Dealing with a narcissist who’s feeling threatened is like a roller coaster of emotions and behaviours, and it’s not a ride you want to be on for long. However, understanding their reactions can help you navigate the situation and keep your sanity intact. Here are some red flag behaviours to keep your eyes peeled for.
1. They try to tear down your accomplishments.
One of the most classic moves a narcissist pulls when they feel threatened is to downplay your accomplishments or try to take credit for them. They might make snide comments about your work, subtly undermine your efforts, or flat-out steal your ideas, Psych Central warns. It’s their way of keeping the spotlight on themselves and making you feel less capable.
2. They try to make you feel jealous or insecure.
Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration, so if they sense that you’re getting more than they are, they’ll try to make you feel jealous or insecure. They might flirt with your friends, brag about their own successes, or subtly put you down. This is all about regaining control and keeping you in their shadow.
3. They spread rumours or gossip about you.
Narcissists love to gossip, especially if it’s about someone they perceive as a threat. They’ll spread rumours, twist your words, and try to paint you in a negative light. It’s a way for them to damage your reputation and make themselves look better by comparison.
4. They try to isolate you from your friends and family.
Narcissists want to be the centre of your world, so they’ll try to isolate you from your support system. They might discourage you from spending time with your friends and family, or even try to turn them against you. This is their way of ensuring that you’re dependent on them and that they have complete control over your life.
5. They try to gaslight you.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that narcissists use to make you doubt yourself and your reality. They might deny things they’ve said or done, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or crazy. It’s a way for them to maintain power and control by making you question your own sanity, Psychology Today notes.
6. They play the victim.
Narcissists are experts at playing the victim. Even if they’re the ones who are behaving badly, they’ll twist the narrative to make it seem like you’re the one who’s wronged them. They’ll play on your sympathy, guilt-trip you, and try to make you feel sorry for them. It’s a way for them to deflect blame and maintain control.
7. They try to provoke you into an argument.
Narcissists love drama, and they’ll often try to provoke you into an argument. They might pick fights over trivial matters, push your buttons, or make inflammatory comments. This is all about getting a reaction out of you and keeping the focus on themselves.
8. They give you the silent treatment.
The silent treatment is a classic narcissist tactic. They might ignore your calls and texts, refuse to speak to you, or even pretend you don’t exist. It’s a way for them to punish you, control your emotions, and make you feel desperate for their attention.
9. They try to hoover you back in.
Even if they’ve been the ones to end things, narcissists often try to “hoover” you back into their lives. This can involve love bombing, apologies, promises to change, or even threats of self-harm. It’s their way of regaining control and getting the attention they crave.
10. They project their insecurities onto you.
Narcissists are often deeply insecure, but they’ll project those insecurities onto you instead of facing them themselves. They might accuse you of being selfish, needy, or attention-seeking. It’s a way for them to deflect blame and make you feel bad about yourself.
11. They become extremely defensive.
If you confront a narcissist about their behaviour, they’ll often become extremely defensive. They might deny any wrongdoing, attack you verbally, or even turn the tables and accuse you of being the problem. It’s their way of protecting their fragile ego and avoiding accountability.
12. They try to sabotage your relationships.
Narcissists don’t want to share the spotlight with anyone, so they’ll often try to sabotage your relationships with other people. They might spread rumours about you, try to turn your friends against you, or even flirt with your partner. It’s their way of keeping you isolated and dependent on them.
13. They threaten you with violence or blackmail.
In extreme cases, narcissists may resort to threats of violence or blackmail. They might threaten to hurt you, your loved ones, or themselves if you don’t comply with their demands. This is a dangerous situation, and you should seek help immediately if you’re feeling threatened.
14. They never take responsibility for their actions.
At the end of the day, narcissists will never take responsibility for their actions. They’ll always find a way to blame someone or something else for their behaviour. They might claim that you “made them” act that way, or that they were simply “defending themselves.” This lack of accountability is one of the most frustrating and infuriating things about dealing with a narcissist.
