Your partner is supposed to listen to you, try to understand your perspective, and validate your feelings.
When that doesn’t happen, it’s inevitable that you’ll unheard, unappreciated, and totally disrespected. Instead of shutting down and refusing to communicate any further, here’s how to let your partner know how you’re feeling, set some boundaries on how they speak to you, and ultimately iron out the issue so you can find a bit of harmony in your relationship again. After all, no matter how they feel or how long you’ve been together, you never have to put up with disrespect from your partner, nor should you.
1. Take a minute to calm down.
Reacting in the heat of the moment can escalate tensions, making it harder to express yourself clearly. Emotions like anger or frustration can cloud your message, which then leaves room for misunderstandings. Taking a minute to collect your thoughts allows you to approach the conversation more calmly. When you’re grounded, you can better articulate how you feel without letting emotions take over the discussion. A calm approach also sets the tone for a more productive dialogue where both sides can feel heard.
2. Focus on how you feel, not just what they did.
It’s easy to point fingers when you feel disrespected, but starting with accusations can put your partner on the defensive. Instead, frame the conversation around your feelings and experiences. It’s probably the oldest tip in the communication book, but it works: using “I” statements like, “I felt hurt when…” helps move the focus from blame to understanding. It also makes it easier for your partner to see your perspective without feeling attacked, opens the door for empathy, and encourages a more compassionate exchange.
3. Choose the right time and place.
Trying to have a serious conversation when one of you is stressed, tired, or distracted can make things worse. Timing and environment matter when discussing something as sensitive as respect. Pick a calm moment when both of you can focus. A private and comfortable setting can help create a safe space for honest communication. Choosing an appropriate time shows respect for the importance of the conversation itself.
4. Be specific about what upset you.
Vague complaints like “You never respect me” can leave your partner confused and defensive. Without clarity, it’s hard for them to understand what they’ve done or how to address it. Pointing to specific actions or words helps create a clearer picture. For example, “When you interrupted me during the meeting, I felt dismissed” is more constructive and actionable. Specificity also reduces the risk of misinterpretation, making solutions more attainable.
5. Avoid bringing up unrelated issues.
It can be tempting to pile on other issues you have with them when you’re feeling hurt, but doing so can derail the conversation. Mixing past issues with the current one makes it harder to focus on finding a resolution. Stick to the matter at hand to keep the conversation productive. Resolving one issue at a time shows your partner that you’re more interested in understanding than winning an argument. Having clarity keeps the conversation manageable and respectful.
6. Stay open to their perspective.
Feeling disrespected can make it hard to hear the other side, but listening is essential to healthy communication. They may not even realise their actions came across as hurtful. Give them a chance to explain their perspective. That doesn’t mean excusing the behaviour but creating space for dialogue and mutual understanding. Openness helps uncover intentions and allows both of you to grow from the experience.
7. Avoid using absolutes like “always” and “never.”
Statements like “You always interrupt me” or “You never listen” can feel more like accusations than observations. Absolutes often shut down conversations by making the other person feel unfairly judged. Instead, focus on specific incidents without generalising. Saying, “I felt unheard when you interrupted me yesterday” opens the door to a more balanced discussion. Avoiding absolutes keeps the tone constructive and prevents unnecessary defensiveness.
8. Make your boundaries clear.
If certain behaviours consistently leave you feeling disrespected, it’s important to communicate your boundaries clearly. Your partner can’t address an issue if they don’t understand where the line is. Explain what’s not acceptable and why it matters to you. Setting boundaries isn’t about control; it’s about ensuring mutual respect and understanding in your relationship. Clear communication of boundaries shows self-respect and encourages healthier dynamics.
9. Don’t just focus on the problems — try to find ways to fix them.
Simply venting about feeling disrespected can leave the conversation feeling unresolved. Shifting the focus toward solutions helps both of you find ways to move forward. Ask questions like, “How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?” or “What can we both do differently?” Working together encourages growth and strengthens your bond. When your discussions focus on fixing the issue, you’re more likely to come to a solid solution that suits both of you.
10. If they’re legitimately trying to change, acknowledge it.
When your partner makes an effort to address your concerns, it’s important to acknowledge it. Feeling appreciated for their growth encourages them to continue working on the relationship. A simple “Thank you for listening” or “I noticed you’ve been more mindful lately” can go a long way in reinforcing positive changes and building mutual respect. Appreciation strengthens motivation for continued growth.
11. Don’t assume they’re doing it on purpose.
Jumping to conclusions about your partner’s motives can escalate the conflict. They might have acted thoughtlessly rather than deliberately trying to hurt you. Approach the situation with curiosity instead of blame. Asking questions like, “What were you trying to say earlier?” shows you’re open to understanding their side without jumping to the worst-case scenario. Plus, it creates a space for dialogue rather than defensiveness.
12. Don’t be afraid to take breaks.
If the conversation starts getting heated or unproductive, stepping away temporarily can help. Continuing to talk when emotions are high often leads to saying things you don’t mean. Taking a short break allows both of you to cool down and return to the discussion with a clearer mindset. It’s not avoidance; it’s a way to protect the conversation from spiralling. Coming back to things when you’re feeling a bit less het up or more patient often leads to better outcomes.
13. Try to do more active listening.
When emotions run high, it’s easy to focus on what you want to say next instead of really hearing your partner. Active listening helps you understand their perspective and shows that you care about resolving the issue. Paraphrase what they’ve said or ask follow-up questions to clarify. It keeps the conversation grounded in mutual respect and prevents misunderstandings from escalating further. Active listening creates a deeper connection through mutual effort.
14. Reflect on your own behaviour sometimes.
It’s natural to focus on how you feel hurt, but taking a step back to consider your own behaviour is equally important. Are there ways you might have unintentionally contributed to the dynamic? Self-reflection helps you approach the conversation with humility. It also sets the tone for a two-way dialogue, where both of you can work toward understanding and growth. Owning your part creates a balanced platform for change.
15. Don’t be averse to the idea of couples therapy or marriage counselling.
If repeated conversations don’t resolve the issue, getting help from a therapist or counsellor can be a game-changer. An outside perspective can provide tools to improve communication and address deeper patterns. Sometimes, having a neutral party involved makes it easier to discuss sensitive topics without things becoming personal. Therapy isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a commitment to making the relationship stronger. Professional support adds structure to the healing process.
