Dating apps can be exhausting for everyone, but that’s especially true when you’re queer.
It feels like half the battle is just finding people who actually get it and can relate. If you’re tired of endless swiping, dead-end conversations, and ghosting, you’re definitely not alone. There are a million and one tips out there to help make the whole thing feel way less draining and way more worth your time, but here are some that might actually be effective.
1. Pick apps that are actually made for you.
Not all dating apps are created equal, and if you’re queer, it makes a difference. Some apps are way more inclusive, with better filters, safer spaces, and actual options that reflect your identity instead of forcing you into a weird box. Choosing an app where you feel seen right from the start saves you so much frustration later. Plus, being around people who already understand your vibe cuts down on having to explain or defend who you are every five minutes.
2. Be super clear about what you’re looking for.
It’s tempting to stay vague just to see what happens, but being upfront about what you want—whether it’s casual, serious, friendship, or anything in between—saves everyone a lot of time and energy. You don’t have to write a novel in your bio, but a few honest sentences can help you attract people who are on the same page. It’s way less draining than matching with a bunch of people who want totally different things.
3. Curate your profile like you’re talking to real humans.
Forget trying to sound impressive. Instead, focus on sounding like you. Share a little about what lights you up, what kind of connection you’re hoping for, and what makes you, well, you. The right people will find it refreshing. Good pictures help, of course, but a thoughtful bio makes way more of a difference than most people realise. It sets the tone for more genuine conversations and helps filter out people who aren’t really paying attention anyway.
4. Swipe with intention, not boredom.
It’s so easy to get stuck mindlessly swiping just because you’re bored, but that’s usually when the burnout hits hardest. Try to swipe only when you’re actually in the mood to engage, not just killing time during a commercial break. Being a little more intentional with your swipes helps protect your energy and keeps the whole process feeling less like a mind-numbing chore. Quality over quantity, every time.
5. Send messages you’d actually want to get.
Instead of starting every chat with “Hey” or “What’s up?”—try something a little more personal. Mention something from their profile, ask a fun question, or share a quick thought that feels natural. Starting off with a little effort makes you stand out instantly. It also sets a tone for better conversations and weeds out people who aren’t willing to match your energy right from the jump.
6. Don’t be afraid to make the first move.
If you’re waiting around for someone else to start the conversation, you might be waiting forever. People get nervous, distracted, or just plain lazy, so if you’re interested, go ahead and say hi first. It doesn’t have to be a grand romantic gesture. Just a simple, friendly opener is enough. Taking the initiative shows confidence and gives you a little more control over the kinds of connections you’re building.
7. Trust your gut about red flags, even the small ones.
Sometimes you spot something that feels a little off—a weird comment, a dodged question, a vibe that just doesn’t sit right. Trust that feeling. You don’t need a “good enough reason” to unmatch or move on. Your time and energy are valuable. If something feels wrong early on, it usually doesn’t get better later. Listening to your instincts saves you a lot of frustration (and honestly, probably a lot of bad dates too).
8. Set your own pace, not the app’s.
Dating apps are designed to keep you constantly swiping, matching, and messaging, but you’re allowed to slow it down. You don’t have to keep up with every notification or respond immediately to every message. Setting your own pace makes dating feel way more manageable and way less overwhelming. It keeps you in control, not stuck on some endless hamster wheel of conversations that don’t go anywhere.
9. Take breaks without feeling bad about it.
If you’re feeling drained, annoyed, or just over it, take a break. You don’t owe the apps your constant availability. Rest, recharge, focus on other parts of your life, etc. The right matches will still be there when you’re ready to jump back in. Dating should add to your life, not drain the life out of you. Taking breaks isn’t giving up; it’s protecting your energy so you can actually enjoy it when you come back.
10. Move things off the app sooner rather than later.
Endless messaging gets exhausting. If you’re feeling a good vibe, suggest a phone call, video chat, or casual meet-up sooner rather than dragging it out forever online. Real chemistry happens in real time, not just over text. Moving the connection into the real world, even in small steps, helps you figure out faster whether there’s actual potential or just texting momentum.
11. Don’t take ghosting personally.
Ghosting feels awful, but it’s not really about you. Most of the time, it says way more about the other person’s communication skills (or lack of) than about anything you did wrong. It’s okay to be annoyed or hurt for a minute, but don’t spiral. Let it roll off, block or unmatch if you need to, and keep moving. Your energy’s too good to waste on people who can’t even send a “Hey, not feeling it” text.
12. Find ways to enjoy it, or at least make it less miserable.
Dating apps are a means to an end, not your whole life. If it feels like a job you hate, it’s time to switch things up. Maybe swipe while you’re listening to music you love, limit yourself to a few conversations at a time, or even treat it like a fun experiment instead of a high-stakes mission. Making it even a little more fun, or at least less painful, helps you stay open without getting jaded. And honestly, a little lightness goes a long way when everyone else feels burnt out too.
13. Remember: you’re not asking for too much.
Wanting someone who respects you, values you, and treats you like a human being isn’t asking too much. Wanting real conversations instead of games, or actual effort instead of low-energy matches, isn’t being “picky.” It’s called having standards. The right people won’t make you feel like you’re too much for expecting basic decency. Don’t shrink your expectations just because the apps make you feel like you have to settle for crumbs. You’re allowed to want, and wait for, something real.
