When you meet someone new who you connect with immediately, it’s natural to want to go all in straight away.
However, it’s important to pace yourself and make sure you’re not diving too deep too quickly. You have to take your time to get to know them and see if they’re really as great as they appear on the surface. Here’s how to stop yourself from getting attached too quickly and take your time a bit more.
1. Keep your expectations realistic from the start.
It’s easy to get carried away when you meet someone new, imagining a perfect future together. But remember, you’re just getting to know this person. They’re not perfect, and neither are you. Try to see them as they really are, not as you want them to be. This realistic approach can help you avoid building up unrealistic expectations that lead to quick attachment.
2. Don’t neglect your own life and interests.
When you’re excited about someone new, it’s tempting to drop everything else and focus solely on them. But maintaining your own life is crucial. Keep up with your hobbies, see your mates, and pursue your goals. This makes you more interesting and prevents you from becoming overly dependent on the new person in your life.
3. Take your time getting to know them properly.
Rushing into things often means skipping over the important process of really getting to know someone. Instead of trying to fast-track the relationship, slow down and enjoy the discovery phase. Ask questions, listen carefully, and pay attention to how they behave in different situations. This approach helps you build a more realistic picture of who they are.
4. Be honest with yourself about your attachment style.
Some people are naturally more prone to quick attachment than others. If you know you tend to fall hard and fast, acknowledge this about yourself. Understanding your own patterns can help you recognise when you’re starting to get overly attached and take steps to slow things down.
5. Don’t make them the centre of your world.
It’s easy to start revolving your life around a new person, but this can lead to unhealthy attachment. Remember that you had a life before them, and you should continue to have one outside of them. Keep other relationships strong, focus on your work or studies, and maintain your independence.
6. Avoid overanalysing every interaction.
Obsessing over every text, call, or interaction is a no-no. Try not to read too much into things. If you find yourself constantly thinking about what they meant by that emoji or why they haven’t replied yet, distract yourself with something else. Over-analysis often leads to unnecessary worry and premature attachment.
7. Don’t rush into physical intimacy.
Physical intimacy can create a false sense of emotional closeness. While it’s normal to feel attracted to someone, rushing into a physical relationship can cloud your judgment and lead to premature attachment. Take your time and make sure you’re comfortable with the pace of physical intimacy in your relationship.
8. Keep your options open in the early stages.
If you’re not in an exclusive relationship, it’s okay to keep your options open. This doesn’t mean you should date multiple people if you’re not comfortable with that, but don’t close yourself off to other possibilities too quickly. This can help you maintain perspective and avoid getting too attached to one person before you’re ready.
9. Be cautious about making future plans too soon.
Planning far into the future with someone you’ve just met can create a false sense of commitment. While it’s fine to talk about general future hopes and dreams, avoid making concrete plans together too early on. This can help keep your expectations in check and prevent premature attachment.
10. Pay attention to red flags.
When we’re excited about someone new, it’s easy to overlook potential issues. But ignoring red flags can lead to getting attached to someone who might not be right for you. Be honest with yourself about any concerning behaviours or incompatibilities you notice. It’s better to acknowledge these early on than to get deeply attached and then heartbroken.
11. Don’t neglect your emotional needs.
Sometimes we get attached quickly because we’re looking for someone to fill an emotional void. Make sure you’re taking care of your own emotional needs rather than expecting a new person to do it for you. This might mean working on self-love, building stronger friendships, or finding fulfilment in your work or hobbies.
12. Avoid constantly checking their social media.
Social media stalking can create a false sense of intimacy and lead to premature attachment. Try to resist the urge to constantly check their profiles or scroll through their old posts. Remember, social media is often a highlights reel and doesn’t show the full picture of someone’s life.
13. Take breaks from communication.
Constant communication, especially in the early stages of getting to know someone, can accelerate attachment. It’s healthy to have periods where you’re not in constant contact. This gives you both space to miss each other and prevents the relationship from becoming all-consuming too quickly.
14. Focus on the present moment.
Instead of getting caught up in fantasies about the future, try to stay grounded in the present. Enjoy getting to know this person for who they are right now, without projecting too far ahead. This mindset can help you avoid premature attachment and allow the relationship to develop naturally.
15. Remember that infatuation isn’t love.
That exciting, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling you get when you first meet someone is lovely, but it’s not the same as love. Recognise that these intense early feelings are often more about infatuation than deep, lasting love. Understanding this can help you keep your emotions in perspective and avoid getting too attached too quickly.
