Kicking a toxic person out of your life isn’t always easy, but it’s often necessary for the sake of your mental and even your physical health.
Of course, how you go about it will depend on your relationship with them. It’s easier if it’s a friend or a partner, but what if it’s a family member or a colleague you work with every day? It’s still possible to rid yourself of their negativity and restore your peace, but it’ll take some time and effort. Here are some ways to go about it — you’ll be much happier in the end.
1. Recognise the toxicity.
The first step is acknowledging that the relationship is harmful. Toxic people drain your energy, make you doubt yourself, or consistently disrespect your boundaries. Reflect on how you feel after interacting with them. If you constantly feel anxious, depleted, or demeaned, it’s a sign that the relationship isn’t healthy.
2. Trust your instincts.
Your gut feeling often knows what’s right before your mind catches up. If you feel a sense of dread or discomfort around this person, trust that instinct. It’s easy to second-guess yourself, but your intuition is a valuable guide when deciding if it’s time to cut ties.
3. Define your reasons clearly.
Clarify for yourself why you need to walk away. Whether it’s constant criticism, manipulation, or a lack of respect, having clear reasons helps you stay resolute. Write them down if you need to. This list can remind you why you’re making this choice when doubts creep in.
4. Plan your exit strategy.
Ending a toxic relationship can be emotionally charged, so having a plan helps. Decide how you want to communicate your decision—whether it’s a face-to-face conversation, a phone call, or a written message. Prepare for possible reactions and how you’ll respond to them calmly.
5. Set firm boundaries.
Boundaries are essential when cutting ties. Clearly state what you will and won’t tolerate moving forward. For example, “I need space and won’t be responding to your messages.” Sticking to your boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s necessary for protecting your peace.
6. Communicate your decision calmly.
If you decide to have a conversation, keep it short and direct. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or justifications. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, like, “I feel this relationship isn’t healthy for me, and I need to step back.” Staying calm helps you stay in control of the situation.
7. Limit or cut off contact.
Depending on the nature of the relationship, decide how much contact is appropriate. You might need a clean break, or you might choose limited interaction. Unfollow them on social media, block their number if necessary, and avoid places where you’re likely to bump into them.
8. Prepare for emotional fallout.
Cutting ties, even with someone toxic, can bring up feelings of guilt, sadness, or grief. It’s normal to mourn the loss of what you hoped the relationship could be. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judging yourself. Processing them is part of healing.
9. Talk to people you trust about what’s going on.
Lean on friends, family, or a therapist who understands what you’re going through. Surrounding yourself with supportive people reminds you that you’re not alone. They can offer validation, encouragement, and a safe space to vent or process your feelings.
10. Focus on self-care.
Prioritise activities that help you recharge and feel good about yourself. Whether it’s exercise, journaling, meditation, or hobbies you love, self-care reinforces your decision to protect your mental health. Taking care of yourself helps fill the emotional gaps left by the toxic relationship.
11. Remind yourself you deserve respect.
It’s easy to feel unworthy or question your decision when cutting someone off. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and honesty. Toxic people often make you doubt your worth, but walking away reinforces that you’re worthy of healthy relationships.
12. Resist the urge to re-engage.
Toxic people might try to pull you back in with apologies, guilt trips, or promises to change. Stay firm in your decision. Re-engaging can lead to the same cycle of harm. If you feel tempted to reconnect, revisit your list of reasons why you cut ties in the first place.
13. Don’t expect closure from them.
Closure isn’t always possible with toxic people. They might not admit their faults or understand your reasons. Instead, focus on creating closure for yourself. Accept that you may not get an apology or resolution, and that’s okay. Your peace of mind matters more.
14. Reflect on the lessons learned.
Every relationship, even the toxic ones, teaches you something valuable. Reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself, your boundaries, and what you want in future relationships. These insights can help you build healthier connections moving forward.
15. Give yourself time to heal.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge that it’s a process. You might have good days and bad days, and that’s perfectly normal. Allow yourself to grow, rebuild, and eventually thrive without the weight of toxicity holding you down.
