Raising kids takes so much energy, time, and focus that it’s easy to let your relationship slip into the background before you even realise what’s happening.
The love is still there, but the connection can fade under the weight of responsibilities and routines. You’re not doing anything wrong; you’re just stretched thin. Of course, keeping your relationship alive while parenting isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about small, consistent moments that help you stay close while life stays busy. Here are some solid ways to keep the connection strong, even in the thick of family life.
1. Talk about more than the kids.
When you’re in parenting mode 24/7, it’s easy for every conversation to revolve around nappies, school runs, or screen time rules. However, if every chat becomes logistics, the emotional connection starts to fade.
Try to carve out even a few minutes a day to talk about something else—how you’re feeling, what’s been on your mind, or something random that made you laugh. Those little detours away from “kid talk” help you stay connected as partners, not just co-parents.
2. Stop keeping score—it’s pointless and reductive.
When you’re both exhausted, it’s tempting to tally up who’s done more—who changed the last nappy, who got up early, who did bedtime again. But that kind of scoreboard can turn into quiet resentment fast.
Instead of trying to even things out perfectly, focus on supporting each other where you can. If you notice they’re wiped out, step in without waiting to be asked. Being generous with your energy, even when it’s limited, creates a team vibe instead of a rivalry.
3. Make time for affection that isn’t just functional.
Source: Unsplash Quick hugs in passing or tired goodnight kisses are nice, but they’re not quite the same as slowing down to actually hold hands or snuggle on the sofa for a few minutes. That kind of physical closeness helps rebuild emotional closeness too. Even just sitting side by side while watching TV or holding onto each other during a tough moment can remind you both that you’re still a couple, not just parents sharing duties under one roof.
4. Laugh together, even if it’s over something silly.
Source: Unsplash Parenting comes with enough serious moments, so make room for a bit of silliness too. Send each other ridiculous memes, laugh about the chaos, or share those “you won’t believe what they just did” stories from the day. Laughter is a shortcut back to connection. It lightens the load and brings back a bit of that playfulness you had before everything got so serious. And honestly, sometimes that’s exactly what you both need most.
5. Say thank you, even for the small stuff.
It’s easy to stop noticing the everyday things—making dinner, picking up socks, surviving another bedtime battle. But expressing gratitude, even for the stuff that’s expected, helps your partner feel seen and appreciated. A quick “thanks for sorting that” or “I know you’re tired, so I really appreciate you doing that anyway” goes a long way. When you feel valued, it’s easier to keep giving. That quiet appreciation helps keep the team strong.
6. Don’t wait for alone time to connect.
It’s lovely when you can get a proper date night or a quiet evening together, but those moments aren’t always easy to find when you’re raising kids. Don’t let that stop you from connecting.
Steal little moments during the day—a hug in the kitchen, a check-in while folding laundry, a glance across the room that says, “We’ve got this.” Those small moments matter more than you think, and they help you feel close even when life’s loud.
7. Share what you’re struggling with.
It’s tempting to bottle things up when you’re tired and stretched thin, especially if you don’t want to “burden” each other. However, sharing what’s on your mind helps you both stay emotionally tuned in. Even just saying, “I’m feeling a bit off today” or “I’m overwhelmed” opens the door to support and closeness. You don’t have to fix each other’s problems. Just listening and being there goes a long way.
8. Check in with how they’re doing, not just what they’re doing.
It’s easy to fall into task-based conversations: “Did you pick up the milk?” or “Can you handle bath time tonight?” But sometimes what your partner really needs is to feel like you still care how they’re feeling, not just what they’re getting done. A simple “How are you holding up?” or “Are you okay?” can be surprisingly powerful. It shifts the energy from partnership in chores to partnership in life, and that change adds up.
9. Protect a few rituals that are just for you.
Maybe it’s having a cuppa together after the kids are in bed, or watching one specific show just the two of you. Whatever it is, having something consistent that belongs to just you two helps maintain a sense of closeness. It doesn’t have to be big or fancy; it just has to be yours. When life feels chaotic, these rituals become a little reminder that you’re still prioritising each other, even in small ways.
10. Avoid venting only to your friends.
It’s healthy to have people you can talk to outside the relationship, but if you’re regularly offloading your frustrations to other people and not bringing anything to your partner, disconnection can quietly grow. You don’t have to bring every complaint to them, but some openness helps. Let them know what’s bothering you, what you miss, or what would help. Quiet avoidance often causes more distance than honest vulnerability ever will.
11. Try not to always “divide and conquer.”
It’s efficient to split up tasks—one does dinner, the other handles bedtime. However, if that becomes the default, you can end up spending most evenings in parallel lives rather than sharing them. Even switching roles now and then or doing parts of the routine together helps bring you back into each other’s orbit. Teamwork doesn’t just make things easier. It brings you together in the process.
12. Let some things slide sometimes.
When you’re both running on low energy, it’s okay if the dishes pile up or if the to-do list stays unfinished. Sometimes, choosing to rest or be present with each other matters more than getting everything done. Letting go of perfection now and then gives you space to breathe, and more importantly, space to be together without guilt. That space is where connection can start to grow back in.
13. Be open about what you miss.
Instead of stewing quietly, share what you’re missing. Say things like, “I miss spending time with just you” or “I miss when we used to talk before bed.” These soft admissions often invite closeness instead of causing tension. It’s not about blame; it’s about remembering that your relationship matters too. When you both know what the other is craving, you’re more likely to create those moments again, even if it’s in small, realistic ways.
14. Don’t let intimacy vanish entirely.
It’s completely normal for physical intimacy to shift during parenting seasons, but when it disappears entirely, it can create distance that’s hard to name. You don’t need to aim for “spontaneous and wild”—just closeness. Touch doesn’t have to lead to anything. A cuddle, a kiss that lasts more than one second, or even brushing past each other with intention can bring you back into each other’s space. That spark doesn’t have to disappear—it just needs attention.
15. Keep showing up, even imperfectly.
Source: Unsplash There will be tired days, short tempers, and missteps—that’s just real life. But consistently showing up, even in small ways, reminds your partner that the connection still matters to you, and that reminder is everything. You don’t need perfect communication or romantic date nights every week. You just need to keep reaching for each other, even if it’s messy, tired, and a bit unglamorous. That’s how relationships stay strong through the hardest seasons.
