them feel valued and accepted. Your acknowledgement reinforces the bond between you and shows that you honour their trust.
3. Respect their privacy and let them control who knows.
Coming out is a personal journey, and it’s crucial to let the person decide who they want to tell and when. Don’t share their information with anyone else without their explicit permission. If you’re unsure about who else knows, it’s okay to ask them directly about their preferences for discretion.
4. Educate yourself about LGBTQ+ issues and terminology.
Take the initiative to learn more about LGBTQ+ topics. This might involve reading books, watching documentaries, or exploring reputable online resources. Understanding key terms and issues will help you have more informed conversations and show that you’re committed to supporting them. Remember, it’s not their job to educate you on everything.
5. Offer practical support as they navigate their new identity.
Ask if there are specific ways you can help. This might include going with them to LGBTQ+ events, helping them find local support groups, or simply being available for a chat when they need it. Your willingness to offer tangible assistance can be incredibly reassuring during this transition period.
6. Be patient and understand that their journey is ongoing.
Coming out isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing process. Your friend or family member might have good days and bad days as they adjust to living authentically. Be patient and understanding. Offer consistent support over time, recognising that their needs might change as they become more comfortable with their identity.
7. Avoid making assumptions about their experiences or preferences.
Each person’s coming out journey is unique. Don’t assume you know how they feel or what they want based on stereotypes or other people’s experiences. Instead, ask open-ended questions about their thoughts and feelings. Approaching things this way shows you have respect for their individual experience and helps you understand their specific needs.
8. Celebrate their courage and authenticity.
Coming out later in life takes immense bravery. Celebrate their courage in embracing their true self. This might involve planning a small get-together with supportive friends, writing them a heartfelt letter, or simply expressing your pride in their journey. Your celebration reinforces that their identity is something to be honoured, not hidden.
9. Continue to treat them as you always have.
While it’s important to acknowledge this significant moment in their life, remember that they’re still the same person you’ve always known and loved. Don’t suddenly change how you interact with them or make their sexuality the focus of every conversation. Maintain the same level of friendship and connection you’ve always shared.
10. Stand up for them if you witness discrimination.
Source: Unsplash Be prepared to advocate for your friend or family member if you encounter homophobia or discrimination. This might involve challenging offensive comments, correcting misinformation, or simply showing public support. Your willingness to stand up for them can provide a crucial sense of safety and acceptance.
11. Help them connect with the LGBTQ+ community if they’re interested.
If they express interest, help them find local LGBTQ+ groups or events. This could involve researching meetups, social clubs, or support groups in your area. Having a connection to the community can be incredibly validating and provide them with additional support from people with similar experiences.
12. Be mindful of their relationships with family and friends.
Coming out later in life can sometimes strain existing relationships. Be sensitive to potential family tensions or changes in friendships. Offer emotional support if they’re dealing with difficult reactions from loved ones. Your steady presence can be a comfort during potentially challenging times.
13. Recognise that their past experiences are still valid.
Coming out doesn’t invalidate their past relationships or experiences. Avoid making comments that might suggest their previous life was inauthentic or wasted time. Instead, acknowledge that human sexuality and identity can be fluid and that self-discovery is a lifelong process.
14. Check in regularly, even if they seem to be doing well.
Make a point of regularly checking in with your friend or family member, even if they appear to be adjusting well. A simple text, call, or invitation to meet up can mean a lot. Your ongoing support shows that you’re there for them in the long term, not just during the initial coming out period.
15. Remember that their sexuality doesn’t define their entire identity.
While coming out is significant, it’s important to remember that it’s just one aspect of who they are. Continue to engage with them about their hobbies, work, and other interests. You want to help normalise their experience and reinforce that you see them as a whole person, not just through the lens of their sexuality.
