Physical attraction tends to be at the top of most people’s lists when it comes to qualities that are important for dating.
However, sometimes, amazing people come into our lives who don’t quite fit the mould of our usual type. Dating someone you’re not initially attracted to can actually be a good thing, in that it expands your horizons and opens you up to unexpected connections. Here’s how to make the most of it and explore a relationship that could surprise you in the best ways.
1. Focus on their personality.
Looks fade, but a great personality sticks around. When you’re not immediately attracted to someone physically, pay closer attention to their qualities, humour, kindness, and unique personality. Personality is what brings depth to a relationship, so let yourself genuinely enjoy who they are. The right personality can be even more magnetic than you’d expect.
2. Get to know them without pressure.
Take the pressure off yourself and allow the relationship to grow naturally. Sometimes, the need to “feel” attracted right away can create unnecessary stress. Enjoy spending time together without overthinking it. Giving things a chance without any rigid expectations can open up possibilities you hadn’t considered.
3. Focus on emotional connection.
Emotional attraction often grows as you bond with someone. Shared values, meaningful conversations, and mutual support can create a deep connection that makes physical attraction feel less essential. Building emotional intimacy is an incredible foundation for any relationship, and it can shift your perspective in surprising ways.
4. Appreciate their unique qualities.
Sometimes, physical attraction can grow once you start noticing the unique things about someone. Maybe it’s the way they laugh, their thoughtful gestures, or their enthusiasm for their hobbies. The little things that make them unique can spark a different kind of attraction if you’re open to noticing them.
5. Don’t focus on “your type.”
Letting go of the idea of having a “type” can be freeing. Sometimes, sticking too closely to an ideal can limit your chances of finding a meaningful connection. Being open to different types of people allows you to experience relationships in a whole new way. Who knows, you might discover a “new type” you didn’t know you had!
6. Enjoy their company for what it is.
Try to be in the moment and appreciate their company without analysing every detail. Good conversation, shared interests, and mutual respect can be just as fulfilling as physical attraction. When you’re focused on enjoying the time together, you may find yourself appreciating them in unexpected ways.
7. Reflect on what you’re truly looking for.
Sometimes, we realise that qualities like kindness, humour, and reliability are more attractive in the long run than physical traits. Think about what really matters to you in a partner, and whether this person aligns with those deeper qualities. Relationships often grow stronger when they’re based on values rather than just looks.
8. Take it slow and be patient.
Attraction can develop over time, especially when you’re open to it. Rushing into physical or romantic expectations too quickly can cloud things. Instead, take things at a pace that feels comfortable. Letting attraction build gradually can sometimes lead to deeper, more genuine feelings.
9. Give yourself permission to change your mind.
If you go into this with an open heart, don’t be surprised if your feelings shift. Attraction isn’t always instant, and sometimes it sneaks up on you over time. Allow yourself the space to see how things evolve naturally. People can grow more attractive as you get to know them, so stay open to the possibility.
10. Compliment them genuinely.
Even if you’re not head-over-heels for their looks, there are likely other qualities you admire. Complimenting their sense of humour, kindness, or intelligence shows appreciation and helps build a stronger connection. Sincere compliments make the other person feel valued, which deepens your bond and may even grow attraction over time.
11. Stay open-minded about intimacy.
Physical attraction can grow as intimacy builds. Being open-minded about physical closeness may lead to feelings you hadn’t anticipated. Sometimes, the act of getting closer emotionally opens the door to a deeper physical attraction. Take things at your own pace, and see if the connection deepens with time.
12. Focus on shared experiences.
Building memories together can create a strong bond. Whether it’s a fun day out, a shared hobby, or trying something new together, these experiences help you see each other in a new light. Enjoying each other’s company through shared activities often strengthens emotional attraction, which can grow into something more.
13. Reflect on the relationship honestly.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, it’s helpful to take a step back and think about how you feel overall. Are you happier and more at ease around them? Do they make you laugh and bring positivity into your life? Being honest with yourself about how they make you feel can help you see the relationship clearly, without focusing only on physical aspects.
14. Appreciate what they bring out in you.
Source: Unsplash Good partners often bring out the best in each other. Notice how you feel when you’re around them—maybe you’re more relaxed, more confident, or just genuinely happy. If this person makes you feel like your best self, that’s a powerful form of attraction. Sometimes, we’re most attracted to those who let us feel fully ourselves.
15. Remember that attraction isn’t just about looks.
Source: Unsplash Physical attraction is one part of a relationship, but emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections play a huge role, too. Attraction grows in many ways, often beyond what we see on the surface. A partner who fulfils you in deeper ways can become just as attractive, if not more, as time goes on.
16. Trust your instincts.
At the end of the day, trust what feels right for you. If this person makes you feel appreciated, supported, and happy, that’s worth exploring, even if it doesn’t fit the usual “spark” mould. Sometimes, a slower-building connection is exactly what you need to create a strong and lasting relationship. Trust yourself to know what feels right.
