Sometimes friendships run their course and the best thing to do is let them go.
However, some of us are more impulsive than others, and you may cut someone off prematurely when your friendship could actually be saved. Before you decide to walk away, here are some questions to ask yourself to make sure you’re making the right decision.
1. Have you communicated your concerns to your friend?
Often, issues in friendships stem from misunderstandings or unspoken grievances. Before calling it quits, try having an honest conversation with your friend. Express your feelings and concerns openly, giving them a chance to explain their perspective. An honest conversation might reveal ways to fix things that you hadn’t considered before.
2. Are you going through a tough time in your life?
Sometimes, our personal struggles can colour our perceptions of relationships. If you’re experiencing stress, depression, or major life changes, it’s worth considering whether these factors are influencing your view of the friendship. Take a step back and evaluate if your current emotional state is affecting your judgement.
3. Has there been a major change in your friend’s behaviour?
If your friend’s actions or attitude have shifted dramatically, there might be underlying reasons you’re unaware of. They could be dealing with personal issues or life changes. Before ending the friendship, try to understand what’s causing this change. It might be temporary, and your support could be valuable during this time.
4. Are your expectations of the friendship realistic?
We all have different ideas about what friendship entails. Reflect on whether your expectations are reasonable. Are you expecting too much time, emotional labour, or support from your friend? Understanding and adjusting your expectations might help preserve the relationship.
5. How long have you been friends, and does that history hold value?
Long-term friendships often weather ups and downs. Consider the duration of your friendship and the shared experiences you’ve had. While it’s not a reason to maintain a toxic relationship, a long history might be worth fighting for if the core of your friendship remains strong.
6. Are you both putting equal effort into the friendship?
Friendships thrive on mutual effort and care. If you feel you’re consistently the one reaching out, planning meet-ups, or providing support, it might be time to reassess. However, also consider if there have been times when the roles were reversed. Balance is key in any healthy friendship.
7. Do you still share common interests or values?
As we grow and change, our interests and values can shift. Reflect on whether you and your friend still have enough in common to maintain a meaningful connection. While differences can actually strengthen a friendship, a huge divergence in core values might make it difficult to relate to each other.
8. How does this friendship impact your mental health?
A healthy friendship should generally have a positive impact on your wellbeing. If you consistently feel drained, anxious, or upset after interacting with this friend, it’s worth examining why. Consider whether the negative effects outweigh the positive aspects of the friendship.
9. Have you given your friend a chance to make amends?
If a specific incident has caused a rift, have you allowed your friend the opportunity to apologise or make things right? People make mistakes, and a sincere apology followed by changed behaviour can often salvage a friendship. Consider if you’re willing to forgive and move forward.
10. Are you holding on to the past?
Examine whether you’re harbouring resentment over past issues that have already been addressed. If you find yourself unable to let go of old hurts, it might be more about your ability to forgive than your friend’s current behaviour. Reflect on whether these past issues are truly relevant to your friendship today.
11. Does this friendship bring out the best in you?
Consider how you behave and feel when you’re with this friend. Do they inspire you to be a better person, or do you find yourself acting in ways you’re not proud of? A good friendship should encourage personal growth and bring out positive qualities in both parties.
12. Are you confusing a rough patch with a permanent change?
Friendships, like any relationship, can go through difficult periods. Before deciding to end things, consider whether you’re experiencing a temporary rough patch or a fundamental shift in the friendship. Temporary challenges can often be overcome with patience and understanding.
13. Have you considered the impact of ending this friendship on your wider social circle?
While this shouldn’t be the sole reason for maintaining a friendship, it’s worth considering the potential ripple effects of ending it. If you share many mutual friends, think about how this might affect group dynamics. Are you prepared for the potential social consequences?
14. Are you afraid of being alone if you end this friendship?
Sometimes, we cling to unhealthy friendships out of fear of loneliness. Examine whether this fear is influencing your decision. Remember, it’s better to have fewer, quality friendships than to maintain relationships that don’t truly fulfil you.
15. Can you envision your life without this person in it?
Finally, take a moment to imagine your life without this friend. How does it make you feel? If the thought brings more relief than sadness, it might be a sign that you’re ready to move on. However, if the idea of losing this person from your life causes major upset, it might be worth putting in more effort to salvage the friendship.
