Deciding to cut ties with a toxic person is a brave step towards reclaiming your peace, but it’s far from easy.
Sometimes, toxic people struggle to accept the boundaries you’ve set, and they won’t let you go without a fight. As a result, they start acting in ways that are even more unpredictable and hurtful, which is why it’s so important to protect yourself. Here’s how to ensure your own safety and mental health after cutting the cord with someone like this.
1. Limit all forms of contact.
Source: Unsplash This might seem obvious, but it’s really important to limit every possible form of communication with the toxic person. This includes phone calls, texts, emails, and social media. Deleting and even blocking their ability to contact you sends a clear message that you’re not open to interacting with them anymore.
2. Block them on social media.
Source: Unsplash As mentioned above, if you’re connected on social media, block or unfollow them. This means they can’t see your updates, comment on your posts, or send you direct messages. They also get no insight into what you’re doing in your daily life, which can be important for your personal safety as well.
3. Avoid places where you might run into them.
If you know their regular coffee shop or brunch spot, try to avoid those areas for a while. This minimises the chances of awkward encounters and potential drama. It’s disappointing to have to give up places you legitimately love, as well, but if it saves you more traumatic experiences with a toxic person, it’s well worth it.
4. Let your mutual friends and family know what’s going on.
Let your close friends and family know that you’ve cut ties with this person and that you’d prefer not to discuss them or hear any updates about their life. This helps create a protective buffer and prevents them from inadvertently becoming messengers or intermediaries. You may also need to consider whether you can continue having someone in your life who’s also in theirs. If you worry that you can’t trust the person or that they may be reporting things back to the person you’ve cut off, they’ll have to go as well.
5. Don’t get into any arguments or debates, no matter how tempting.
If the toxic person tries to contact you or provoke a reaction, resist the urge to respond. Don’t reply to their messages, calls, or attempts to bait you into an argument. Refuse to play their game – you’re not giving them the attention or satisfaction they crave, which keeps your peace firmly cemented.
6. Document any harassment or threats.
If the toxic person’s behaviour escalates to harassment or threats, document everything. Keep records of their messages, calls, or any attempts to intimidate or hurt you. This evidence can be useful if you need to take further action or involve authorities. Hopefully, it won’t come to that, but if it does, you’ll want to be prepared.
7. Get love and support from people you trust.
Source: Brooke Cagle/Unsplash Lean on your friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support when you’re struggling. Talking about your experiences and feelings can help you process them and feel less alone. They can also help give you tools (in the case of a counsellor) and distractions (friends and family) to get you back to your old self in no time.
8. Focus on looking after yourself.
Put yourself first by doing things that evoke feelings of happiness and relaxation. Exercise, meditate, spend time in nature, or pursue hobbies that make you happy. Taking care of yourself will help you stay strong and centred even when everything around you feels crazy. You’re stronger than you realise and give yourself credit for.
9. Set firm boundaries with mutual acquaintances.
If you share mutual friends or acquaintances with the toxic person, make it clear that you don’t want to hear about them or be put in situations where you might come across them. It’s your right to protect your peace and avoid unnecessary triggers. Be assertive and don’t be afraid to reiterate your boundaries if needed. And, as I stated earlier, don’t hesitate to cut these people off, as well, if they won’t respect your wishes.
10. Change your routines and habits.
If the toxic person was a part of your daily routine, you should switch things up. Try a new coffee shop, explore a different walking route, or find new things to do in your spare time. This helps create a fresh start and reduces the chances of accidentally backsliding or even running into them. It also gives you a sense of renewal and control over your environment.
11. Focus on the positive aspects of your life.
Shift your focus towards the amazing parts of your life, and I’m sure there are many. Celebrate your accomplishments, nurture your relationships with supportive people, and pursue your passions. This helps you create a fulfilling life that’s independent of the toxic person’s influence.
12. Don’t blame yourself.
It’s common to feel guilty or question your own role in the breakdown of a relationship with a toxic person. However, their behaviour is their responsibility, not yours. Don’t fall into the trap of self-blame or second-guessing your decision to cut ties. Refuse to take responsibility for someone else’s mess – you didn’t create it, and you’re not obligated to clean it up.
13. Be prepared for them to try to hoover you back in.
Toxic people often try to re-establish contact, especially if they sense that you’re moving on and thriving without them. They might use guilt trips, apologies, or even grand gestures to try to win you back. Stay strong and don’t fall for their manipulations. They’re not good for you in the long run.
14. Trust your instincts.
If something feels off or uncomfortable, trust your gut. You know yourself best, and you have the right to protect yourself. Don’t second-guess your instincts or let anyone convince you otherwise. Pay attention to the warning signals and take action to keep yourself safe.
15. Celebrate your newfound freedom.
Cutting ties with a toxic person can be liberating. Embrace the peace and positivity that comes with removing their negativity from your life. Celebrate your strength and resilience, and focus on building a future filled with healthy relationships and joyful experiences. Take a deep breath and enjoy the newfound clarity and space.
16. Remember that things really will get better with time.
The pain and confusion might not disappear overnight, but time has a way of healing wounds. Focus on your own growth and happiness, and trust that with time, the sting of the past will fade. It’s hard to see that now, but I promise, it’ll happen.
