If you have feelings for someone, you should probably speak up and tell them (assuming they’re single, that is).
Of course, making the first move when you’re naturally shy, or you’re a bit rusty, is a whole lot easier said than done. You don’t want to seem weird or desperate, nor do you want to come on too strong. However, you want to let the person know that you’re into them and see if there might be something there. If you’re not sure how to get started, here are a few tips that might help you out.
1. Start with small, low-pressure interactions.
Begin by practising simple conversations with people you’re interested in. It could be a brief “hello” or a smile as you pass by. These small gestures help build your confidence gradually and make bigger moves feel less intimidating. Remember, you’re not asking them out yet — you’re just getting comfortable with basic communication.
2. Use your environment to your advantage.
Look for natural conversation starters in your surroundings. If you’re at a coffee shop, you could comment on the music playing. In a bookshop, ask about a book they’re browsing. These situational topics feel less forced and give you an easy way to break the ice without feeling like you’re putting yourself out there too much.
3. Prepare a few conversation topics beforehand.
Having a mental list of potential topics can ease your anxiety about running out of things to say. Think about current events, popular films, or shared interests if you know any. Just don’t script the entire conversation — keep it natural. A bit of preparation can give you a confidence boost and help you feel more in control of the interaction.
4. Practise with friends or in front of a mirror.
Rehearsing what you might say can help reduce your nervousness. Ask a trusted friend to role-play scenarios with you, or practise in front of a mirror. Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. It’s a silly exercise, but one that can help you feel more prepared and less likely to freeze up when the real moment comes.
5. Focus on asking questions and being interested in the answers.
Source: Unsplash People generally enjoy talking about themselves. By asking thoughtful questions and showing real interest in their responses, you take some pressure off yourself to carry the conversation. It also helps you learn more about the person and find common ground. Just be sure to listen actively and follow up on their answers.
6. Use technology to break the ice.
If face-to-face interaction feels too daunting, consider using text messages or social media to make initial contact. This gives you time to think about your responses and can feel less intimidating. You could comment on their post or send a friendly message. Just remember to eventually move the conversation to real-life interactions.
7. Set realistic expectations for yourself.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have a perfect interaction. Your goal is simply to make contact and show interest, not to immediately form a deep connection. Remind yourself that it’s okay if things feel a bit awkward — that’s normal, especially when you’re shy. Focus on the fact that you’re stepping out of your comfort zone, which is an achievement in itself.
8. Choose the right moment to approach.
Timing can make a big difference. Try to approach when the person doesn’t seem busy or stressed. If they’re alone or in a relaxed setting, they’re more likely to be open to conversation. Also, consider your own state of mind — choose a moment when you’re feeling relatively calm and positive. It just might help you project more confidence.
9. Remember that confidence can be faked.
Even if you don’t feel confident, you can act as if you are. Stand up straight, make eye contact, and speak clearly. Having a “fake it ’til you make it” approach can actually help you feel more confident over time. Plus, the person you’re interacting with won’t know how nervous you feel inside if you present a confident exterior.
10. Use humour to lighten the mood.
Source: Unsplash A bit of light-hearted humour can help ease tension and make the interaction more enjoyable for both parties. You don’t need to be a comedian — even a gentle, self-deprecating joke about your own shyness can work wonders. It shows that you’re self-aware and can help the other person feel more at ease with you.
11. Give yourself an exit strategy.
Source: Unsplash Knowing you have a way out can make you feel more comfortable initiating contact. For example, you could approach someone while you’re waiting for a friend to arrive. It gives you a natural reason to end the conversation if you start feeling overwhelmed. Having this safety net can make you feel more secure about making the first move.
12. Focus on the other person, not your own nervousness.
When you’re shy, it’s easy to get caught up in your own anxious thoughts. Try to shift your focus to the person you’re interacting with instead. Pay attention to what they’re saying and how they’re responding to you. Outward focus can help distract you from your nerves and lead to a more genuine interaction.
13. Start with a compliment, but keep it genuine.
Source: Unsplash A sincere compliment can be a great way to start a conversation. Notice something specific about the person — perhaps their unique style or a skill they’ve demonstrated. Just ensure your compliment is authentic and not overly personal. This approach shows that you’ve been paying attention and can open the door to further conversation.
14. Use open body language to appear more approachable.
Your body language speaks volumes. Keep your arms uncrossed, maintain a relaxed posture, and try to smile. Displaying open body language makes you seem more friendly and approachable, which can make the other person more receptive to your advances. It also helps you feel more open and confident in yourself.
15. Take deep breaths to calm your nerves.
If you feel your nerves getting the better of you, take a moment to focus on your breathing. Take slow, deep breaths to help calm your racing heart and quiet your mind. It’s a simple technique, for sure, but it’s one that can help you feel more centred and ready to make your move. Remember, it’s okay to take a moment to compose yourself.
16. Celebrate your efforts, regardless of the outcome.
Source: Unsplash Making the first move is a big step when you’re shy. Regardless of how the interaction goes, be proud of yourself for trying. Each attempt helps build your confidence and social skills. Even if things don’t go as planned, you’re learning and growing. Celebrate your courage and use each experience as a stepping stone for future interactions.
