Confrontation isn’t easy, especially if you’re the type who’d rather eat a jar of marmite than have an awkward chat.
That being said, sometimes you need to face issues head-on for your own sanity. If the thought of confronting someone makes you want to crawl under a duvet and never come out, don’t worry. Here are some ways to call someone out on something without it being too uncomfortable.
1. Prepare yourself mentally before the conversation.
Take some time to gather your thoughts and calm your nerves. Jot down the main points you want to address so you don’t forget anything important. Being prepared can help you feel more confident and focused when it’s time to talk. Anyway, you’re not going into battle — you’re just having a chat to sort things out.
2. Choose the right time and place for the discussion.
Timing is important when it comes to having tough conversations. Pick a moment when both of you are relatively calm and have some privacy. Don’t bring up sensitive topics when either of you is tired, hungry, or stressed. A neutral location can also help — maybe suggest a quiet café or a park bench where you can talk without interruptions.
3. Use ‘I’ statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory.
Instead of saying “You always do this”, try “I feel frustrated when this happens”. You want to express your feelings without putting the other person on the defensive. It keeps the focus on how you’re affected rather than throwing blame around. The goal is to solve a problem, not start a fight.
4. Practise active listening during the conversation.
While it’s important to express your own thoughts, make sure you’re also truly listening to the other person. Try to understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. Repeat back what you’ve heard to ensure you’ve understood correctly. Doing so shows respect and can help prevent misunderstandings that might escalate the situation.
5. Keep your body language open and non-threatening.
Your words matter, but so does your body language. Try to keep a relaxed posture, maintain appropriate eye contact, and avoid crossing your arms (which can seem defensive). A calm demeanour can help keep the conversation from becoming too heated. If you’re feeling tense, take a deep breath to help yourself relax.
6. Be clear about what you want to achieve from the conversation.
Before diving in, think about what outcome you’re hoping for. Do you want to clear up a misunderstanding? Set a boundary? Find a compromise? Having a clear goal can help guide the conversation and make it more productive. Share this goal with the other person so you’re both on the same page.
7. Stay focused on the current issue at hand.
It’s tempting to bring up past grievances when you’re having a difficult conversation, but try to resist. Stick to the current issue you want to address. Dragging up old problems can derail the discussion and make the other person feel attacked. If there are multiple issues to discuss, consider tackling them one at a time in separate conversations.
8. Be open to finding a compromise or solution together.
Remember, the goal isn’t to ‘win’ the conversation, but to find a way forward that works for both of you. Be open to suggestions and willing to meet halfway if possible. Working through this together can make the conversation feel less confrontational and more like problem-solving together.
9. Take breaks if emotions start running high.
If you feel the conversation is getting too heated or emotional, it’s okay to suggest a short break. Say something like, “I think we both need a moment to calm down. Should we take five minutes and then come back to this?” This can prevent things from escalating and give you both a chance to collect your thoughts.
10. Follow up after the conversation to ensure understanding.
Once you’ve had the discussion, it can be helpful to follow up, either immediately or after a short while. This gives you both a chance to reflect on what was said and to clarify any points that might have been misunderstood. It also shows that you’re committed to maintaining the relationship and working through issues together.
