Life isn’t an episode of “Love Island” (thank God!), and there’s nothing glamorous about being stuck in a love triangle.
Whether you’re in love with someone who’s already taken, or you’re in a relationship but also love someone else, having your heart and mind split in half is never a pleasant experience — and it’s not one you want to be in for very long. In order to be respectful to everyone involved and maintain your sanity, here’s how to get this situation resolved sooner rather than later.
1. Take a step back and assess the situation honestly.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, but try to look at things objectively. Are you really in love with both people, or are you just afraid of making a choice? Being honest with yourself is the first step to sorting out this tangle. No matter what the truth of the situation is, you have to own up to it so you can move forward.
2. Communication is key, even if it’s awkward.
It’s going to be uncomfortable, but you need to talk about what’s going on. Be clear about your feelings and intentions with both people. Keeping everyone in the dark is only going to make things messier in the long run. They don’t have to like or go along with what you say, but they need to know where your head is at.
3. Set some boundaries, for everyone’s sake.
This situation is complicated enough without blurred lines making it worse. Establish clear boundaries with both people involved. It might feel harsh, but it’s kinder in the long run. No one likes being strung along. If you’re the third wheel, of sorts, let the person you’re in love with know that you’re not going to hang around forever or play second fiddle. Then, hold them to it.
4. Don’t let guilt drive your decisions.
Source: Unsplash Feeling guilty is pretty normal in this situation, but don’t let it be the main factor in your choices. Staying with someone out of guilt isn’t fair to anyone involved. It’s okay to prioritise your own feelings and needs. If you don’t love someone, don’t stay with them. They deserve to be happy just as much as you do.
5. Take some time for yourself.
Source: Unsplash When you’re stuck in the middle of a love triangle, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself. Make sure you’re taking some time away from both people to clear your head. A bit of space can give you some perspective and make it easier to make what might be some really hard choices.
6. Don’t play games or try to make anyone jealous.
Source: Unsplash It might be tempting to play one person off against the other, but resist that urge. Playing games will only make the situation more painful for everyone. Remember, these are people’s feelings you’re dealing with, not pawns on a chessboard.
7. Be prepared for the possibility of losing both relationships.
It’s a hard truth, but sometimes in trying to keep everyone, you end up with no one. Be ready for the possibility that you might lose both relationships if you’re the one who loves two people. It’s not a pleasant thought, but it’s better to be prepared than blindsided.
8. Don’t rush into making a decision.
While you shouldn’t drag things out unnecessarily, don’t feel pressured to make a snap decision either. Take the time you need to really think things through. An impulsive choice now could lead to regrets later, so make sure whatever you decide is the right thing for you.
9. Consider the long-term consequences.
It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, but try to think about the future. How will your choice affect your life down the line? Will you be able to maintain friendships? Are there mutual friends who might be affected? Think big picture rather than focusing on what’s happening in the present moment.
10. Be honest about your feelings, even if they’re complicated.
Love isn’t always straightforward. It’s okay if your feelings are messy or confusing. Be honest about that, both with yourself and with the people involved. It’s better than pretending to be more certain than you are.
11. Don’t compare the two people.
It’s natural to find yourself weighing up the pros and cons, but try not to directly compare the two people. They’re human beings, not items on a shopping list. Focus on how you feel with each person rather than trying to score them against each other.
12. Get support from people who have no horse in this race.
This is a lot to deal with on your own. Consider talking to a friend who’s not involved in the situation, or even a therapist. Sometimes an outside perspective can help you see things more clearly. Either way, it should give you some support and perspective when you need it most.
13. Remember that indecision is a decision.
Not making a choice is still a choice. If you find yourself unable to decide, that might be your answer right there. Maybe neither relationship is right for you at this time, and that’s okay. Taking time to sort yourself out is vital, and way more important than being coupled up.
14. Be prepared for judgement, but don’t let it control you.
Love triangles tend to raise eyebrows, so you’re likely to hear lots of opinions about your situation, many of them unfair. People might judge you, but remember that they’re not living your life. Make decisions based on what’s right for you, not what other people think you should do.
15. Give yourself permission to feel all your emotions.
This situation is bound to bring up a whole mix of feelings — love, guilt, excitement, anxiety, you name it. Don’t try to push these feelings away. It’s okay to feel them all. Acknowledging your feelings can help you process them and move forward.
16. Learn from the experience.
Whatever the outcome, try to take something positive from this experience. Maybe you’ve learned more about what you want in a relationship, or about your own capacity for love. Use this as an opportunity for personal growth, even if it’s been a tough journey.
