We all like to think of ourselves as good people, but a lot of us have toxic traits we don’t even realise (or won’t readily admit to).
That doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person or that there’s no hope for you, but it does mean you likely have room for improvement — and hey, don’t we all? The good news is that self-awareness is the first step to change, and once you recognise your more problematic qualities, you can work on fixing them. If you recognise any of these toxic habits in yourself, here are some tips for dropping them and picking up better ones.
1. You can’t stop yourself from interrupting people all the time.
If you regularly cut people off mid-sentence or jump in before they’ve finished talking, it’s likely a sign that you’re valuing your own voice a little too much. Instead of cutting someone off, try practising a bit of good old-fashioned active listening. Let them finish their thought, and then take a few deep breaths before responding. One simple trick is to count to three silently after they stop talking. It gives you a moment to stay mindful and let the other person have their space to speak.
2. You often accuse people of “overreacting” instead of acknowledging their feelings.
We’re not always going to understand other people’s emotional responses to things, especially in situations we think are no big deal. That being said, dismissing someone’s emotions can make them feel invalidated, and that’s not helpful. If you catch yourself saying things like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” try stopping and reframing it. A simple, “I see this is upsetting for you—how can I help?” can go a long way. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with them; it means acknowledging their feelings and showing you care.
3. You give monologues rather than engaging in actual conversation.
It’s easy to get caught up in talking about your own experiences and opinions, but if you’re constantly talking without giving other people the chance to share, it can come off as self-centred. Try to balance the conversation by asking open-ended questions and showing genuine interest in the other person’s life. A little curiosity goes a long way, and when you give people the space to share, it builds stronger, more meaningful connections.
4. You find it hard to admit when you’re wrong.
Admitting when you’re wrong can be tough, especially if you’ve always prided yourself on being right. However, avoiding accountability is a classic toxic trait, not to mention an incredibly immature one. Being wrong doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. Practise saying, “I was wrong,” or “I didn’t think of it that way,” when needed. It’s a simple change, but it shows maturity, helps you grow, and builds trust with those around you.
5. Gossiping about people is your favourite and most practised pastime.
If you find yourself talking behind people’s backs or sharing negative stories about them, it’s time to hit pause. Gossip may seem harmless, but it can damage relationships and trust. Plus, it makes you look petty and untrustworthy. Instead of gossiping, try to focus on more positive conversations or change the subject to something uplifting. Doing so helps create a better atmosphere and shows that you respect other people’s privacy.
6. You hold grudges for dear life.
Holding onto resentment doesn’t just hurt other people; it hurts you too. If you’ve got a list of grudges longer than your arm, it might be time to consider letting go. Try journaling about how you feel or talking it through with a close friend. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean giving the green light to their bad behaviour; it’s about freeing yourself from negativity and being able to move forward. Holding onto pain only keeps you stuck in the past.
7. You always have to be “right” in arguments.
Wanting to win an argument so badly that you shut down anyone who disagrees is not a good look, and focusing on winning instead of understanding can make you dismissive of other people’s perspectives. Instead of “winning” the argument, shift your mindset to “understanding.” Use phrases like, “I see your point” or “Let’s agree to disagree.” It shows respect for the other person’s view while keeping things productive.
8. You use passive-aggressive behaviour to make a point.
Being passive-aggressive, like giving the silent treatment or making snide remarks, only makes things worse. It creates tension and doesn’t solve anything. Instead, try expressing your feelings directly but kindly. Use “I” statements to communicate how you feel, like “I feel hurt when…” so you’re not making the situation worse, but you’re still being honest. Clear communication is always more effective than being indirect.
9. You can never bring yourself to apologise when you’ve hurt someone.
Apologising can feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the most important steps in repairing relationships. If you find it hard to say sorry, start by acknowledging your mistakes. A sincere “I’m sorry for…” followed by actions to make things right can rebuild trust and show you genuinely care. Apologising doesn’t make you weak — it shows strength and emotional maturity.
10. You focus on everyone else’s flaws instead of your own.
It’s easy to point out what everyone else is doing wrong, but often we overlook our own shortcomings. Instead of focusing on other people’s flaws, try doing a bit of self-reflection. Ask yourself, “How can I improve in this situation?” Focusing on your own growth not only makes you a better person, but it also makes you a better friend, partner, or colleague. The more you work on yourself, the less you’ll feel the need to judge other people.
11. You expect people to read your mind.
Expecting other people to know exactly what you need or feel without saying a word only leads to frustration on both sides. Clear and direct communication is key. Whether you need support, space, or help with something, say it out loud. People aren’t mind-readers, and being upfront about what you need avoids unnecessary confusion and helps other people show up for you in the way you need.
12. You have a hard time being happy when good things happen to other people.
If you’re feeling jealous when someone else achieves something, it could be a sign of insecurity. Instead of comparing yourself, try genuinely congratulating them. Remind yourself that their success doesn’t take away from yours. Celebrate their victories, and remember that your own journey is yours to embrace, too. Gratitude for what you’ve accomplished goes a long way in changing your perspective.
13. You react badly to constructive criticism (and that’s putting it lightly).
No one likes being criticised, but constructive feedback is an opportunity to learn and grow. If you tend to get defensive when someone gives you feedback, take a step back and consider why. Remind yourself that feedback is meant to help, not hurt. Listen with an open mind, thank the person for their input, and focus on how you can use it to improve. It’s all about growth, not taking things personally.
14. You go out of your way to avoid conflict, even the necessary kind.
It’s tempting to skip out on awkward or tough conversations, but avoiding conflict can lead to unresolved issues and resentment. Try addressing problems calmly and directly, without letting emotions take over. Focus on the issue, not the person, and aim for solutions rather than just airing grievances. Healthy conflict resolution can strengthen relationships, and addressing problems head-on prevents them from building up into something bigger.
15. You get jealous when other people are in the spotlight.
Constantly needing to be the centre of attention can alienate those around you. Practise stepping back and letting other people have their moment to change, whether it’s letting a colleague present an idea or applauding a friend’s success. Celebrating other people and letting them have their moment creates respect, strengthens connections, and makes everyone feel valued.
