If you’re someone who tends to overexplain yourself, I get it — I used to be exactly the same.
It’s hard to say where this tendency comes from. For some of us, it’s down to anxiety or insecurity; for others, we just want to be understood better and feel like people need more context to really absorb what we’re saying. And while it’s well-intentioned, overexplaining actually works against you in the end. Here’s how to pare back on the extensive monologues and instead learn to communicate more concisely.
1. Pause and breathe before responding.
Taking a minute to collect your thoughts before speaking can help you organise your ideas and deliver them more clearly. You can think about what info is actually necessary and what really doesn’t need to be said. You also look more thoughtful and your responses seem more measured and deliberate, which is a win-win.
2. Focus on the core message you want to get across.
Before launching into an explanation, identify the main point you want to make. Keep this central idea at the forefront of your mind as you speak. By concentrating on your key message, you’re less likely to drift into unnecessary details or tangents that can dilute your point and lose your listener’s attention.
3. Use the ‘one sentence, one paragraph’ rule.
Challenge yourself to express your initial response in a single sentence, as hard as that can be. If you really do need to explain more, limit it to one brief paragraph. Having a bit of structure forces you to prioritise information and present it in a clear, digestible format. It also allows the listener to ask for more details if they need them, rather than overwhelming them with information upfront.
4. Pay attention to your listener’s body language.
Be mindful of cues that indicate your listener is losing interest or has understood your point. Signs like nodding, maintaining eye contact, or offering verbal affirmations suggest comprehension. If you notice signs of disengagement, such as fidgeting or looking away, it’s likely time to wrap up your explanation.
5. Practice active listening and respond to questions directly.
Instead of anticipating what your listener might ask and preemptively answering, listen carefully to their specific questions. Respond directly to what they’re asking without adding unnecessary context or information. This way, you’re addressing their actual concerns rather than overwhelming them with extraneous details.
6. Embrace silence and allow for processing time.
After making your point, resist the urge to fill any silence with more explanation. Give your listener time to process the information and formulate their response or follow-up questions. Taking a pause can lead to more meaningful conversations and shows respect for the other person’s thoughts and reactions.
7. Use concrete examples sparingly.
While examples can be helpful in clarifying a point, too many can obscure your main message. Choose one clear, relevant example to illustrate your point if needed. If your listener requires more, they can ask for additional examples, which also helps you gauge their level of understanding and interest.
8. Practise summarising complex ideas succinctly.
Develop the skill of distilling complex concepts into brief, understandable summaries. This ability not only helps in curbing overexplanation, and it also demonstrates a deep understanding of whatever it is you’re talking about. Start by practising with familiar topics, gradually working up to more complex ones.
9. Be confident in your knowledge and expertise.
Often, overexplaining stems from a lack of confidence in your own understanding or abilities. Trust that you know your stuff, and that your initial explanation is sufficient. Remember, if your listener needs clarification, they can always ask for it. Your confidence will also make your communication more persuasive and authoritative.
10. Use visual aids when appropriate.
In some situations, a simple diagram, chart, or written list can convey information more efficiently than a lengthy verbal explanation. Visual aids can help you stay focused on key points and provide a clear structure for your listener to follow. This approach can be particularly effective in professional settings or when dealing with complex topics.
11. Ask for feedback on your communication style.
Ask for input from colleagues, friends, or family members about your tendency to overexplain. They may have some great insights into specific situations where you tend to provide too much detail. This feedback can help you become more aware of your habits and provide a basis for improvement.
12. Practice the art of storytelling.
Learn to convey information through concise, engaging stories rather than long-winded explanations. A well-crafted anecdote can often illustrate a point more effectively than a detailed breakdown. Focus on the key elements that drive your message home, omitting unnecessary details that might distract from the main point.
13. Set a time limit for your explanations.
When you find yourself in a situation where you need to explain something, mentally set a time limit for your response. This self-imposed constraint can help you prioritise information and deliver it more efficiently. With practice, you’ll become better at gauging how much time is appropriate for different types of explanations.
14. Recognise and challenge your underlying motivations.
Think about why you feel the need to overexplain. Is it fear of being misunderstood? Anxiety about appearing incompetent? By identifying these underlying motivations, you can address them directly and develop more confidence in your ability to communicate effectively without excessive elaboration.
