No one wants to admit they’re a bit clingy when they’re in a relationship, but a lot of people are.
There are many reasons for this behaviour, but the bottom line is that attaching yourself to your partner like Velcro will never end well. They’ll not only end up feeling suffocated and resentful, but you’ll end up losing yourself in the relationship and completely unable to cope when things inevitably fall apart. Before things get to that point, here’s how to dial down your clinginess and detach just a little bit. This way, you can enjoy a happier, healthier partnership.
1. Recognise when you’re being a bit too much.
The first step in fixing anything is noticing the issue. If you’re texting them constantly, getting anxious when they’re not immediately available, or needing reassurance all the time, you might be clinging a little tighter than necessary. The trick is to take a mental note when you feel that panic rise up and figure out why. Keeping track of these feelings might sound tedious, but it’ll give you a clearer picture of what’s really going on.
2. Ask yourself why you’re feeling so attached.
There’s always something deeper going on when clinginess takes over. It could be past experiences, self-doubt, or fears creeping in. Digging into why you’re acting this way can help you tackle the root of the issue. Reflect on whether it’s past heartbreak, insecurity, or even just a bad habit you’ve picked up. If you’re struggling to figure it out alone, consider chatting with a therapist to get some perspective.
3. Build up your confidence.
Being super attached often comes from needing validation. If you start feeling better about you, the constant need for reassurance fades. Whether it’s hitting the gym, learning a new skill, or just getting better at that hobby you love, focusing on you will give your confidence a much-needed boost. When you’re solid in your own skin, you won’t need constant attention to feel secure.
4. Invest time in things you love.
Relationships are healthier when both people have their own interests. Whether it’s a hobby or a passion project, having something that’s yours gives you something to focus on and talk about that isn’t your partner. Plus, it makes your time together richer because you’re bringing fresh energy and excitement to the relationship.
5. Lean on your friends and family more.
Your partner doesn’t need to be your entire world. It’s important to maintain a strong support system outside of your relationship. Make an effort to connect with your friends and family, or maybe join a group with people who share your interests. When you have other people to turn to for emotional support, it takes some of the pressure off your relationship.
6. Practise mindfulness when you start feeling clingy.
Source: Unsplash When that needy feeling starts creeping in, take a second to breathe. Mindfulness can really help manage those anxious thoughts and urges to cling tighter. Whether it’s taking a walk, doing some deep breathing, or even just telling yourself, I’ve got this, little moments of calm can help keep you grounded.
7. Set boundaries (and respect theirs).
Boundaries are a good thing! They keep relationships healthy and prevent burnout on both sides. Respect your partner’s need for alone time or space, and don’t feel bad about needing some for yourself. Clear communication around these boundaries helps make sure you’re both on the same page and happy.
8. Question those clingy thoughts.
If you catch yourself spiralling into clingy behaviour, ask yourself if what you’re worrying about is actually true or just a reaction. Are you jumping to conclusions, assuming they’re pulling away when they’re just busy? Learning to challenge these thoughts can help you see things more rationally.
9. Take baby steps towards independence.
Start small by spending a bit of time apart, and slowly increase that time as you get more comfortable. It might feel a little scary at first, but it’ll build your confidence in being on your own without always relying on your partner. Use the time to focus on yourself, do things that make you happy, and enjoy the personal growth that comes with it.
10. Prioritise your own goals and dreams.
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in your partner that you forget about your own ambitions. Reconnect with what drives you, set personal goals, and start working towards them. This will give you something to focus on and feel proud of that’s separate from your relationship.
11. Be upfront with your partner about what’s going on.
Clinginess often comes from unspoken fears or insecurities. Having an open conversation with your partner about what’s making you feel anxious or needy can be a huge help. Let them know you’re working on it, and ask for their support along the way. They might have no idea how you’ve been feeling, and opening up can strengthen your bond.
12. Learn to enjoy your own company.
Alone time doesn’t have to be lonely. Whether it’s reading a good book, binge-watching your favourite series, or pampering yourself with some self-care, learning to enjoy time on your own can do wonders for your independence. The more you like hanging out with yourself, the less you’ll feel the need to cling to someone else.
13. Trust your partner and let go of control.
Clinginess often stems from wanting to control things out of fear that the relationship might fall apart. Trust is a major key here. Trust that your partner loves you, and remember that you can’t control everything. Focus on the things you can control—like your reactions, your behaviour, and how you show up in the relationship.
14. Celebrate their independence, too.
Instead of feeling insecure when your partner wants some alone time or to do their own thing, celebrate it! Encouraging their independence shows that you trust them and helps you grow closer as a couple. And when they come back, they’ll have exciting things to share with you, too.
15. Make the time you spend together count.
Source: Unsplash It’s not always about how much time you’re spending together, but how meaningful that time is. Instead of focusing on constantly being around each other, focus on making your time together fun, engaging, and memorable. Planning activities you both enjoy and can bond over can bring you closer without overdoing it.
16. Be patient with yourself as you learn.
Learning to let go of clinginess isn’t going to happen overnight, so be patient with yourself. Celebrate the little wins along the way, and don’t beat yourself up if you slip back into old habits sometimes. Remember, it’s all part of the process, and every step you take is a move towards a healthier, more balanced relationship.
