When you’ve been friends with someone for ages and things start going downhill, it can be confusing, frustrating, and really heartbreaking.
You have the sneaking suspicion that they’re not going to be in your life much longer, and you’re not sure what to do about it (or if you should do anything at all). Whether you’ve had a major falling out or you’ve been gradually drifting apart, here’s how to deal with a friendship that meant the world to you slowly but surely breaking apart.
1. Acknowledge your feelings.
It’s okay to feel hurt, confused, or angry when a friendship seems to be falling apart. Recognise these emotions without judgment. Bottling them up won’t help, and understanding how you feel is the first step towards addressing the situation constructively.
2. Reflect on the friendship.
Take some time to think about your friendship. Has it changed recently? Are there specific incidents that have caused tension? Understanding the root of the problem can help you figure out how to approach it. Consider both your actions and your friend’s to get a balanced perspective.
3. Communicate openly with your friend.
If you haven’t already, try to have an honest conversation with your friend. Express your concerns and feelings without blame. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I’ve been feeling like we’re drifting apart” rather than “You’ve been ignoring me”.
4. Listen to their perspective.
Give your friend a chance to share their thoughts and feelings. They might have a different view of the situation or be going through something you’re unaware of. Practice active listening without interrupting or becoming defensive. Understanding their perspective is crucial for resolving any issues.
5. Be willing to compromise.
Friendships often require give and take. If there are specific issues causing tension, be open to finding middle ground. This might mean adjusting your expectations or changing certain behaviours. Remember, compromise doesn’t mean sacrificing your values or well-being.
6. Give each other space if needed.
Sometimes, a bit of distance can provide clarity. If tensions are high, taking a short break from constant contact might help. Use this time to reflect on the friendship and what you both want from it. Just be sure to communicate this need for space clearly to avoid further misunderstandings.
7. Focus on self-care.
When a friendship is strained, it can take a toll on your mental and emotional health. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with other supportive friends or family, and prioritise your mental health. You’ll be in a better position to handle the situation when you’re taking care of yourself.
8. Ask for some outside advice.
Sometimes it helps to get an outsider’s view. Talk to other friends or family members you trust. They might offer insights you haven’t considered. Just be cautious about sharing too many personal details about your friend, as this could potentially worsen the situation if it gets back to them.
9. Be patient.
Rebuilding a friendship takes time. If you both want to make it work, be patient with the process. It might take several conversations and consistent effort to get back on track. Don’t expect everything to be resolved overnight.
10. Consider professional help.
If the friendship is really important to you, and you’re struggling to resolve issues on your own, consider getting help from a therapist or counsellor. They can provide tools for effective communication and conflict resolution. This doesn’t mean your friendship is beyond repair; it’s a proactive step towards healing.
11. Learn from the experience.
Whether the friendship recovers or not, there’s always something to be learned from these challenging experiences. Reflect on what this situation has taught you about yourself, your needs in friendships, and how you handle conflict. These insights can help you in future relationships.
12. Accept that some friendships do end.
As painful as it is, sometimes friendships run their course. If you’ve made genuine efforts to communicate and resolve issues, but things aren’t improving, it might be time to accept that the friendship may be ending. This doesn’t negate the good times you’ve had or the value of the friendship.
13. Focus on other relationships.
While dealing with a challenging friendship, don’t neglect your other relationships. Spend time with friends and family who are supportive and positive influences in your life. This can provide comfort and remind you of the good relationships you do have.
14. Be kind to yourself.
Dealing with a struggling friendship can be emotionally draining. Remember to be kind to yourself throughout this process. It’s okay to feel upset, and it’s okay if things don’t work out perfectly. You’re doing your best, and that’s what matters.
