When you’re feeling low, you’re not looking for perfect advice or someone to solve your life.
Really, you just want to feel heard without being judged, brushed off, or talked over. And while most people mean well, there are some phrases that do more harm than good, especially when they come from someone you trust. If a friend regularly says things like this when you’re vulnerable, it might be time to rethink what kind of support you actually deserve. A real friend knows when to speak, when to listen, and when to stop themselves from saying stuff that stings. You’re not exactly going to feel better hearing these, after all.
1. “At least it’s not as bad as what some people are going through.”
This line is meant to put things into perspective, but it usually just makes you feel like your pain isn’t valid. You didn’t bring your feelings up to compete in a suffering Olympics—you just wanted to be heard. Real friends understand that comparison doesn’t heal pain. They hold space without needing to rank it. They know that just because someone else has it worse doesn’t mean what you’re going through doesn’t hurt.
2. “You’re just overthinking it.”
This one shuts the conversation down fast. It makes you feel like your mind is the problem and that your emotions are just a mental glitch. When you’re overwhelmed, the last thing you need is to feel dismissed. A good friend recognises that overthinking often comes from a place of anxiety, not drama. Instead of judging it, they help you slow it down, not shame you for it.
3. “You’re being too sensitive.”
Whether it’s said jokingly or not, this one stings. It makes you feel like your emotional reaction is a flaw, rather than a response to something real. It creates shame where there should be understanding. Real friends don’t weaponise your sensitivity. They see it as part of who you are, not something that needs to be fixed, mocked, or downplayed.
4. “You’ll get over it.”
This line might be true eventually, but it lands as cold when you’re in the thick of it. It skips past your current emotions and jumps to a conclusion you’re not ready for. It feels like a brush-off, not support. Real friends know that moving forward takes time, and that you don’t have to fast-forward through your pain just to make other people comfortable.
5. “You’re stronger than this.”
This might sound like encouragement, but it often feels like pressure. It suggests that feeling broken or overwhelmed makes you weak, which just adds guilt on top of everything else. Supportive friends remind you that strength isn’t about being unaffected. It’s about feeling everything and still getting through. They don’t hold your strength against you when you’re struggling.
6. “You just need to think more positively.”
Toxic positivity in disguise. This line skips over your real emotions and pushes you toward forced optimism. It might make the speaker feel helpful, but it leaves you feeling more alone than before. Real friends sit with the discomfort instead of trying to fix it with a smile. They know that positivity isn’t a switch you can flip, and that real comfort comes from being seen, not sugarcoated.
7. “It’s probably not even that serious.”
This might be meant to help you relax, but it often has the opposite effect. It minimises your experience and makes you question whether you’re being dramatic, even when your feelings are totally valid. Real friends know how to validate your stress without amplifying it or brushing it off. They help you work through it, not gaslight yourself out of it.
8. “You’ve just got to move on.”
This line might come from someone who wants to help you feel better, but it feels more like a deadline than support. Grief, heartbreak, burnout—they don’t work on a schedule. A true friend doesn’t rush your process. They walk with you, even when it’s slow, messy, or not very fun. That’s how trust grows—not from being told to hurry up and heal.
9. “Other people have it worse.”
This one might seem like it overlaps with point one, but it’s worth repeating because people say it so often without realising the damage. It turns your pain into a guilt trip rather than something that deserves empathy. A friend who truly gets it knows that compassion doesn’t come with conditions. They know your hurt is still valid, no matter what someone else is facing across the globe.
10. “You’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”
Even if your reaction seems intense from the outside, it’s real to you. Being told you’re blowing things out of proportion just adds shame to pain, and that makes everything heavier, not lighter. Real friends don’t need to agree with your exact reaction to respect it. They get that you might just need to process things in your own way, and they stay close while you do.
11. “You always do this.”
This one cuts deep. It turns a moment of vulnerability into a character flaw. It frames your pain as a pattern—something you should be embarrassed about instead of supported through. Good friends don’t use your emotional history against you. They notice patterns, sure, but they bring them up with care, not criticism. Especially not when you’re already hurting.
12. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
This one acts like a soft dismissal, but it still lands as invalidation. It assumes an outsider’s perspective should matter more than your lived experience, and that’s not how emotional safety works. A real friend doesn’t try to measure the size of your feelings against their expectations. They trust that if it hurts, it matters, and that’s enough to offer support without judgement.
13. “Well, that’s just life.”
Sure, bad stuff happens. But saying this during someone’s low moment makes you sound detached and emotionally unavailable. It’s the kind of phrase people use when they don’t know what else to say, and don’t want to try harder. Real friends don’t need to have answers. They just need to stay present, even when things are messy or uncomfortable. They don’t hide behind clichés—they show up.
14. “You just need to let it go.”
This sounds like a solution, but it’s often a demand. And when someone’s struggling, hearing this feels like being told to flip a switch that doesn’t exist. Letting go isn’t a decision—it’s a process. A real friend doesn’t try to rush your healing timeline. They support you as you work through it—at your own pace, in your own way, without the pressure to “be over it” just to make other people comfortable.
15. “That’s not what really happened.”
When someone’s in pain, dissecting their version of events in the moment makes you feel more like a lawyer than a friend. Whether or not they’re seeing things clearly, leading with correction instead of comfort builds distance, not trust. Real support often starts with, “I hear you.” You can talk about perspectives later, but if someone’s hurt, prioritising connection over critique is what actually helps them feel safe enough to come back from it.
16. “You should be grateful.”
Gratitude is powerful, but only when it’s chosen, not forced. Telling someone to be thankful when they’re struggling can feel like erasing what they’re going through. It suggests that because they have some good things, they shouldn’t be upset at all. Real friends understand that gratitude and pain can co-exist. You can love parts of your life and still hate how something else feels. Support isn’t about silencing pain; it’s about sitting with it, even when it’s complicated.
