How To Breakup With Someone Via Voice Memo

Admittedly, breaking up with someone in any other way than a face-to-face conversation is pretty cruel, but sometimes needs must.

If you fear for your safety or the relationship has deteriorated so badly that you really don’t feel comfortable having a real-time, in-person conversation, you might consider ending things via a voice memo. However, you still need to use this method carefully. Here’s how to break things off via voice note as painlessly as possible.

1. Choose a quiet place to record.

Find a spot where you won’t be interrupted or have background noise. You want your ex to hear you clearly without distractions, rather than having tons of banging and clanging during this (potentially) emotional chat. Your car or a secluded corner of a park can work well if you don’t have privacy at home.

2. Plan what you’re going to say.

Jot down some key points beforehand. You don’t need a script, but having a general idea will help you stay on track and not ramble. Going in prepared can also help calm your nerves and ensure you don’t forget important points.

3. Keep it brief.

Don’t drag it out — aim for a couple of minutes max. Say what needs to be said without going into unnecessary details or rehashing old arguments. Remember, this isn’t the time for a lengthy explanation of every issue in your relationship. You just want to end things quickly, like ripping off a plaster.

4. Start with a clear statement.

Get to the point quickly. Something like, “Hey [Name], I’ve been thinking a lot, and I need to tell you that our relationship isn’t working for me anymore.” Being so direct, while potentially painful, is kinder than beating around the bush. Even if they won’t admit it, your soon-to-be ex will appreciate the bluntness.

5. Be honest but kind.

Explain your reasons without being cruel. Avoid blame and focus on your feelings and needs. For example, “I don’t feel we’re compatible in the long run” is better than “You’re not good enough for me.” Strive for a balance between honesty and compassion.

6. Acknowledge the good times.

You can always take a minute to mention some positive aspects of your relationship — it can’t all have been bad, or you wouldn’t still be together. It shows you’re not dismissing everything you had, which can help soften the blow and leave them with some positive memories.

7. Be firm about your decision.

Make it clear this isn’t up for debate, and you’re sure about what you’re saying. Avoid saying things like “maybe” or “I’m not sure” if you’re certain about breaking up. Ambiguity will only prolong the pain and potentially give false hope.

8. Deal with the practical stuff if there’s anything that needs to be sorted.

If you need to discuss returning belongings or other logistical issues, mention it briefly. You can sort out details later. Keeping these things straightforward can help maintain boundaries and prevent unnecessary emotional meltdowns.

9. Wish them well.

End on a positive note rather than a negative one. Saying something like, “I truly wish the best for you” can give them a sense of closure. Plus, it’s a gesture shows maturity and can help both of you move forward. Just make sure you don’t say this sarcastically or through gritted teeth — they’ll be able to tell!

10. Consider the timing.

Send the voice memo when you know they’ll have time to process it. For example, make sure you don’t send it right before they have to go to work or an important event. Weekends or evenings are often better times for bad news like this (not that there’s ever a good time).

11. Be prepared for a response.

They might call or text you after listening, so decide in advance how you’ll handle this and stick to your decision. It’s okay to set boundaries about how and when you’ll communicate after the breakup.

12. Don’t drunk record.

This should go without saying, but don’t record your breakup memo when you’re not sober. You might say things you’ll regret. Emotions are already high during a breakup, and alcohol will only complicate the situation even more.

13. Avoid clichés.

Skip the “It’s not you, it’s me” lines — be genuine in your words and reasons. Your ex deserves authentic communication, even if it’s harder to express.

14. Don’t leave the breakup up for debate.

If you’re sure about ending things, don’t suggest staying friends or keeping in touch if you don’t mean it. False hope can lead to prolonged pain and confusion for both of you, and neither of you deserve that.

15. Re-listen before sending.

Play back your message before sending it. Make sure you’ve said everything you need to and that your tone is appropriate. If it’s not, re-record. This step can help you catch any unintended harshness or unclear statements.

16. Follow up with a text.

After sending the voice memo, send a brief text letting them know you’ve sent an important voice message. This way, you make sure they won’t miss it and that they listen to it in an inappropriate setting. It also gives them a heads-up to prepare themselves emotionally before listening.

17. Remember, it’s not ideal.

Breaking up via voice memo isn’t the most personal method. Again, if possible, having this conversation face-to-face is usually better. But if circumstances make that impossible, a voice memo is better than a text or email. It at least allows your ex to hear the sincerity and emotion in your voice.