People who fly off the handle at the slightest provocation can be tough to deal with.
Maybe it’s a colleague who loses it over a misplaced stapler, or a friend who goes ballistic when the takeaway order is slightly wrong. Either way, these volatile personalities can be exhausting and frustrating to be around, especially since you never know if you’re going to say or do something that sets them off. Here’s how to get through interacting with them without losing your own cool.
1. Take a deep breath and count to ten.
When someone’s getting worked up over something trivial, it’s easy to get swept up in their emotion. Instead, pause and take a deep breath. Count to ten slowly in your head. This simple act can help you stay calm and composed, giving you a moment to think before you react. It’s amazing how much clearer your thoughts can be after just a few seconds of focused breathing.
2. Try to understand the root cause of their anger.
Often, when people get angry over small things, there’s a bigger issue bubbling under the surface. Maybe they’re stressed about work, having problems at home, or dealing with personal insecurities. While it’s not your job to psychoanalyse them, showing a bit of empathy can go a long way. Ask yourself if there might be something else going on that’s making them so sensitive to minor annoyances.
3. Use “I” statements to express your feelings.
When addressing their behaviour, frame your concerns using “I” statements. Instead of saying “You’re being ridiculous”, try something like “I feel uncomfortable when voices are raised over small issues”. This approach is less confrontational and can help prevent the person from becoming defensive. It keeps the focus on how their behaviour affects you, rather than attacking them personally.
4. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
It’s important to establish what kind of behaviour you’re willing to tolerate. Let the person know calmly but firmly that while you understand they’re upset, shouting or aggressive behaviour is not okay. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries. If they continue to cross the line, be prepared to remove yourself from the situation if necessary.
5. Don’t try to reason with them in the heat of the moment.
When someone’s in the throes of anger over something minor, logic often goes out the window. Trying to reason with them or point out how silly their reaction is will likely only fuel their anger. Instead, wait until they’ve calmed down before attempting any kind of discussion about their behaviour.
6. Avoid mirroring their emotional state.
It can be tempting to match their energy and get angry right back at them. But remember, that’s only going to escalate the situation. Try to remain calm and speak in a steady, even tone. Your calmness might even help them realise how disproportionate their reaction is.
7. Use humour carefully to defuse the situation.
Sometimes, a bit of well-timed humour can help break the tension. But be careful — this is a delicate approach. The key is to be light-hearted without mocking their feelings. A gentle joke about the situation, not the person, might help put things into perspective. However, if you sense that humour might be taken the wrong way, it’s best to avoid it.
8. Give them space if they need it.
Source: Unsplash Some people need time alone to cool off when they’re angry. If you notice that trying to engage with them is only making things worse, it might be best to give them some space. Let them know you’re ready to talk when they’re feeling calmer, then step away for a while.
9. Really listen to them when they’re ready to talk.
Source: Unsplash Once they’ve calmed down, really listen to what they have to say. Sometimes, people get angry because they don’t feel heard. Show them you’re paying attention by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and asking clarifying questions. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with their reaction, but understanding their perspective can help prevent future blow-ups.
10. Encourage them to express their feelings in a healthier way.
Source: Unsplash If this is a recurring issue, have a conversation about healthier ways to express frustration. Suggest alternatives like taking a walk, counting to ten, or writing down their feelings. Encourage them to communicate their concerns before they reach boiling point.
11. Don’t take it personally.
Source: Unsplash Remember, their overreaction is about them, not you. Even if their anger is directed at you, it’s likely more about their own issues than anything you’ve done. Keeping this in mind can help you maintain your own emotional balance in the face of their outbursts.
12. Model the behaviour you’d like to see.
Source: Unsplash Be the change you want to see, as they say. By consistently responding to minor frustrations with calm and patience, you’re setting an example. Over time, they might start to mirror your more measured approach to dealing with life’s little annoyances.
13. Acknowledge their feelings without endorsing their behaviour.
It’s possible to validate someone’s emotions without condoning their actions. You might say something like, “I can see you’re really frustrated, and that’s okay. But raising your voice isn’t the best way to handle this.” This shows you’re not dismissing their feelings, while still addressing the problematic behaviour.
14. Use distraction techniques when appropriate.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, a change of focus can help diffuse anger over trivial matters. If you sense an outburst brewing, try changing the subject or suggesting a different activity. This can help break the cycle of negative thoughts that might be fuelling their anger.
15. Reflect on your own reactions.
Source: Unsplash While their behaviour isn’t your fault, it’s worth examining your own responses. Are you inadvertently doing anything that might be triggering their anger? Are there ways you could communicate more effectively? Self-reflection can help you navigate these situations more smoothly in the future.
