Ever caught yourself saying you’re sorry when there was nothing to be sorry for?
Maybe you apologise for speaking up, asking for help, or just existing in a space, but that’s no good. If you’ve been conditioned to feel like you’re “too much” or that your presence is an inconvenience, it’s time to unlearn that. You deserve to take up space — physically, emotionally, and verbally — without feeling guilty about that. Here are some ways to do exactly that.
1. Recognise when you’re apologising unnecessarily.
The first step is to start noticing how often you say sorry when you don’t actually need to. Maybe it’s when you ask a question, when someone bumps into you, or when you express an opinion. If “sorry” is your go-to response, it’s worth paying attention to. Not every situation requires an apology. You’re allowed to take up space without feeling guilty. Start catching yourself in the act, and ask: “Am I actually sorry for something I did wrong, or am I just apologising for existing?”
2. Swap out “sorry” for stronger language.
If apologising is second nature, try replacing “sorry” with more confident phrases. Instead of saying, “Sorry for bothering you,” try something like, “Thanks for your time.” Instead of “Sorry, can I ask a question?” say, “I have a question.” It might feel awkward at first, but over time, it helps reframe how you see yourself. You don’t need to soften your presence with an apology. You’re allowed to take part in conversations, ask for help, and assert yourself without guilt.
3. Remind yourself that you have a right to be heard.
Many people who over-apologise grew up feeling like their needs weren’t as important as everyone else’s. But here’s the truth: You have just as much right to be heard, seen, and acknowledged as anyone else. Your voice, ideas, and presence are valuable. You don’t need permission to exist loudly, and you certainly don’t need to apologise for taking part in a conversation or holding your ground.
4. Stop making yourself physically smaller.
It’s not just about words — many people who over-apologise also shrink themselves physically, too. Crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or taking up as little space as possible can be signs that you feel like you don’t “deserve” to be there. Instead, own your space. Stand tall, uncross your arms, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you belong. Confidence isn’t about being loud; it’s about not making yourself smaller to accommodate other people. It might feel awkward at first, but the more you practise this, the more ingrained it’ll become.
5. Let go of the fear of being “too much.”
Many people, especially women, are taught to be accommodating, agreeable, and “easy to be around.” But existing in a way that’s authentic to you isn’t being “too much” — it’s just being yourself. You’re allowed to take up emotional, verbal, and physical space. The right people will appreciate that, not try to shrink you. The ones who do make you feel like you’re “too much”? That’s their issue, not yours.
6. Understand the difference between politeness and over-apologising.
Being polite is great; apologising constantly for no reason, not so much. There’s a big difference between basic kindness (“Excuse me, can I get past?”) and unnecessary guilt (“Sorry, I just need to get through”). Politeness doesn’t mean making yourself smaller. You can be respectful without undermining yourself. The two are not the same, and learning to separate them is a game-changer.
7. Take up emotional space, too.
It’s more than just physical presence — many people apologise for their emotions, too. If you feel guilty for expressing sadness, frustration, or even excitement, it’s a sign you’ve been conditioned to believe your feelings are inconvenient. Your feelings are valid. You don’t need to apologise for feeling things deeply, having opinions, or setting boundaries. Taking up space means allowing yourself to feel without shame.
8. Set boundaries without feeling guilty.
Do you ever say sorry for cancelling plans, asking for personal space, or saying no? Boundaries aren’t something to apologise for — they’re something to enforce. Instead of “Sorry, I can’t make it,” try “I won’t be able to make it this time, but let’s plan for another day.” Instead of “Sorry, I need some time alone,” go with something like “I need a bit of time for myself right now.” Your needs aren’t a burden.
9. Practise saying no without over-explaining.
If you struggle with people-pleasing, you might feel like you owe a detailed explanation every time you say no. But here’s the thing: “no” is a complete sentence. Instead of apologising for not doing something, just say, “I can’t do that right now.” That’s it — it’s that simple. You don’t need to justify or over-explain. People who respect you won’t need a long-winded excuse.
10. Remember that confidence isn’t arrogance.
Many people over-apologise because they’re afraid of being seen as arrogant. But confidence isn’t the same thing as being rude; it’s about self-respect. You can be assertive and kind at the same time. Standing your ground doesn’t mean you’re selfish. Speaking up doesn’t mean you’re aggressive. Owning your space doesn’t mean you’re full of yourself. It just means you respect yourself enough to take up the space you deserve.
11. Surround yourself with people who don’t make you feel small.
If you’re constantly apologising for your presence, ask yourself: “Who am I spending time with?” The right people won’t make you feel like you’re taking up too much space; they’ll encourage you to take up even more. Sometimes, over-apologising isn’t just a personal habit; it’s a reaction to being around people who subtly (or not so subtly) make you feel like you’re too much. If that’s the case, it might be time to rethink those relationships.
12. Stop apologising for things out of your control.
Do you find yourself apologising when it rains? When someone else is in a bad mood? When the waiter brings the wrong order? Not everything is your responsibility. If something isn’t your fault, don’t take the blame for it. Instead of saying “Sorry about the weather,” which literally has nothing to do with you, try “Looks like we got some rain today!” Instead of “Sorry for taking up your time,” try “Thanks for your time!” Small changes like this help break the cycle of unnecessary guilt.
13. Give yourself permission to take up space.
If you’ve spent years apologising for yourself, it won’t change overnight. But you can start giving yourself permission to exist fully, without guilt. You don’t need to constantly shrink yourself, be agreeable at all costs, or stay quiet to make others comfortable. Your presence is just as important as anyone else’s. Give yourself the same respect you’d give a friend.
14. Remember that you deserve to be here.
At the core of it all, stopping the habit of over-apologising comes down to one belief: You are allowed to take up space. You deserve to speak, to set boundaries, to exist fully without feeling like an inconvenience. Once you start living like that’s true, everything changes. You don’t need permission to exist. You never did.
