Being bisexual and married can feel like a complicated experience, especially if confusion creeps in about your identity, needs, or the future of your relationship.
Many bisexual people in marriages — whether with a man, woman, or non-binary partner — struggle with feelings of invisibility, self-doubt, or the question of whether they’re being true to themselves. But you’re not alone, and these feelings don’t mean your marriage is doomed or that your bisexuality is invalid. If you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed, doing these things can make you feel a bit better.
1. Remind yourself that bisexuality doesn’t disappear in a relationship.
One of the biggest misconceptions about bisexuality is that once you’re in a committed relationship, it somehow “cancels out” your identity. If you’re married to someone of the opposite sex, people may assume you’re straight. If you’re married to someone of the same sex, other people may assume you’re gay. But being bisexual is about attraction, not relationship status. Your identity is still valid, regardless of who you’re with. Reminding yourself of this can help ease feelings of erasure or confusion.
2. Acknowledge that attraction doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong relationship.
Just because you still experience attraction to multiple genders doesn’t mean you’ve chosen the “wrong” partner. Many people, regardless of orientation, find other people attractive throughout their lives — it’s completely normal. The key difference is how you respond to that attraction. Being married means committing to your partner, but it doesn’t mean your bisexuality stops existing. Allowing yourself to acknowledge feelings without guilt can make a huge difference.
3. Talk to your partner about your feelings.
If you’re struggling with confusion, guilt, or questions about your identity, talking to your partner can be incredibly helpful, especially if they’re supportive. Many bisexual people worry that bringing it up will cause problems, but honesty can actually strengthen your relationship.
Explain how you’re feeling, without making it about dissatisfaction with them. Phrasing it as “I’m trying to understand my feelings better” rather than “I feel like something is missing” can make the conversation feel more constructive and less threatening.
4. Find a bisexual community or support group.
Feeling isolated in your experience can make confusion worse. Many bisexual people in monogamous marriages struggle with feeling unseen or misunderstood, even by their partner. Finding an online community, reading stories from other bisexual people in relationships, or joining a support group can help you feel validated. Seeing other people deal with similar feelings can provide clarity and remind you that you’re not alone.
5. Recognise that identity and behaviour are separate.
Being bisexual doesn’t mean you need to act on every attraction to feel fulfilled. Just like a heterosexual or homosexual person can be happy in a committed relationship without looking for other experiences, the same applies to bisexuality. Your identity isn’t defined by past or future experiences — it exists regardless of whether you’re actively dating people of different genders. Accepting that can reduce some of the internal pressure.
6. Explore where the confusion is coming from.
Are you confused because you feel unseen? Because you have an unmet need in your relationship? Because you’ve never explored certain aspects of your identity? Taking time to reflect on where your feelings are coming from can help you understand them more clearly. Journaling, therapy, or even simply asking yourself questions like “What do I actually need right now?” can provide clarity and help separate external pressures from your true feelings.
7. Consider whether monogamy works for you.
For some bisexual people, monogamy feels completely fulfilling; for others, the idea of being limited to one partner for life can create a sense of loss, not because they don’t love their spouse, but because they feel a disconnect from a core part of themselves.
While that doesn’t mean every bisexual person needs to be in an open relationship, it’s okay to ask yourself what structure works best for you. Some couples find ethical non-monogamy helpful, while others find that discussing their feelings openly, even without changing the relationship dynamic, makes monogamy feel easier.
8. Let go of guilt about your feelings.
Feeling confused or questioning your identity doesn’t make you unfaithful or a bad partner. Many people, regardless of orientation, go through periods of self-reflection in long-term relationships.
Guilt often makes people suppress their feelings rather than work through them. But suppressing something doesn’t make it disappear — it usually just causes more distress. Allowing yourself to feel and process your emotions without judgement can help you move forward in a healthier way.
9. Be honest with yourself about what you need.
Sometimes, confusion comes from feeling like something is missing, but that “something” isn’t always another relationship. It could be a need for bisexual visibility, a stronger sense of identity, or simply feeling seen by your partner in a deeper way.
Before making big decisions, ask yourself: what am I actually craving? Do I need to connect with my bisexual identity more? Do I need better communication in my relationship? Do I need more independence? Understanding what’s really missing helps you address it in a productive way.
10. Challenge societal pressure and internalised biphobia.
Biphobia — both from society and internalised within yourself—can create unnecessary confusion. Many bisexual people are made to feel like they have to “pick a side” or prove their identity through their actions. Remind yourself that bisexuality is real, valid, and doesn’t need to look a certain way. You don’t have to justify your identity based on your current relationship status or past experiences.
11. Consider going to therapy if you need some extra support.
Sometimes, talking things through with a professional can help untangle complicated emotions. A therapist who is LGBTQIA+ affirming can provide a non-judgemental space to explore your feelings without fear of being misunderstood. Therapy doesn’t mean something is wrong; it’s simply a tool to help you gain clarity and confidence in your identity and relationships. If your confusion is causing you stress, it’s worth considering.
12. Know that you don’t have to figure everything out at once.
Sexuality, relationships, and self-discovery are lifelong journeys. Just because you’re confused now doesn’t mean you’ll always feel that way. Rather than pressuring yourself to find immediate answers, allow yourself space to explore your emotions, communicate openly, and grow into a deeper understanding of yourself. With time and reflection, things will become clearer.
