In a perfect world, you’d back yourself and your decision-making abilities and wouldn’t need anyone else’s approval.
However, maybe you still feel like you need validation from other people to feel confident that you’re okay and on the right path. This is unhealthy, especially since the only person’s opinion that should really matter is your own, and you’ll never please everyone. So, it’s time for a change – here’s how to start standing on your own two feet and not caring in the slightest what anyone else thinks.
1. Get to know yourself better.
Spend some quality time with yourself. What do you actually like? What are your values? Maybe you’ve been living your life based on what other people expect. Time to dig deep and figure out what makes you tick. Try new hobbies, explore different ideas. The better you know yourself, the less you’ll need anyone else to define you. It’s like becoming your own best friend — minus the awkward small talk.
2. Set your own standards.
Stop measuring yourself against other people’s yardsticks. Create your own definition of success and happiness. Maybe for you, success is having a job you don’t hate and a dog who thinks you’re awesome. That’s cool! Your life, your rules. Write down what matters to you and stick it on your fridge. Remind yourself daily that these are the only standards that count.
3. Practice self-compassion.
Be kinder to yourself. Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? If not, it’s time for a change. When you mess up, don’t beat yourself up. Acknowledge the mistake, learn from it, and move on. Treat yourself like you would a good mate who’s having a rough day. A little self-kindness goes a long way in building your own self-worth.
4. Keep a win journal.
Source: Unsplash Start writing down your daily wins, no matter how small. Adulted today? Win. Didn’t burn your toast? Double win. Over time, you’ll have a record of all the awesome things you do. When you’re feeling down or doubting yourself, flip through it. It’s your personal highlight reel, and it’s way more accurate than your inner critic.
5. Learn to say no.
Saying yes to everything doesn’t make you a good person, it makes you a tired person. It’s okay to turn down invitations or requests that don’t align with your values or goals. Each time you say no to something you don’t want to do, you’re saying yes to yourself. It might feel weird at first, but your future self will thank you.
6. Stop oversharing on social media.
If you’re constantly posting for likes and comments, you’re basically asking the internet for validation. Try a social media detox. Post less, scroll less. Focus on real-life interactions and experiences. You might be surprised how little you miss those virtual thumbs-ups when you’re busy living your actual life.
7. Challenge your inner critic.
That voice in your head that says you’re not good enough? It’s a liar. When you catch yourself having these thoughts, challenge them. Where’s the evidence? Is this thought helpful? Would you say this to a friend? Often, our harshest critic is ourselves. Time to give that inner voice a reality check.
8. Embrace your quirks.
Those little oddities that make you, well, you? They’re not flaws, they’re features. Maybe you snort when you laugh, or you’re weirdly passionate about cheese. Own it! These quirks make you unique and interesting. The right people will appreciate you for them, not in spite of them. Quirky is the new cool, didn’t you hear?
9. Focus on your circle of control.
You can’t control what anyone thinks of you, but you can control your actions and reactions. Put your energy into the things you can influence. Did your best at work? Great. Someone didn’t like it? That’s their problem. Focus on what you can do, not on what other people think you should do. It’s liberating to let go of trying to control other people’s opinions.
10. Practise mindfulness.
Source: Unsplash Get out of your head and into the present moment. Mindfulness can help you stop dwelling on what other people might be thinking. Try meditation, deep breathing, or just fully focusing on what you’re doing right now. The more you’re present, the less you’ll worry about external validation. Plus, it’s hard to care about anyone else’s opinions when you’re fully absorbed in making the perfect sandwich.
11. Celebrate other people’s successes.
Weirdly, being genuinely happy for other people can boost your own self-esteem. It shows you’re secure enough in yourself to not feel threatened by everyone else’s wins. Plus, it creates a positive atmosphere around you. When you lift people up, you often find yourself rising too. It’s not a competition, it’s a community.
12. Do things alone.
Go to a movie solo. Eat at a restaurant by yourself. Travel alone. It might feel awkward at first, but it’s incredibly empowering. You’ll learn that you don’t need other people’s company to enjoy experiences. Plus, you get to choose the movie and eat all the popcorn. Win-win!
13. Trust your gut.
Start listening to your intuition more. Often, we want other people’s opinions because we don’t trust our own judgment. But guess what? You know yourself better than anyone else. Next time you’re torn, try making a decision based on your gut feeling. The more you trust yourself, the less you’ll need anyone else’s approval.
14. Remember, opinions are just… opinions.
At the end of the day, everyone’s got an opinion, and most of them don’t matter. Your colleague thinks your haircut is weird? Your aunt doesn’t approve of your career choice? So what? These are just opinions, not facts. The only opinion about you that truly matters is your own. Everyone else can take a number and wait in line.
