Arguments are normal in relationships — what matters is how you handle them.
It’s okay to disagree and to get angry, but it’s how you express those feelings that matters. It’s important to fight fair and constructively so you don’t blow things out of proportion — and potentially ruin your relationship over nothing! Here’s how to make sure you’re arguing in the healthiest way possible.
1. Stick to the issue at hand.
Source: Unsplash It’s tempting to bring up past issues mid-argument, but that can quickly make things more complicated. Try to focus on what started the discussion. Bringing up old conflicts just muddies the waters. Staying on track shows respect for each other’s concerns. Handling things this way makes it easier to actually solve the issue you’re dealing with right now.
2. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.
Starting sentences with “I feel” or “I think” helps you express your view without sounding like you’re blaming. It makes it less likely your partner will get defensive. Statements like “You always…” can feel like an attack and shut down conversation fast. Framing things as your perspective keeps things less confrontational. It’s a small shift that helps keep things calmer.
3. Take a break if things get too heated.
Sometimes a short break can help cool things down. If you feel overwhelmed, let your partner know you need a few minutes. A pause gives both of you time to regroup and approach things more calmly. It’s not about avoiding the issue, just taking a quick reset. Coming back with a clear head can help keep things from escalating.
4. Listen to understand, not just to respond.
When you’re focused only on what to say next, it’s easy to miss what your partner’s really saying. Try to actually hear their words before jumping in. You don’t have to agree, but understanding their perspective helps move things forward. Responding thoughtfully shows you’re taking their feelings seriously. It’s about hearing each other out rather than just waiting for your turn to talk.
5. Keep other people’s opinions out of it.
Bringing up what family or friends think can make arguments feel more personal than necessary. Outside opinions can make it feel like there’s extra pressure. This conversation is between you and your partner, so keep it that way. It’s less about what anyone else thinks and more about working it out together. Leaving outside voices out helps keep things focused and fair.
6. Avoid low blows.
When things get tense, it can be tempting to say things that hurt. But bringing up insecurities or past mistakes only adds pain. Fair fighting means focusing on the issue, not aiming to hurt. Harsh words leave a mark long after the argument ends. Keeping things respectful makes it easier to talk things out honestly.
7. Watch your tone.
Your tone can set the mood of an argument. Yelling or speaking harshly can make things spiral fast. Even when you’re upset, a calmer tone can help keep the conversation grounded. Staying calm isn’t about hiding feelings; it just prevents things from getting out of hand. Sometimes, tone matters as much as what you’re saying.
8. Acknowledge your part in the issue.
Most conflicts have two sides, so admitting your role can help. Taking responsibility, even a little, shows you’re being fair and mature. You’re not taking all the blame—just recognising your part. Doing so can help ease tension and make it easier to find a solution. Owning your part can make the conversation feel more balanced.
9. Avoid ultimatums.
Ultimatums can feel like control tactics, putting pressure on your partner rather than leaving room for conversation. They often make the other person feel cornered instead of heard. Instead, try focusing on solutions you both feel good about. Keeping options open encourages cooperation instead of resentment. Ultimatums tend to close down conversations quickly.
10. Be mindful of your body language.
Non-verbal cues can say a lot. Crossed arms, eye rolls, or turning away can come across as dismissive. Even when you’re frustrated, keeping an open posture helps your partner feel respected. Simple things like eye contact or nodding show you’re engaged. Paying attention to body language can keep the mood more respectful.
11. Avoid jumping to conclusions.
It’s easy to assume you know what your partner’s thinking, but assumptions can lead to misunderstandings. Instead of guessing, ask them what’s really going on. Jumping to conclusions can make things more complicated than they need to be. Being curious instead of certain clears up a lot. It keeps things open rather than adding unnecessary tension.
12. Keep criticism specific.
If something’s bothering you, focus on a specific behaviour rather than generalising. Saying “You didn’t tell me about the change in plans” is more helpful than “You’re always inconsiderate.” Talking about actions instead of character makes it easier to discuss changes. Specific feedback is less likely to feel like an attack. It keeps the conversation on what can actually improve.
13. Show appreciation, even during tough talks.
It might seem hard, but finding something positive to say can make arguments feel less tense. A small acknowledgment of something good helps balance out the discussion. It’s not about ignoring issues—just keeping things from feeling completely negative. It’s a small effort, but it can make things feel less adversarial. A little kindness can go a long way in a heated moment.
14. Give each other space to talk.
Interrupting can make things feel rushed and more intense. Letting your partner finish shows you’re interested in what they have to say. A bit of basic courtesy can make the conversation feel more balanced. Having space to share helps avoid a back-and-forth argument. It’s easier to reach an understanding when you both feel heard.
15. Don’t expect an instant solution.
Some issues need time to work through, and that’s okay. Trying to wrap things up too fast can make the other person feel dismissed. Giving it time lets both of you think things over. It’s okay to revisit the conversation if needed. Solving problems sometimes takes more than one talk.
16. End on a positive note when possible.
Even if the issue isn’t fully resolved, ending with a kind word or gesture can help. It’s a reminder that you’re still a team, even if you disagree. A small show of care can keep the door open for more conversation later. Ending on good terms, even in a tough moment, makes a difference. It’s a way to show that the relationship matters more than the argument.
