You’re worried about a friend, a colleague, or even a family member, and you want to see how they’re doing, but you don’t want to freak them out.
It’s hard to know how to express your concern for someone without coming off as overbearing or intrusive. And hey, maybe they’re totally fine, and you’re overreacting, which would then make you come off like some kind of weirdo. Here’s how to check in on someone without it being awkward (which it really shouldn’t be).
1. Send a casual text message to break the ice.
Source: Unsplash A simple “Hey, how’s it going?” can work wonders. It’s low-pressure and gives the person an opportunity to respond when they’re ready. If they’re not in the mood to chat, they can easily reply later without feeling guilty. It’s especially useful for people you haven’t spoken to in a while, as it doesn’t demand an immediate or lengthy response.
2. Share something that reminded you of them.
Spotted a funny meme that aligns with their sense of humour? Or perhaps you came across an article about their favourite band? Sending these along with a quick “Saw this and thought of you” is a great way to show you’re thinking of them without putting them on the spot. It’s a natural conversation starter that doesn’t feel forced or intrusive.
3. Ask about a specific event or project they mentioned before.
If you know they had an important presentation or were planning a weekend trip, follow up on it. Something like “How did your presentation go?” or “Did you enjoy your camping trip?” shows that you remember and care about what’s happening in their life. It gives them a concrete topic to discuss if they want to open up.
4. Offer help with a task or errand without being pushy.
If you know they’ve been stressed or busy, you could say, “I’m heading to the shops later. Need anything picked up?” It’s simple, but it can be a relief for someone who’s overwhelmed. Just be sure to respect their decision if they turn you down — the offer itself shows you care.
5. Use shared interests as a conversation starter.
Did you both enjoy the same TV series? Or perhaps you share a hobby? Bringing up a common interest can be a natural way to check in. You might say, “Have you seen the latest episode of that show we both like?” It’s an easy, pressure-free way to start a conversation and potentially lead into deeper topics.
6. Be upfront about your intentions to check in.
Sometimes, honesty is the best policy. You could say, “Hey, I realised we haven’t chatted in a while and I wanted to see how you’re doing.” Being so direct shows you genuinely care and aren’t just making small talk. It also gives them the opportunity to open up if they want to.
7. Suggest a low-key activity to do together.
Inviting them to join you for a walk or a quick coffee can be a great way to check in without making it feel like an interrogation. The casual setting and shared activity can make conversation flow more naturally. Plus, it gives them the option to decline if they’re not up for socialising.
8. Use social media interactions thoughtfully.
Source: Unsplash Liking or commenting on their social media posts can be a subtle way of showing you’re thinking of them. However, be careful not to overdo it — constant interactions might come across as clingy. An occasional genuine comment or reaction can open the door for further conversation if they’re interested.
9. Share something about your own life first.
Source: Unsplash Opening up about your own experiences can make the other person feel more comfortable sharing theirs. You might say, “I’ve been having a tough week at work. How have things been on your end?” You’re showing vulnerability and inviting them to share too, without putting pressure on them.
10. Be mindful of timing and frequency.
Source: Unsplash Pay attention to when and how often you’re reaching out. Late-night messages or constant check-ins can feel overwhelming. Try to gauge their typical response times and adjust accordingly. If they usually take a while to reply, give them space before reaching out again.
11. Respect their boundaries if they seem unresponsive.
Source: Unsplash If someone consistently gives short replies or takes a long time to respond, they might need some space. It’s important to respect these indirect signals. You could say, “I’m here if you ever want to chat, but no pressure if you need some time to yourself.” This shows you care while acknowledging their boundaries.
12. Use voice messages for a more personal touch.
Sometimes, hearing a friendly voice can be more comforting than reading a text. Sending a brief voice message like, “Hey, just wanted to say hi and see how you’re doing!” can feel more personal and warm. It’s especially useful if you’re checking in on someone who might be feeling lonely or isolated.
13. Make it a regular, low-key habit.
Source: Unsplash Instead of sporadic, intense check-ins, try to make it a natural part of your routine. A quick message every couple of weeks or so can feel more genuine and less intrusive than suddenly reaching out after months of silence. A consistent, gentle approach shows ongoing care without being overbearing.
14. Follow their lead on how much to share.
Source: Unsplash Pay attention to how much detail they’re offering in their responses. If they’re giving short, surface-level replies, don’t push for more information. On the other hand, if they’re opening up, show you’re listening and interested. Matching their level of openness helps ensure you’re not overstepping or seeming disinterested.
