Some people just have a way of making everyone feel at ease the moment they start talking.
It’s not because they’re super outgoing, funny, or charismatic (though those things help!). It’s actually down to their ability to connect with pretty much anyone in a genuine way. Whether you’re shy, introverted, or just don’t really know what to say, learning a few solid conversational tricks can definitely change how people respond to you. You don’t need to be fake or put on a show—in fact, you really shouldn’t—you just need to develop some habits that make people feel heard, valued, and comfortable. Here’s how to do exactly that.
1. Ask questions that go beyond the surface.
Instead of sticking to the usual “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?”, try questions that open the door to real stories. Ask things like, “What’s something you’ve been excited about lately?” or “What would your ideal weekend look like?” These kinds of prompts spark more personal, interesting conversations.
People love to talk about themselves, but they especially love to talk about things that matter to them. When you ask questions that show genuine curiosity, you’re giving the other person permission to open up, and they’ll remember you for it.
2. Mirror their energy, but not in a forced way.
If someone’s excited and animated, let yourself be a bit more expressive. If they’re calm and thoughtful, dial it down slightly. That doesn’t mean copying them, but finding a comfortable match in tone and pace that makes the conversation feel natural.
We naturally feel more connected to people who feel “in sync” with us. Subtle mirroring shows that you’re paying attention and helps build a feeling of ease. It’s less about being exactly alike and more about making someone feel like you’re on the same wavelength.
3. Use their name naturally in conversation.
There’s something about hearing your own name that just feels good. When you use someone’s name during a conversation without overdoing it, it helps build a sense of connection and familiarity.
It shows you’re paying attention and that they matter to you as a person, not just a voice in the room. Just saying their name when you greet them or when you agree with something they say can go a long way in making them feel seen.
4. Give them your full attention.
It sounds obvious, but given all the distractions in the world, being fully present is rare—and powerful. Put your phone away, maintain good eye contact, and don’t mentally prep your next response while they’re speaking.
When someone feels like they have your undivided attention, they feel valued. It makes you stand out, not because you’re saying something extraordinary, but because you’re offering something surprisingly uncommon: genuine interest.
5. Share little bits about yourself, too.
While asking great questions is key, people also connect through shared vulnerability. Offering a little window into your own thoughts, stories, or experiences makes the exchange feel mutual rather than one-sided.
It doesn’t have to be deep—just a quick “That happened to me once too!” or “I used to struggle with that” creates connection. Being a bit open makes other people feel safer doing the same, which helps build trust and rapport naturally.
6. Find shared humour, even in small things.
You don’t have to be a comedian to be funny in conversation. Picking up on little funny moments, laughing at yourself, or gently joking about a shared situation can break the ice quickly.
Humour makes people feel relaxed, and laughing together builds instant connection. Even a smile and a playful comment about how awkward small talk is can help ease tension and show you’re not taking things too seriously.
7. Repeat key words they use.
This is a subtle trick that makes people feel heard and understood. If someone says they’re “exhausted” from work, you might respond, “That sounds really exhausting—what’s been going on?” Echoing their words back to them shows you’re tuned in.
It also helps them feel validated without you having to guess how they’re feeling. When someone hears their language reflected in your response, it naturally builds a bridge between you.
8. Be enthusiastic about their interests.
You don’t have to love what they love, but showing interest makes a big difference. If they mention something they’re passionate about—whether it’s photography, Formula 1, or astrology—ask questions and show curiosity.
Even just saying, “That’s so cool, I’ve never really learned much about that,” invites them to share more. People light up when talking about their passions, and if you make space for that, they’ll associate that good feeling with you.
9. Notice small details and mention them.
People love being noticed in small, thoughtful ways. Maybe they’re wearing a fun pair of shoes, or they said something insightful a few minutes ago. Calling it out in a casual, kind way shows that you’re genuinely present. Saying things like, “That was a really good point you made earlier” or “I love how you always seem so calm” gives the conversation depth. Compliments don’t have to be over the top, just sincere and specific.
10. Ask follow-up questions.
When someone answers a question, show you’re listening by asking a follow-up. If they mention they’re into painting, try: “That’s amazing—what kind of things do you like to paint?” Follow-ups keep the conversation flowing and show that you’re not just asking to be polite—you actually care. This simple habit shows emotional intelligence and builds stronger, more natural connections.
11. Use pauses and silence in a comfortable way.
You don’t need to fill every silence with chatter. Pausing for a beat lets your words land and gives the other person time to respond more thoughtfully, too. When you’re comfortable with quiet moments, it shows confidence. It also makes conversations feel more relaxed, not rushed, and gives space for real reflection instead of rapid back-and-forth.
12. Match your tone to the moment.
If someone’s telling a serious story, match that energy with empathy. If they’re joking around, join in the fun. Reading the room and responding accordingly makes people feel safe and understood. You’re not putting on an act; you’re being present and respectful. Being tone-deaf to the emotional vibe of a conversation can feel awkward, but getting it right builds trust quickly.
13. Be generous with encouragement.
When someone shares something, especially something vulnerable or new, be the one who cheers them on. A simple “That’s awesome, good for you!” or “That must’ve taken a lot of guts” can totally lift someone’s spirits. Encouraging words are powerful, and most people don’t hear them enough. Being the kind of person who makes others feel supported and capable will make people naturally want to be around you.
14. Don’t try to one-up them.
If someone tells a story about their trip, don’t jump in with, “Oh, I went there too, but mine was even crazier.” Resist the urge to top everything they say with your own version. Let their story have its moment. You can relate, but keep the focus on them rather than redirecting it to yourself. Staying present and letting others shine makes people feel valued, which is what real connection is all about.
15. End conversations with warmth.
How you end a chat often sticks more than how it started. Whether it’s a short interaction or a longer talk, wrapping up with something warm like “I really enjoyed this chat” or “You’re really easy to talk to” leaves a lasting impression.
It makes the other person feel appreciated and subtly invites future connection. You don’t have to overthink it—just be kind, sincere, and positive as you part ways. People remember how you made them feel, not just what you said.
