Breaking free from a narcissist’s manipulative grasp is one of the most liberating experiences in the world.
However, it’s rarely easy. They’ll go to great lengths to keep you in their grasp, and the harder you fight against it, the more intense and scary their tactics can be. Here are a few behaviours you should expect when leaving a narcissist behind. Remember, you’re stronger than you think and you’ll get through this!
1. They’ll try to make you feel guilty for things you haven’t done.
Source: Unsplash One of the narcissist’s most potent weapons is guilt. They may try to make you feel responsible for their happiness or well-being. They’ll play the victim, reminding you of all the things they’ve done for you and how ungrateful you are for not reciprocating. Don’t fall for it. Remember, you’re not responsible for their emotions or their choices.
2. They’ll try to make you feel crazy.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that involves distorting reality to make you doubt your own sanity. The narcissist might deny things they said or did, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic. They might even try to convince you that you’re the one who’s being manipulative or controlling. Trust your instincts and don’t let them undermine your reality.
3. They’ll try to isolate you from your support system.
Narcissists thrive on control, and they know that your friends and family can offer you support and validation. They might try to turn you against your loved ones, spreading rumours or lies about them. They might also try to limit your contact with them, making it hard for you to get help or advice. Don’t let them isolate you. Stay connected with the people who love and support you.
4. They’ll try to smear your reputation.
If you dare to challenge a narcissist’s authority or reject their advances, they may try to retaliate by spreading rumours or lies about you. They might try to paint you as unstable, unreliable, or even dangerous. This is their way of trying to regain control and discredit you to other people. Don’t engage in their smear campaign. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who know and trust you.
5. They’ll try to hoover you back in.
Hoovering is a tactic narcissists use to suck you back into their orbit after you’ve gone no contact. They might bombard you with messages, apologies, or promises to change. They might even try to love bomb you with affection and attention. Don’t be fooled. This is just another manipulation tactic designed to regain control over you.
6. They’ll play the victim.
Narcissists are experts at playing the victim. They’ll twist the narrative to make themselves look like the injured party, even when they’re the ones who caused the harm. They’ll exaggerate their own suffering and minimise your pain. Don’t buy into their sob story. Remember, you’re not responsible for their happiness or their healing.
7. They’ll try to undermine your self-esteem.
Narcissists thrive on making people feel small and insignificant. They’ll criticise your appearance, your choices, your accomplishments, or anything else they can think of. They might even compare you negatively to other people. Don’t internalise their negativity. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.
8. They’ll try to make you feel like you’re overreacting.
If you express your anger, hurt, or frustration, the narcissist might try to invalidate your feelings by telling you that you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. They might even accuse you of being the one who’s causing the problems. Don’t let them dismiss your emotions. Your feelings are valid, and you have a right to express them.
9. They might try to threaten or intimidate you.
If a narcissist feels like they’re losing control, they might resort to threats or intimidation tactics. They might threaten to harm themselves, to spread rumours about you, or to take legal action against you. It’s important to remember that these are just empty threats designed to scare you into submission. Don’t let them intimidate you. If you feel threatened, don’t hesitate to get help from a trusted friend, family member, or professional.
10. They’ll try to bribe or reward you for doing what they want you to do.
Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and they know how to use rewards and punishments to get what they want. They might offer you gifts, compliments, or special treatment if you do what they want. Conversely, they might withhold affection, attention, or resources if you don’t comply. Don’t fall for their bribes or threats. Stay true to your own values and don’t let them control you.
11. They might try to project their own flaws and insecurities onto you.
Narcissists often have a distorted self-image, and they may try to project their own flaws and insecurities onto anyone they can. For example, if they’re insecure about their own intelligence, they might accuse you of being stupid. If they’re insecure about their own appearance, they might criticise your looks. Don’t internalise their projections. Remember, their criticisms say more about them than they do about you.
12. They’ll try to sabotage your relationships or career.
Narcissists are often jealous and possessive, and they may try to sabotage your relationships with other people. They might spread rumours about you, try to turn your friends against you, or even try to interfere with your work or career. This is their way of trying to isolate you and make you more dependent on them. Don’t let them sabotage your life. Stay connected with your loved ones and pursue your own goals and dreams.
13. They’ll eventually discard you and move on to someone new.
Narcissists are always looking for new sources of narcissistic supply, and they may discard you once they feel like they’ve got what they want from you. They might abruptly end the relationship, ghost you, or start dating someone new. This can be incredibly painful, but it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault. You deserve to be with someone who values and respects you.
14. They might try to apologise and promise to change (but they won’t).
Narcissists are notorious for their insincere apologies and empty promises. They might apologise for their behaviour, but they’ll likely repeat the same patterns in the future. They might promise to change, but they lack the self-awareness and empathy necessary for real transformation. Don’t believe their apologies or promises. Actions speak louder than words.
15. They may eventually accept your decision (but don’t expect closure).
In some cases, a narcissist might eventually accept that you’re not going to be manipulated any more. However, don’t expect a heartfelt apology or a sincere attempt at reconciliation. They might simply move on to their next target without looking back. It’s important to find closure on your own terms and to focus on healing and moving forward.
